Posted By: gymcandy1
Toe-Tapping Tuesday - 02/07/17 02:33 AM
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.
MARK TWAIN
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Resume Reality
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a college drop-out.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I've been accused of sexual harassment.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don't throw me away!
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
``````````````````
Riding A Dead Horse
Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
````````````````````
Road to Enlightenment
This is the road to enlightenment, revised...
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just bug off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you pass gas.
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's umm........
......Today. I know it's Today because the Today show is on. 
Yesterday we got up to 78 degrees y'all, and it was humid, and for once I was very happy that it was windy. It was extremely windy.
I pulled up the timbers that I was using as a walk. They don't work because some are warped, some are bowed, and they won't stay in place.
I went to Lowe's and bought some 2x4s and 1x6s and I had them cut them for me, and I came back and made a frame out of the 2x4s, stuck it in the ground, and screwed 16 1x6s to it, and made a boardwalk.
It looks like my deck in the back yard, and it only cost less than a third of what it would have cost me to do paving stones.
I love decks, and boardwalks.
Great job Sorta Blond on your fencing project. That's a lot of work.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
MARK TWAIN
`````````````````
Resume Reality
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a college drop-out.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I've been accused of sexual harassment.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don't throw me away!
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
``````````````````
Riding A Dead Horse
Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
````````````````````
Road to Enlightenment
This is the road to enlightenment, revised...
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just bug off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you pass gas.
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's umm........
......Today. I know it's Today because the Today show is on. Yesterday we got up to 78 degrees y'all, and it was humid, and for once I was very happy that it was windy. It was extremely windy.
I pulled up the timbers that I was using as a walk. They don't work because some are warped, some are bowed, and they won't stay in place.
I went to Lowe's and bought some 2x4s and 1x6s and I had them cut them for me, and I came back and made a frame out of the 2x4s, stuck it in the ground, and screwed 16 1x6s to it, and made a boardwalk.
It looks like my deck in the back yard, and it only cost less than a third of what it would have cost me to do paving stones.
I love decks, and boardwalks.
Great job Sorta Blond on your fencing project. That's a lot of work.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready. 
Have a lovely day!
Dogs in full freak out mode 
looney 
How's your evening?