Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday - 03/27/17 12:42 AM
It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.
MAURICE SWITZER
```````````````
These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by new English language students
Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!
I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.
Do you like your coffee cremated?
Tomorrow I will go to a wine and cheese cutting party.
Every morning I have some toast
and a big glass of flute juice.
Did you have breakfast?
Yes. Now it is in my backpack.
My friends visited last night and
we served a nice pig dinner.
My favorite food is [blip] cakes.
My mother is usually already
cooked one or two hours before dinner.
A good lice cooker can keep your
lice warm and eatable for two days.
My sister exploded in the microwave with a potato!
I think that if there is a beautiful waitress in one restaurant and a normal one in the second, and they both taste the same, most people will visit the first one.
Would you like a potato wedgie?
I usually worm up my food before I eat it.
My stomach is so crowded.
I ate ten or twenty Buffalo wigs.
Would you like some?
No thanks. I just ate some chickens.
It took twenty minutes for the waiter
to take my odor.
When my roommates ate my cook,
they pretended it was delicious.
Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I’m not so hungry
right now.
I am so eager to mate you!
Please execute me for being late.
Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?
I am sorry I am later.
It took me ten minutes to ignite my car.
Am I making P correctly?
Did you have an accident?
When I was skiing, a tree got in front of me
and hit me hard!
You look sad today.
Do you want to expose yourself to me?
You called at the perfect time.
I just walked into the door.
Thank you so much for tuting!
Please don’t shoot so many people in my country.
What?
Please don’t shoot people in my country very often.
Could you say it really slowly?
Police don’t shoot people in my country very often.
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t write my essay.
My roommate had a toothache this morning.
So you couldn’t write your essay?
Yes! She was swelling and decaying badly!
What did you do this weekend?
We went to a Karaoke bar.
Did you sing?
yes. I was shy but I strongly did it.
What did you sing?
You are the wind beneath my wigs.
``````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm sorry I have been advised by my quotist to keep my mouth shut.
Also, we have a big storm fixin' to hit here. Don't know how long it will last, but you never know what's going to get blown in these things. Maybe my transformer.
My department manager from Lowe's will be out here in the morning to help me with that insulation in my attic, so that's one thing I know is going to get blown...........if I still have a roof that is.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
MAURICE SWITZER
```````````````
These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by new English language students
Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!
I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.
Do you like your coffee cremated?
Tomorrow I will go to a wine and cheese cutting party.
Every morning I have some toast
and a big glass of flute juice.
Did you have breakfast?
Yes. Now it is in my backpack.
My friends visited last night and
we served a nice pig dinner.
My favorite food is [blip] cakes.
My mother is usually already
cooked one or two hours before dinner.
A good lice cooker can keep your
lice warm and eatable for two days.
My sister exploded in the microwave with a potato!
I think that if there is a beautiful waitress in one restaurant and a normal one in the second, and they both taste the same, most people will visit the first one.
Would you like a potato wedgie?
I usually worm up my food before I eat it.
My stomach is so crowded.
I ate ten or twenty Buffalo wigs.
Would you like some?
No thanks. I just ate some chickens.
It took twenty minutes for the waiter
to take my odor.
When my roommates ate my cook,
they pretended it was delicious.
Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I’m not so hungry
right now.
I am so eager to mate you!
Please execute me for being late.
Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?
I am sorry I am later.
It took me ten minutes to ignite my car.
Am I making P correctly?
Did you have an accident?
When I was skiing, a tree got in front of me
and hit me hard!
You look sad today.
Do you want to expose yourself to me?
You called at the perfect time.
I just walked into the door.
Thank you so much for tuting!
Please don’t shoot so many people in my country.
What?
Please don’t shoot people in my country very often.
Could you say it really slowly?
Police don’t shoot people in my country very often.
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t write my essay.
My roommate had a toothache this morning.
So you couldn’t write your essay?
Yes! She was swelling and decaying badly!
What did you do this weekend?
We went to a Karaoke bar.
Did you sing?
yes. I was shy but I strongly did it.
What did you sing?
You are the wind beneath my wigs.
``````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm sorry I have been advised by my quotist to keep my mouth shut.
Also, we have a big storm fixin' to hit here. Don't know how long it will last, but you never know what's going to get blown in these things. Maybe my transformer.
My department manager from Lowe's will be out here in the morning to help me with that insulation in my attic, so that's one thing I know is going to get blown...........if I still have a roof that is.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Space, Marian, Ana,Sorta and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. 
