Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip-n-Surf Sunday - 04/23/17 02:52 AM
Oscar Wilde
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
```````````````````
Laurel: Who is this boy?
Hardy: He is my distant brother.
Laurel: What do you mean by that??!
Hardy: Well, there are seven other brothers between us.
````````````
Jimmy was running helter-skelter in his uncle's house where he was spending his winter holidays. Despite many warnings, he continued to play inside the house and broke an ancient vase.
Uncle Andrew got very upset and screamed, "Do you have any idea how old that was? It was made in the eighteenth century.
"That's a relief!" exclaimed Jimmy, "almost thought it was brand new."
````````````
Principal to teacher, "Do you know which one of your students is Bubba's daughter?"
Teacher replies, "Yes sir, she is the one who erases her notebook when I erase the blackboard."
``````````````
In playschool, my 4 year old son was offered emmentaler cheese. He was not too happy about it and said to the lady serving the snacks, "Miss, I don't want holes in my cheese."
The lady replied, "It's all right honey, just bite around the holes and leave them on your dish."
`````````````
When Jim came back from school, David could feel something was wrong with his son.
David asked, "How was school? Something wrong?"
Jim replied, "The principal threw me out of school."
David said, "What the hell did you do boy?"
Jim replied, "There is this boy in my class called Pete. He was bragging to me that sticks and stones may break his bones but he ain't afraid of words."
David,"So what?"
Jim said, "So I threw my wordbook at him!"
David exclaimed, "Proud of you, son!"
``````````````
Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"
Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"
Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"
Little Harry replied, "Dead!"
```````````````
When I was tucking in my two little children to bed, I said that God had given us eyes so we could see the world. Then I touched my daughter Mary's ears and said that God gave us ears to hear. Touching little Jack's nose, I said that God gifted us nose to smell. Hands to work & eat, and legs to run.
Mary asked, "But Mom, God must have made a mistake with Jack because his nose runs and his feet smell."
```````````
When my 5 year old son Neil was scribbling something on a notepad, I asked him teasingly, "Are you writing a letter to God?"
Neil replied, "No. I am writing a letter to myself."
I asked, "All right. What are you writing to yourself?"
Neil replied, "There's no way to know. I have not received the letter yet."
`````````````
My friend Sara was teaching her 3 year old son about various professions.
She asked little Roy, "What does a tailor do?"
Roy replied, "A tailor makes clothes."
Sara then asked him, "What does the milkman do?"
Roy replied, "He delivers milk."
She then asked, "Okay, what does your Dad do?"
Roy, knowing that his father was in the Air Force, replied, "He flashes his card wherever he goes."
`````````````
Roy lived in the countryside with his family. One morning, he was helping his buffalo give birth, when he noticed that his daughter, Kelly, was watching the entire event with curious eyes.
Roy thought to himself that one day he will have to explain to her about the birds and the bees. Why not grab the opportunity and start now, as this was a good occasion.
After the process was over, and a little baby buffalo was born, Roy walked up to Kelly and asked, "Well sweetheart, do you have any questions?"
Little Kelly, still shaken by the entire experience, asked, "How fast was the calf going when it hit the buffalo?"
```````````````
My friend Jason had taken his 5 year old daughter, Susie to the garden. Jason was sitting on a park bench watching Susie play with a ball. Suddenly, she stopped playing, and looked at something intently. Then she came running to Jason and said, "Come Daddy, I want to show you something."
She lead him to a tree near which a sparrow lay dead. Suzie asked him, "What happened to the sparrow?"
Jason replied, "The sparrow died and went to Heaven."
Susie said, "Oh! So why did God throw it back to Earth?"
``````````````````
Pastor John Warren closed his eyes for 2 minutes and bowed his head, before he left for the church to deliver his sermon.
His little son, Jeremy, who always observed him do so many times, asked him one day, "Why do you do that Dad?"
Pastor John was happy to see that his son noticed his gestures and said, "Before I leave for church, I ask God to help me preach a good sermon."
Jeremy said innocently, "So why doesn't He do it?"
```````````````````
Little Neil was very excited to attend his uncle's wedding. Stepping down the aisle, he would take a step, stop, face the crowd, twist his fingers like claws, and make a growling noise.
At every step he would repeat it. He would take turns to be on the groom's side, the groom being his uncle, and do his act. And then he would go to the bride's side and repeat the clawing, growling. The crowd was amused by these dramatics and everyone started laughing.
Little Niel, however, was getting upset by all the attention & laughing and would have cried had his mother not consoled him.
When his mother asked him what he was doing, Little Niel replied, "I played the Ring Bear."
```````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Today........
.. is the day after the day before Sunday.
That's a great thing too because, the day before Saturday I decided to go to the sod farm the day after Friday, and then to the creek on the day before Monday.
I can't wait......well I guess I don't have to wait do I?
So on the day before Sunday I found a rock at the sod farm, but I didn't bring it home.
There was no point to it.
I've been waiting all day to use that lame joke.
I did find some pointy rocks though. I found four blades first, and then dug, and dug, and dug, and dug, and dug, and dug..............and dug some more until I finally found a point, and then I dug, and dug, and dug, and dug a bunch more and found a nuther point. WHEW!
My hands are killing me, but I am one happy camper.
My friend Shane is coming down here next Saturday, and I am going to meet him at the sod farm for a few hours.
Fortunately we are supposed to have storms, and 2 inches of rain on Thursday. Perfect!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
```````````````````
Laurel: Who is this boy?
Hardy: He is my distant brother.
Laurel: What do you mean by that??!
Hardy: Well, there are seven other brothers between us.
````````````
Jimmy was running helter-skelter in his uncle's house where he was spending his winter holidays. Despite many warnings, he continued to play inside the house and broke an ancient vase.
Uncle Andrew got very upset and screamed, "Do you have any idea how old that was? It was made in the eighteenth century.
"That's a relief!" exclaimed Jimmy, "almost thought it was brand new."
````````````
Principal to teacher, "Do you know which one of your students is Bubba's daughter?"
Teacher replies, "Yes sir, she is the one who erases her notebook when I erase the blackboard."
``````````````
In playschool, my 4 year old son was offered emmentaler cheese. He was not too happy about it and said to the lady serving the snacks, "Miss, I don't want holes in my cheese."
The lady replied, "It's all right honey, just bite around the holes and leave them on your dish."
`````````````
When Jim came back from school, David could feel something was wrong with his son.
David asked, "How was school? Something wrong?"
Jim replied, "The principal threw me out of school."
David said, "What the hell did you do boy?"
Jim replied, "There is this boy in my class called Pete. He was bragging to me that sticks and stones may break his bones but he ain't afraid of words."
David,"So what?"
Jim said, "So I threw my wordbook at him!"
David exclaimed, "Proud of you, son!"
``````````````
Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"
Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"
Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"
Little Harry replied, "Dead!"
```````````````
When I was tucking in my two little children to bed, I said that God had given us eyes so we could see the world. Then I touched my daughter Mary's ears and said that God gave us ears to hear. Touching little Jack's nose, I said that God gifted us nose to smell. Hands to work & eat, and legs to run.
Mary asked, "But Mom, God must have made a mistake with Jack because his nose runs and his feet smell."
```````````
When my 5 year old son Neil was scribbling something on a notepad, I asked him teasingly, "Are you writing a letter to God?"
Neil replied, "No. I am writing a letter to myself."
I asked, "All right. What are you writing to yourself?"
Neil replied, "There's no way to know. I have not received the letter yet."
`````````````
My friend Sara was teaching her 3 year old son about various professions.
She asked little Roy, "What does a tailor do?"
Roy replied, "A tailor makes clothes."
Sara then asked him, "What does the milkman do?"
Roy replied, "He delivers milk."
She then asked, "Okay, what does your Dad do?"
Roy, knowing that his father was in the Air Force, replied, "He flashes his card wherever he goes."
`````````````
Roy lived in the countryside with his family. One morning, he was helping his buffalo give birth, when he noticed that his daughter, Kelly, was watching the entire event with curious eyes.
Roy thought to himself that one day he will have to explain to her about the birds and the bees. Why not grab the opportunity and start now, as this was a good occasion.
After the process was over, and a little baby buffalo was born, Roy walked up to Kelly and asked, "Well sweetheart, do you have any questions?"
Little Kelly, still shaken by the entire experience, asked, "How fast was the calf going when it hit the buffalo?"
```````````````
My friend Jason had taken his 5 year old daughter, Susie to the garden. Jason was sitting on a park bench watching Susie play with a ball. Suddenly, she stopped playing, and looked at something intently. Then she came running to Jason and said, "Come Daddy, I want to show you something."
She lead him to a tree near which a sparrow lay dead. Suzie asked him, "What happened to the sparrow?"
Jason replied, "The sparrow died and went to Heaven."
Susie said, "Oh! So why did God throw it back to Earth?"
``````````````````
Pastor John Warren closed his eyes for 2 minutes and bowed his head, before he left for the church to deliver his sermon.
His little son, Jeremy, who always observed him do so many times, asked him one day, "Why do you do that Dad?"
Pastor John was happy to see that his son noticed his gestures and said, "Before I leave for church, I ask God to help me preach a good sermon."
Jeremy said innocently, "So why doesn't He do it?"
```````````````````
Little Neil was very excited to attend his uncle's wedding. Stepping down the aisle, he would take a step, stop, face the crowd, twist his fingers like claws, and make a growling noise.
At every step he would repeat it. He would take turns to be on the groom's side, the groom being his uncle, and do his act. And then he would go to the bride's side and repeat the clawing, growling. The crowd was amused by these dramatics and everyone started laughing.
Little Niel, however, was getting upset by all the attention & laughing and would have cried had his mother not consoled him.
When his mother asked him what he was doing, Little Niel replied, "I played the Ring Bear."
```````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Today........
.. is the day after the day before Sunday. That's a great thing too because, the day before Saturday I decided to go to the sod farm the day after Friday, and then to the creek on the day before Monday.
I can't wait......well I guess I don't have to wait do I?
So on the day before Sunday I found a rock at the sod farm, but I didn't bring it home.
There was no point to it.
I've been waiting all day to use that lame joke.
I did find some pointy rocks though. I found four blades first, and then dug, and dug, and dug, and dug, and dug, and dug..............and dug some more until I finally found a point, and then I dug, and dug, and dug, and dug a bunch more and found a nuther point. WHEW!
My hands are killing me, but I am one happy camper.
My friend Shane is coming down here next Saturday, and I am going to meet him at the sod farm for a few hours.
Fortunately we are supposed to have storms, and 2 inches of rain on Thursday. Perfect!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Space, MaG, Ana and everyone. You must have quite a collection of points! Space hav a good dy. MaG enjoy! Ana I love to tour old mansion. So much history! Coffee and tea are ready. Have a Happy Sunday! 
