Posted By: gymcandy1
Thump Day - 04/27/17 02:26 AM
Elmer Davis
This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
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Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions?
Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
`````````````
I was nervous the night my husband and I took our three young sons to a restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, at that moment, our six-year-old piped up, "Mum drinks a lot more than that."
`````````````
There was A teacher who was shouting at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said.
One of the kids put up his hand. "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class."
``````````````
One day, Little Tommy asked his Class teacher, "Teacher, why are the days longer in the summer?"
The teacher answered, "It's because of the heat. It makes everything expand."
`````````````
In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"
The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"
"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.
"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"
`````````
My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun.
During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house.
Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it where the sun doesn't shine!"
The electrician took a break.
````````````````
Mary was surprised by her 8 year old grandson one morning when he got coffee for her while she was still in bed.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Sweetheart, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV - 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
``````````````
Alice, a little girl of 5, was observing her grandpa very intently. Her grandpa asked her, "what are you looking at, my child?"
Running her fingers over his bald head, and his wrinkled face, Alice asked, "Were you created by God?"
"Yes" he answered.
"Did god create me, too?" she asked.
"Yes", he replied.
"Well", she shrugged, "Do you agree he's doing a better job now than he used to?"
````````````
When I bought my daughter a bigger bicycle, she insisted on parking it next to her small old cycle.
She said, "The big one is the daddy of the small cycle - wait, I have a name for it - Popcycle."
``````````````
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for Water?
Little Johnny: It's H2O
Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?
Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.
`````````````
My five-year-old boy, Neel, loves to sit on his grandfather's lap and listen to stories read out to him. One day, after his grandfather had told him the story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of different animals to the safety of the ark, Neel asked, "Grandpa, you are so old, I am sure you were also in Noah's ark, weren't you?"
His grandfather replied, "No, my dear".
Neel asked, "But, how did you survive the flood then?"
````````````````
A geography teacher entered the class and the children greeted in chorus: “Good morning, sir.”
The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”
A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”
````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Well, everything down here is expanding as well, but I woke up this morning to thunderstorms. They passed through in a hurry, but after that, the temperature dropped way down into the 50s, and windy too. So it was pretty chilly.
Tomorrow we're supposed to be back above the mid 70s, and now Friday night and Saturday is when the big storm system arrives, so it looks like my friend Shane and I won't be going to the sod farm this weekend.
We weren't real busy at Lowe's today because of the weather, and that gave me a chance to get a lot done that needed getting done.
I will work Thursday and Friday 11 to 4 as well.
Yes Ana, I am enjoying it very much. Nest week I'll work 3 sevens instead of 4 fives.
Well I'm gonna get off of here and do a little gaming before bedtime........which is about 5 minutes from now for me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
``````````````
Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions?
Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
`````````````
I was nervous the night my husband and I took our three young sons to a restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, at that moment, our six-year-old piped up, "Mum drinks a lot more than that."
`````````````
There was A teacher who was shouting at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said.
One of the kids put up his hand. "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class."
``````````````
One day, Little Tommy asked his Class teacher, "Teacher, why are the days longer in the summer?"
The teacher answered, "It's because of the heat. It makes everything expand."
`````````````
In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"
The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"
"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.
"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"
`````````
My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun.
During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house.
Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it where the sun doesn't shine!"
The electrician took a break.
````````````````
Mary was surprised by her 8 year old grandson one morning when he got coffee for her while she was still in bed.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Sweetheart, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV - 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
``````````````
Alice, a little girl of 5, was observing her grandpa very intently. Her grandpa asked her, "what are you looking at, my child?"
Running her fingers over his bald head, and his wrinkled face, Alice asked, "Were you created by God?"
"Yes" he answered.
"Did god create me, too?" she asked.
"Yes", he replied.
"Well", she shrugged, "Do you agree he's doing a better job now than he used to?"
````````````
When I bought my daughter a bigger bicycle, she insisted on parking it next to her small old cycle.
She said, "The big one is the daddy of the small cycle - wait, I have a name for it - Popcycle."
``````````````
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for Water?
Little Johnny: It's H2O
Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?
Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.
`````````````
My five-year-old boy, Neel, loves to sit on his grandfather's lap and listen to stories read out to him. One day, after his grandfather had told him the story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of different animals to the safety of the ark, Neel asked, "Grandpa, you are so old, I am sure you were also in Noah's ark, weren't you?"
His grandfather replied, "No, my dear".
Neel asked, "But, how did you survive the flood then?"
````````````````
A geography teacher entered the class and the children greeted in chorus: “Good morning, sir.”
The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”
A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”
````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Well, everything down here is expanding as well, but I woke up this morning to thunderstorms. They passed through in a hurry, but after that, the temperature dropped way down into the 50s, and windy too. So it was pretty chilly.
Tomorrow we're supposed to be back above the mid 70s, and now Friday night and Saturday is when the big storm system arrives, so it looks like my friend Shane and I won't be going to the sod farm this weekend.
We weren't real busy at Lowe's today because of the weather, and that gave me a chance to get a lot done that needed getting done.
I will work Thursday and Friday 11 to 4 as well.
Yes Ana, I am enjoying it very much. Nest week I'll work 3 sevens instead of 4 fives.
Well I'm gonna get off of here and do a little gaming before bedtime........which is about 5 minutes from now for me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. coffee and tea are fresh and hot. 
No wonder you are so tiny! 
I'm headed for bed. See you in the morning.
Finally made it home for the day for good .. a rainy start but sunny finish