Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday - 05/22/17 02:33 AM
FRANK W. ABAGNALE
If you believe you have a foolproof system you have failed to take into consideration the creativity of fools.
```````````
Ronnie goes to his lawyer, Mr. Shark and complains, "My neighbor Bonnie owes me $300 but does not intend to return it. Is there something I can do to recover it?"
Mr. Shark asks Ronnie, "Do you have any proof of the transaction?"
"No", replies Ronnie.
Mr. Shark advises, "Well then, write a mail to Bonnie asking him for the $600 he owes you."
Ronnie says, "But he owes me only $300!"
Mr. Shark replies, "I know. That's what he will write back to you and that will give us the evidence we need."
``````````````````
Two female teachers at a high school had a routine of sharing their coffee and snacks together during their morning break in the teacher's room. Each would bring a favorite snack and it would be shared between them.
The problem was a male teacher who would pass by while the ladies were taking their morning break. He would see the spread on the table and utter something like, "Wow, cookies!".
Then he would help himself without an invitation and would keep taking one snack after the other. This habit of his really irritated the two lady teachers as the male teacher never had the decency to offer anything nor had he ever asked if he could help himself.
Finally the lady teachers decided enough was enough, and they came up with a plan. One of them bought a doughnut, took out the custard and substituted it with mustard. When the male teacher came in the teacher's room that day, he helped himself to the only doughnut left on the plate as was his habit and left. He never said anything about the mustard, but never went to the teacher's room again when the female teachers were taking their snack break.
```````````````
Jerry got into a brawl with the class bully. The big bully, in a threatening tone, growled, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
Jerry, mustering enough courage, replied back, "You will regret it."
The bully said, "Really? And do you mind explaining why?"
Jerry replied, "I don't think you will be able to get into the corners very well."
```````````
Dean was sitting in his drawing room having a cup of coffee, quite at ease with himself. In comes his son with a plate in his hands containing two pastries. He sits opposite Dean and says: “Dad, tell me, how many pastries are there in my plate?”
Dean: “I can see two.”
Son: “No, there are three, I can prove it.”
Dean: “How?”
Son: “This one is one.” He then proceeded to point to the other and said: “This is two, right? And one plus two is three, isn’t it?”
Dean: “How clever of you, son? I am impressed. Now let’s see.”
He picked up one from the plate and said: “This one is for me,” picked up the second one and said: “This for your sister. You can have the third one for yourself.”
`````````````````
My grandson Jim found a penny in the grass and proudly displayed it to me.
"What good is it?" I said, "You cant buy anything with it."
"Yes you can," Jim replied promptly. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well."
`````````````
A parson is congratulating a parishioner on his success at transforming an abandoned plot of land into a beautiful garden. ‘It’s wonderful what man can achieve with the help of the Almighty,’ says the parson.
‘Yes,’ replies the parishioner. ‘Mind you, you should have seen the state it was in when He had it all to Himself.’
``````````````
On Mother's Day, there was a family get-together and everyone was having a great time around the dinner table.
Later, when the Mother of the family started to wash the dishes, her newly-married daughter, Emily came up to her and said with a lot of concern, "Hey Mom - please don't bother with the dishes. Today is Mother's Day and you can't be doing this, you can always do them tomorrow."
````````````
What Santa taught me about Life
Encourage people to believe in you.
Always remember who's naughty and who's nice.
Don't pout.
It's as much fun to give as it is to receive.
Some days it's ok to feel a little chubby.
Make your presents known.
Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
Bright red can make anyone look good.
Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you've gained.
If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you're very important.
Whenever you're at a loss for words, say: "HO, HO, HO!"
`````````````
Tracy's television was not working, so she called in a repairman to fix it. When the repair guy was almost done with his job, Tracy heard her husband's key in the lock.
"Hurry," she urged the repairman, "You'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous."
There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console.
Tracy's husband, David came in and made himself comfortable in his favorite sofa to watch some football.
Inside the TV, the repairman was all squeezed up and getting hotter and hotter.
Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, he climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door.
The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?"
`````````````````
The English teacher Mrs. Brown was teaching nouns on a Wednesday morning. She said to her class, "An abstract noun is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Who can give give me an example of one?"
"I can," said Sam, a teenager. "My father's new car."
`````````````
Val, a Norwegian, had a son, Val Junior who was studying in the fourth grade. One day Val Junior returned from school and asked his father: “I have the biggest feet in the fourth grade, is it because I am a Norwegian?”
Val Senior: “No. It’s because you are eighteen.”
``````````````
Peter was walking down 35th Street in New York city when he was approached by a woman with a clipboard.
"Good morning, sir," she said. Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
"Just a few minutes?" Peter asked.
"Just a few minutes," the woman replied.
"Okay," Peter said, "But we're not going to get much done."
`````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy I tell you working 3 days straight gets old after about 1 day.
I even worked a shorter day today because I went to work at 12:00 thinking my schedule said 12 to 8, when I was actually scheduled to go in at 8:00am and work till 4:00.
I was thinking about Wednesday's schedule, instead of Sunday's. DOH!
So I worked 6 straight hours today, instead of the 7 hours plus lunch that I was scheduled.
Shucks I missed 1 hour.
Tuesday is dig and sift day at the sod farm.
Wednesday is wade and strain day at the creek.
Strain my eyes that is.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
If you believe you have a foolproof system you have failed to take into consideration the creativity of fools.
```````````
Ronnie goes to his lawyer, Mr. Shark and complains, "My neighbor Bonnie owes me $300 but does not intend to return it. Is there something I can do to recover it?"
Mr. Shark asks Ronnie, "Do you have any proof of the transaction?"
"No", replies Ronnie.
Mr. Shark advises, "Well then, write a mail to Bonnie asking him for the $600 he owes you."
Ronnie says, "But he owes me only $300!"
Mr. Shark replies, "I know. That's what he will write back to you and that will give us the evidence we need."
``````````````````
Two female teachers at a high school had a routine of sharing their coffee and snacks together during their morning break in the teacher's room. Each would bring a favorite snack and it would be shared between them.
The problem was a male teacher who would pass by while the ladies were taking their morning break. He would see the spread on the table and utter something like, "Wow, cookies!".
Then he would help himself without an invitation and would keep taking one snack after the other. This habit of his really irritated the two lady teachers as the male teacher never had the decency to offer anything nor had he ever asked if he could help himself.
Finally the lady teachers decided enough was enough, and they came up with a plan. One of them bought a doughnut, took out the custard and substituted it with mustard. When the male teacher came in the teacher's room that day, he helped himself to the only doughnut left on the plate as was his habit and left. He never said anything about the mustard, but never went to the teacher's room again when the female teachers were taking their snack break.
```````````````
Jerry got into a brawl with the class bully. The big bully, in a threatening tone, growled, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
Jerry, mustering enough courage, replied back, "You will regret it."
The bully said, "Really? And do you mind explaining why?"
Jerry replied, "I don't think you will be able to get into the corners very well."
```````````
Dean was sitting in his drawing room having a cup of coffee, quite at ease with himself. In comes his son with a plate in his hands containing two pastries. He sits opposite Dean and says: “Dad, tell me, how many pastries are there in my plate?”
Dean: “I can see two.”
Son: “No, there are three, I can prove it.”
Dean: “How?”
Son: “This one is one.” He then proceeded to point to the other and said: “This is two, right? And one plus two is three, isn’t it?”
Dean: “How clever of you, son? I am impressed. Now let’s see.”
He picked up one from the plate and said: “This one is for me,” picked up the second one and said: “This for your sister. You can have the third one for yourself.”
`````````````````
My grandson Jim found a penny in the grass and proudly displayed it to me.
"What good is it?" I said, "You cant buy anything with it."
"Yes you can," Jim replied promptly. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well."
`````````````
A parson is congratulating a parishioner on his success at transforming an abandoned plot of land into a beautiful garden. ‘It’s wonderful what man can achieve with the help of the Almighty,’ says the parson.
‘Yes,’ replies the parishioner. ‘Mind you, you should have seen the state it was in when He had it all to Himself.’
``````````````
On Mother's Day, there was a family get-together and everyone was having a great time around the dinner table.
Later, when the Mother of the family started to wash the dishes, her newly-married daughter, Emily came up to her and said with a lot of concern, "Hey Mom - please don't bother with the dishes. Today is Mother's Day and you can't be doing this, you can always do them tomorrow."
````````````
What Santa taught me about Life
Encourage people to believe in you.
Always remember who's naughty and who's nice.
Don't pout.
It's as much fun to give as it is to receive.
Some days it's ok to feel a little chubby.
Make your presents known.
Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
Bright red can make anyone look good.
Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you've gained.
If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you're very important.
Whenever you're at a loss for words, say: "HO, HO, HO!"
`````````````
Tracy's television was not working, so she called in a repairman to fix it. When the repair guy was almost done with his job, Tracy heard her husband's key in the lock.
"Hurry," she urged the repairman, "You'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous."
There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console.
Tracy's husband, David came in and made himself comfortable in his favorite sofa to watch some football.
Inside the TV, the repairman was all squeezed up and getting hotter and hotter.
Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, he climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door.
The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?"
`````````````````
The English teacher Mrs. Brown was teaching nouns on a Wednesday morning. She said to her class, "An abstract noun is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Who can give give me an example of one?"
"I can," said Sam, a teenager. "My father's new car."
`````````````
Val, a Norwegian, had a son, Val Junior who was studying in the fourth grade. One day Val Junior returned from school and asked his father: “I have the biggest feet in the fourth grade, is it because I am a Norwegian?”
Val Senior: “No. It’s because you are eighteen.”
``````````````
Peter was walking down 35th Street in New York city when he was approached by a woman with a clipboard.
"Good morning, sir," she said. Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
"Just a few minutes?" Peter asked.
"Just a few minutes," the woman replied.
"Okay," Peter said, "But we're not going to get much done."
`````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy I tell you working 3 days straight gets old after about 1 day.
I even worked a shorter day today because I went to work at 12:00 thinking my schedule said 12 to 8, when I was actually scheduled to go in at 8:00am and work till 4:00.
I was thinking about Wednesday's schedule, instead of Sunday's. DOH!
So I worked 6 straight hours today, instead of the 7 hours plus lunch that I was scheduled.
Shucks I missed 1 hour.
Tuesday is dig and sift day at the sod farm.
Wednesday is wade and strain day at the creek.
Strain my eyes that is.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready. A Rainy day ahead. 
I agree with you about routines being better. Hope you are able to have a play day soon!
(It actually works out better this way, since I have an unusual Saturday project that can't be moved, possibly even a Sunday one as well. 
)
Even though I've been holding off, it's time I got a Windows 10 for the newer games, although I'm going to see if I can get a duel boot and put Windows 7 in there as well. 
Venus, hope you find what you want. 
