Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 05/31/17 02:16 AM
CHINESE PROVERB
There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same.
```````````
A little boy aged 4, who had witnessed a hailstorm for the first time, exclaimed to his father,
"Daddy, it's raining dumplings!"
``````````
Harry, after his retirement volunteered to entertain patients in hospitals. He would go from one hospital to another in the city and always carried his guitar with him. He would crack jokes and would sing some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished at one such hospital, he said to an old man, "I hope you get better."
The elderly gentleman quickly replied, "I hope you get better, too."
```````````````
Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite 'fast food' when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was at a place called 'home,'' I explained. 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining table and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it :-
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white and the station went off the air at 10.00 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am!
And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people ...
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line.
Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home ... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers My brother delivered newspapers, seven days a week. He had to get up at 5 am every morning to do this.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films.
There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing without profanity or lewd scenes or violence or almost anything offensive.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
```````````````
Kelly went to see Josie to seek advice in a complicated legal case. Josie listened to her patiently and said, “Look Kelly, you should have gone to an expert in this matter as some legal issues are involved.”
Kelly replied, “That is what I was going to do. But when I talked to my brother about this, he said that any fool can guide you in this. So I came straight to you.”
````````````
On their first date on Valentine's Day, Harry and Gina sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema’s concession stand. Harry and Gina realized that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
``````````````
Two brothers, Rob and Bob, found themselves a job on a ship.
Rob had really large eyes and Bob had huge ears.
The captain of the ship asked them, "What can you do?"
"Well, I can be a lookout," said Rob, the fellow with the large eyes.
"What will he do?" asked the captain.
"Well, he's my brother, Can't leave him alone. He'll come with me." replied Rob
The captain agreed and said, "All right you can be lookout and take him with you to the crow's nest and keep him out of my face!"
They had been at sea for a fortnight when the whistle from the crow's nest sounded in the wheelhouse!
"Ship bearing port 10."
The captain looked at the radar, not an echo on the scope. "Are you sure?" he asked.
"Positive," replied Rob, "and what's more, its Chinese."
"How do you know that?" the captain asked.
Rob replied, "My brother Bob can hear them talking!"
```````````
I asked my neighbor's kid when he would turn seven.
Pat came the reply, "When I'm tired of being six."
````````````````
The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad
* You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
* The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
* The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
* There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
* You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
* There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
* You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
* Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
* A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
* There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
* You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
* The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
* A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
* You set the alarm on your digital clock for 6 pm instead of 6 am.
* The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
* You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
* People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
* Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
* You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
* You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
* You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
* You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm sitting here enjoying this nice 90 degree evening. not
Actually here at 8:00 we're down to 84 degrees.
This morning I mowed my yard inside the fence, despite not wanting to do anything at all, because I didn't sleep last night........again.
That's about the 3rd night I think. I hope tonight is a break in that routine.
If I don't sleep tonight then tomorrow's going to be a long day for sure.
Not much else going on in my mind. It's a big fat black screen.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same.
```````````
A little boy aged 4, who had witnessed a hailstorm for the first time, exclaimed to his father,
"Daddy, it's raining dumplings!"
``````````
Harry, after his retirement volunteered to entertain patients in hospitals. He would go from one hospital to another in the city and always carried his guitar with him. He would crack jokes and would sing some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished at one such hospital, he said to an old man, "I hope you get better."
The elderly gentleman quickly replied, "I hope you get better, too."
```````````````
Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite 'fast food' when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was at a place called 'home,'' I explained. 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining table and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it :-
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white and the station went off the air at 10.00 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am!
And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people ...
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line.
Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home ... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers My brother delivered newspapers, seven days a week. He had to get up at 5 am every morning to do this.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films.
There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing without profanity or lewd scenes or violence or almost anything offensive.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
```````````````
Kelly went to see Josie to seek advice in a complicated legal case. Josie listened to her patiently and said, “Look Kelly, you should have gone to an expert in this matter as some legal issues are involved.”
Kelly replied, “That is what I was going to do. But when I talked to my brother about this, he said that any fool can guide you in this. So I came straight to you.”
````````````
On their first date on Valentine's Day, Harry and Gina sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema’s concession stand. Harry and Gina realized that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
``````````````
Two brothers, Rob and Bob, found themselves a job on a ship.
Rob had really large eyes and Bob had huge ears.
The captain of the ship asked them, "What can you do?"
"Well, I can be a lookout," said Rob, the fellow with the large eyes.
"What will he do?" asked the captain.
"Well, he's my brother, Can't leave him alone. He'll come with me." replied Rob
The captain agreed and said, "All right you can be lookout and take him with you to the crow's nest and keep him out of my face!"
They had been at sea for a fortnight when the whistle from the crow's nest sounded in the wheelhouse!
"Ship bearing port 10."
The captain looked at the radar, not an echo on the scope. "Are you sure?" he asked.
"Positive," replied Rob, "and what's more, its Chinese."
"How do you know that?" the captain asked.
Rob replied, "My brother Bob can hear them talking!"
```````````
I asked my neighbor's kid when he would turn seven.
Pat came the reply, "When I'm tired of being six."
````````````````
The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad
* You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
* The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
* The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
* There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
* You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
* There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
* You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
* Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
* A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
* There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
* You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
* The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
* A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
* You set the alarm on your digital clock for 6 pm instead of 6 am.
* The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
* You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
* People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
* Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
* You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
* You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
* You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
* You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm sitting here enjoying this nice 90 degree evening. not
Actually here at 8:00 we're down to 84 degrees.
This morning I mowed my yard inside the fence, despite not wanting to do anything at all, because I didn't sleep last night........again.
That's about the 3rd night I think. I hope tonight is a break in that routine.
If I don't sleep tonight then tomorrow's going to be a long day for sure.
Not much else going on in my mind. It's a big fat black screen.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Luckily, it shouldn't be a very long day, so maybe I can take a nap when I get home. 
This too shall pass. Look at the light at the end of the tunnel and all that will be gained after you are done.
Midge! I know how stressful moving can be. Hope you're able to get a break in there somewhere!