Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 06/06/17 03:06 AM
FRANK SCULLY
Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?
````````````
My brother and I own a car dealership in the north end of town. It was a busy Tuesday morning, when a large motor coach was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle badly needed repair and the whole thing looked like it was caught up in a hurricane. My brother asked the driver what had happened. The driver replied that he had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a cup of coffee!
We had to educate him about the difference between cruise control and auto-pilot!
`````````````
Bennett asks his friend Ernest, "Hey, can you lend me your book titled 'How To Become A Billionaire'?"
Ernest says, "Wait a minute, I'll get it for you".
When Ernest gives him the book, Bennett comments, "Thank you, buddy, but half the pages are missing!!"
Ernest replies, "So what? Isn't half a billion enough for you?"
````````````````
Kirk was telling his colleagues about a strange dream he had the previous night. He dreamt he was in the middle of action in the old west riding a stagecoach. All of a sudden, a cowboy riding a horse appears on the right side of the stagecoach and a horse without a rider pulls up on the left.
In a swift move, the cowboy bends down, pulls open the door of the stagecoach and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Kirk, confused by the events that were happening so swiftly, yelled out to the cowboy, "What do you think you are doing?"
The cowboy replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
````````````
Father Moore had a naughty little kitten named Batty who was always up to some mischief. Once, Batty climbed up a small tree in Father Moore's backyard and then refused to come down.
Father Moore tried hard to get the kitten down by calling out its name, also tried offering milk, sweets, but Batty would just not come down. As the tree was not strong enough to climb, Father Moore thought that if he tied one end of a rope to the tree and the other to his car and drove ahead to bend the tree, he could perhaps reach up and get Batty. He did it and felt that he should go a little bit further so that the tree is adequately bent for him to reach Batty. But as he moved a little further ahead, the rope snapped.
The tree went "boing!" and Batty sailed through the air and out of sight. Father Moore felt terrible. He went searching for Batty in the entire neighborhood and its vicinity, asked people if they had seen Batty but his attempts in locating the little kitten failed.
Father Moore committed Batty to the Lord's keeping and went back to normal life.
A few days later, he met a lady at the local store buying food and he noticed she was carrying a tin of cat food. He distinctly remembered that this lady hated cats so he questioned her about the cat food.
She replied, "You will find it hard to believe but my little boy Tommy had been pestering me for a cat, and I kept declining his request. Then one day, he begged again and I told him if God gave him a cat, I would allow him to keep it. I saw Tommy go out in the yard, get on his knees, and pray to God for a cat. And then, something unbelievable happened!! A kitten came flying out of the sky, and landed right in his lap!!!"
believe it...........or not
``````````````````
Three cowboys - Billy, Rex and Chuck - were drinking at the local bar. Billy said, "Did you hear that bugger Roy bought a new car. I bet he's going to start bragging about it the moment he enters this bar."
Rex said, "You should not be judgmental about him. Roy's a good lad. I am sure he's just gonna say a 'hi' when he walks in."
"I know Roy better than either of you," said Chuck. "He's a smart guy, he'll find a way to do both. Here he comes now."
Roy swung open the bar door and yelled, "Audi, boys!"
`````````````
Mike Sweeney goes to the pharmacy to buy an anti-infective skin cream. When the pharmacist gives him one, Mike reads the directions to use. It says : apply locally twice a day.
Mike says to the pharmacist: "But I can't apply locally, I'm going out of town."
`````````````
Mary called her old friend, Mrs. Cooper on her 101st birthday to ask how she planned to celebrate her big day.
Mrs. Cooper replied cheerfully, "My children will be coming to stay with me for the weekend."
Mary said, "I am sure you are looking forward to that."
“Of course,” Mrs. Cooper replied, "but it's a lot of work, cleaning and dusting, making up their beds.”
Mary said, “Why don't you let the children do it when they are arrive?"
"Oh no, I couldn't do that,” Mrs. Cooper replied, "they're all in their in their 80s!”
`````````
When I bought my daughter a bigger bicycle, she insisted on parking it next to her small old cycle.
She said, "The big one is the daddy of the small cycle - wait, I have a name for it - Popcycle."
```````````
When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him.
"Not here!" they said. A confused Marco Polo came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marco was very impressed!
But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks.
Marc's guide replied: "Why honored Sir, we always set off fireworks on the Fort of Chu'Lai"
````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I had an extremely busy day today, and again, after I got home my feet were just throbbing.
Don't know if I'll make it through the whole Summer, when I keep asking myself "How did I ever do this before?"
I have an early morning tomorrow for an appointment, and I'm itching to get started on my preparations.
I hope you all have a very happy day.
joe
Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?
````````````
My brother and I own a car dealership in the north end of town. It was a busy Tuesday morning, when a large motor coach was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle badly needed repair and the whole thing looked like it was caught up in a hurricane. My brother asked the driver what had happened. The driver replied that he had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a cup of coffee!
We had to educate him about the difference between cruise control and auto-pilot!
`````````````
Bennett asks his friend Ernest, "Hey, can you lend me your book titled 'How To Become A Billionaire'?"
Ernest says, "Wait a minute, I'll get it for you".
When Ernest gives him the book, Bennett comments, "Thank you, buddy, but half the pages are missing!!"
Ernest replies, "So what? Isn't half a billion enough for you?"
````````````````
Kirk was telling his colleagues about a strange dream he had the previous night. He dreamt he was in the middle of action in the old west riding a stagecoach. All of a sudden, a cowboy riding a horse appears on the right side of the stagecoach and a horse without a rider pulls up on the left.
In a swift move, the cowboy bends down, pulls open the door of the stagecoach and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Kirk, confused by the events that were happening so swiftly, yelled out to the cowboy, "What do you think you are doing?"
The cowboy replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
````````````
Father Moore had a naughty little kitten named Batty who was always up to some mischief. Once, Batty climbed up a small tree in Father Moore's backyard and then refused to come down.
Father Moore tried hard to get the kitten down by calling out its name, also tried offering milk, sweets, but Batty would just not come down. As the tree was not strong enough to climb, Father Moore thought that if he tied one end of a rope to the tree and the other to his car and drove ahead to bend the tree, he could perhaps reach up and get Batty. He did it and felt that he should go a little bit further so that the tree is adequately bent for him to reach Batty. But as he moved a little further ahead, the rope snapped.
The tree went "boing!" and Batty sailed through the air and out of sight. Father Moore felt terrible. He went searching for Batty in the entire neighborhood and its vicinity, asked people if they had seen Batty but his attempts in locating the little kitten failed.
Father Moore committed Batty to the Lord's keeping and went back to normal life.
A few days later, he met a lady at the local store buying food and he noticed she was carrying a tin of cat food. He distinctly remembered that this lady hated cats so he questioned her about the cat food.
She replied, "You will find it hard to believe but my little boy Tommy had been pestering me for a cat, and I kept declining his request. Then one day, he begged again and I told him if God gave him a cat, I would allow him to keep it. I saw Tommy go out in the yard, get on his knees, and pray to God for a cat. And then, something unbelievable happened!! A kitten came flying out of the sky, and landed right in his lap!!!"
believe it...........or not
``````````````````
Three cowboys - Billy, Rex and Chuck - were drinking at the local bar. Billy said, "Did you hear that bugger Roy bought a new car. I bet he's going to start bragging about it the moment he enters this bar."
Rex said, "You should not be judgmental about him. Roy's a good lad. I am sure he's just gonna say a 'hi' when he walks in."
"I know Roy better than either of you," said Chuck. "He's a smart guy, he'll find a way to do both. Here he comes now."
Roy swung open the bar door and yelled, "Audi, boys!"
`````````````
Mike Sweeney goes to the pharmacy to buy an anti-infective skin cream. When the pharmacist gives him one, Mike reads the directions to use. It says : apply locally twice a day.
Mike says to the pharmacist: "But I can't apply locally, I'm going out of town."
`````````````
Mary called her old friend, Mrs. Cooper on her 101st birthday to ask how she planned to celebrate her big day.
Mrs. Cooper replied cheerfully, "My children will be coming to stay with me for the weekend."
Mary said, "I am sure you are looking forward to that."
“Of course,” Mrs. Cooper replied, "but it's a lot of work, cleaning and dusting, making up their beds.”
Mary said, “Why don't you let the children do it when they are arrive?"
"Oh no, I couldn't do that,” Mrs. Cooper replied, "they're all in their in their 80s!”
`````````
When I bought my daughter a bigger bicycle, she insisted on parking it next to her small old cycle.
She said, "The big one is the daddy of the small cycle - wait, I have a name for it - Popcycle."
```````````
When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him.
"Not here!" they said. A confused Marco Polo came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marco was very impressed!
But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks.
Marc's guide replied: "Why honored Sir, we always set off fireworks on the Fort of Chu'Lai"
````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I had an extremely busy day today, and again, after I got home my feet were just throbbing.
Don't know if I'll make it through the whole Summer, when I keep asking myself "How did I ever do this before?"
I have an early morning tomorrow for an appointment, and I'm itching to get started on my preparations.
I hope you all have a very happy day.
joe
I remember your feet hurting all the time before Joe. And when your feet hurt, it tends to make your whole body miserable. 
with your appointment.
You'd think by now I'd be used to it, but it only seems to get harder. 
Have a great evening 