Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip and Surf Sunday - 06/11/17 02:13 AM
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
`````````````
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.
The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.
The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been through Hell, Welcome to Heaven."
````````````
What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone that can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
````````````
Things you would NOT want to see happen at the ATM
- You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card.
- You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.
- You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.
- You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.
- You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.
- You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."
````````````````
The new iPad went on sale this week. The picture's so fantastic, you can see with amazing clarity just how obsolete the iPad you got for Christmas is.
```````````````
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
```````````
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "[blip]! Just missed it by a half hour!"
``````````````````````
Two cows were talking in the field one day.
First Cow: "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"
Second Cow: "Yeah, makes you glad you're a goat, doesn't it?"
```````````````
A story is told that Richard Wagner was walking on a street in Berlin one day and came across an organ-grinder who was grinding out the overture to Tannhäuser. Wagner stopped and said, "As a matter of fact, you are playing it too fast."
The organ-grinder at once recognized Wagner, tipped his hat, and said, "Oh thank you, Herr Wagner! Thank you, Herr Wagner!"
The next day Wagner returned to the same spot and found the organ-grinder grinding out the overture at the correct tempo. Behind him was a big sign: "PUPIL OF RICHARD WAGNER."
``````````````
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head. If you don't behave, I will turn you into a goon! I will give you THREE chances!"
The next day:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head. If you don't behave, I will turn you into a goon! I will give you TWO more chances!"
The next day:
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head. If you don't behave, I will turn you into a goon! I will give you ONE more chance!"
The next day:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I warned you! I gave you three chances, and you didn't behave." She waved her magic wand, and POOF! Little Bunny Foo-Foo turned into a goon.
AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:
Hare today, goon tomorrow!
```````````````
The story is told about a king in Africa who had a close friend he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
"No," his friend replied, "this is good!"
"What do you mean, "this is good!" How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"
"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you!"
``````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Busy busy day today at work. It's like everybody thinks it's Summer or something, and are all wanting to do home projects at the same time.
I walked my feet off today.....which is good. Now I don't have to worry about them anymore.
Now my stubs are killing me.
I expect after Sunday I'll have shin splints.
Ah well, if it weren't for the heat and work I'd have no fun at all.
Wait.....
I think there's something rotten in Denmark......and it smells like my shoes after work.
Said the man with no sense of smell.
Now to Google 'fungal taxonomist'.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
`````````````
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.
The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.
The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been through Hell, Welcome to Heaven."
````````````
What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone that can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
````````````
Things you would NOT want to see happen at the ATM
- You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card.
- You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.
- You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.
- You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.
- You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.
- You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."
````````````````
The new iPad went on sale this week. The picture's so fantastic, you can see with amazing clarity just how obsolete the iPad you got for Christmas is.
```````````````
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
```````````
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "[blip]! Just missed it by a half hour!"
``````````````````````
Two cows were talking in the field one day.
First Cow: "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"
Second Cow: "Yeah, makes you glad you're a goat, doesn't it?"
```````````````
A story is told that Richard Wagner was walking on a street in Berlin one day and came across an organ-grinder who was grinding out the overture to Tannhäuser. Wagner stopped and said, "As a matter of fact, you are playing it too fast."
The organ-grinder at once recognized Wagner, tipped his hat, and said, "Oh thank you, Herr Wagner! Thank you, Herr Wagner!"
The next day Wagner returned to the same spot and found the organ-grinder grinding out the overture at the correct tempo. Behind him was a big sign: "PUPIL OF RICHARD WAGNER."
``````````````
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head. If you don't behave, I will turn you into a goon! I will give you THREE chances!"
The next day:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head. If you don't behave, I will turn you into a goon! I will give you TWO more chances!"
The next day:
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head. If you don't behave, I will turn you into a goon! I will give you ONE more chance!"
The next day:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.
Down-n-n-n came the good fairy. She said, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I warned you! I gave you three chances, and you didn't behave." She waved her magic wand, and POOF! Little Bunny Foo-Foo turned into a goon.
AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:
Hare today, goon tomorrow!
```````````````
The story is told about a king in Africa who had a close friend he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
"No," his friend replied, "this is good!"
"What do you mean, "this is good!" How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"
"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you!"
``````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Busy busy day today at work. It's like everybody thinks it's Summer or something, and are all wanting to do home projects at the same time.
I walked my feet off today.....which is good. Now I don't have to worry about them anymore.
Now my stubs are killing me.
I expect after Sunday I'll have shin splints.
Ah well, if it weren't for the heat and work I'd have no fun at all.
Wait.....
I think there's something rotten in Denmark......and it smells like my shoes after work.
Said the man with no sense of smell.
Now to Google 'fungal taxonomist'.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
I've been installing games, pictures, etc. a lot longer than I'd intended, and it's way past my bedtime. Good thing I don't have to work tomorrow. 
The good news is, everything I've installed on Windows 10 is doing well so far. I'm sure I'll still need 7 for some older games that never got a GOG or Steam version, however, so I'll probably install some of those tomorrow. 
In the meantime, I'll be going back and forth between this computer and my older one until I have everything set up the way I want it.
