Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 06/14/17 02:29 AM
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
When speaking, be sincere, be brief, and be seated.
``````````
Robbie, the truck driver, was cruising along the highway, when he noticed a small brown guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.
The small guy said, "I am brown. I am from Pluto and I am hungry."
Robbie shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I can offer you my sandwich, little fella and that's about all I can do."
Robbie gave his sandwich to the little guy and drove off. After a little distance, he noticed a small red guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.
The small guy said, "I am red. I am from Mars and I am thirsty."
Robbie getting a little impatient, said "All I have is a bottle of beer. You can take it, but that's about all I can do for you."
He handed over the beer to the small guy and drove off. He had covered only a few miles when he saw a small blue man in the middle of the road.
Robbie, a little irritated by then, stopped his truck and said to the guy angrily, "Yes, you idiotic blue joker. Which godforsaken planet are you from, and what do you want?"
The little guy replied, "May I see your Driver's license, sir!"
`````````````
There was a ruler of a dynasty who called upon his deputy. When the deputy arrived, the ruler said to him, "I know there are lot of intelligent people in our kingdom. Similarly, there should also be no dearth of fools."
The deputy answered, "I am sure there would be many, sire."
The ruler then said, "I want you to search the kingdom and find me 5 such fools."
The deputy said he would, and left the ruler's court. The deputy was perplexed with the task of finding fools. He wondered how would he ever manage to catch hold of 5 fools.
The deputy returned to the court after four weeks and presented 2 men before the ruler.
The ruler said, "I think I wanted to see 5 fools. Why have you brought only 2 men?"
The deputy said, "Please let me explain, sire. I searched the length and breadth of the Kingdom. I found this fellow carrying a heavy bag of wheat on his head while he was seated in a mule-driven cart. When I asked him why he had not placed the bag on the cart, he replied that it would add to the mule's burden. I realized I had found the 5th candidate in the list of fools and brought him here."
The ruler said, "Good. What about the next guy?"
The deputy continued, "I found this other fellow feeding sweets to his cow so that it delivers sweet milk. I knew I had found the 4th candidate in the fools' list."
The ruler said, "All right. What about the other two fools?"
The deputy replied, "When there are so many social & economic problems to resolve in this kingdom, I am wasting my time looking for fools in this kingdom. Thereby, I am the 3rd fool."
The ruler laughed and said, "Ok, who is next?"
The deputy replied, "When our enemies are knocking at our doorstep,and instead of attending to security issues and issues related to the welfare of the people of this dynasty, you are looking out for fools, that makes you the 2nd candidate in the list of fools."
The entire court went into silence.
The ruler said, "You are right and I appreciate your courage. Tell me, who is the 1st fool?"
The deputy replied, "Sire, when there is so much work to finish at office and at home, the one who is reading this joke leaving aside everything else is the 1st fool!"
Boy do I feel foolish!
``````````````````
Sid and John, totally drunk at the bar, were driving home. Sid yelled, "John! Watch out for the tree. Watch out Johhnnnn!"
Crash!!Boom! Bang!!!
They hit the tree and passed out.
They found themselves in adjacent hospital beds the next morning. Sid said to John, "You are such an idiot. I shouted there was a tree ahead. Why didn't you listen to me???"
John replied, "It was YOU driving!!"
`````````````
Tom, Peter and Jack were completely sloshed at the bar. When they decided to head home, they all got into a cab. The driver seeing that they were not in their senses, just turned the engine on and then turned it off after some time without moving the cab.
He then announced that they had reached. Tom pulled out some dollars and gave it to the cab driver. Peter just said thanks & got out of the car. Jack, before getting out, slapper the cab driver hard. The cab driver, not expecting to be caught, was taken aback. He asked, "What was that for?"
Jack said, "If I find you drive this rash ever again, I will report you to the police."
```````````````
Old Mr. Jones living in the countryside, sent his grandson Nick to the riverside to fetch a bucket of water. When Nick dipped the bucket in the water, he saw what appeared to be a crocodile. Terrified, Nick dropped the bucket and ran back to the house. He said to his grandfather, "I cannot get water, Grandpa. There is a big croc in the river. It scared me to death."
Old Mr. Jones said to Nick, "You can ignore that croc, Nick. He's been around for many years now and I have never heard about the old fella hurting anyone. Maybe he is as terrified of you as you are of him."
Nick replied, "Well, if he is as terrified of me as I am of him, then I don't think the water is good to drink."
```````````
A small airplane encounters engine failure and begins to nose-dive. The pilot manages to land the aircraft safely on the ocean. He announces that it is an emergency and that all passengers should remain seated. He further declares that the airplane was designed to stay afloat for an hour provided that the doors are not opened. This would give rescue teams enough time to reach out to help them.
A soon as the announcement is over, one of the passengers, Mr. Gupta, runs to open the door. While the passengers look in horror, the pilot yells at Mr. Gupta, "Please do not do that! Didn't you hear what I announced? This airplane won't sink for a while if the door remains closed!"
Mr. Gupta answered, "Ya ya. This plane is also designed to fly, and we all saw how good it was!"
```````````````
Danny, the big wrestler entered a bar and ordered his beer. He sipped from his mug, then loudly announced, "All you people of the left side of the bar are bl**dy idiots!"
There was silence in the bar. Danny asked again ,"Does anyone have a problem with that?"
He had a few more sips. Then announced again "All you people of the right side of the bar are cowards!"
There was silence in the bar.
He looked around and said, "Does anyone have a problem with that?"
A man got up and walked towards him. Danny looked him in the eye and said, "You got a problem, dude?"
The man replied, "No problem. I'm just going to the right side of the bar."
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I've had a very busy day, and I'm trying to get this finished, and posted asap, so I can get ready for bed.
I'm wanting to go to the sod farm, but I need to get up at about 5:00, so I can be out there before 7:00.
Can stay out there too long in this heat and humidity.
At least I bought myself a big straw hat today. That'll help some.
I hope you all have a super day.
joe
When speaking, be sincere, be brief, and be seated.
``````````
Robbie, the truck driver, was cruising along the highway, when he noticed a small brown guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.
The small guy said, "I am brown. I am from Pluto and I am hungry."
Robbie shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I can offer you my sandwich, little fella and that's about all I can do."
Robbie gave his sandwich to the little guy and drove off. After a little distance, he noticed a small red guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.
The small guy said, "I am red. I am from Mars and I am thirsty."
Robbie getting a little impatient, said "All I have is a bottle of beer. You can take it, but that's about all I can do for you."
He handed over the beer to the small guy and drove off. He had covered only a few miles when he saw a small blue man in the middle of the road.
Robbie, a little irritated by then, stopped his truck and said to the guy angrily, "Yes, you idiotic blue joker. Which godforsaken planet are you from, and what do you want?"
The little guy replied, "May I see your Driver's license, sir!"
`````````````
There was a ruler of a dynasty who called upon his deputy. When the deputy arrived, the ruler said to him, "I know there are lot of intelligent people in our kingdom. Similarly, there should also be no dearth of fools."
The deputy answered, "I am sure there would be many, sire."
The ruler then said, "I want you to search the kingdom and find me 5 such fools."
The deputy said he would, and left the ruler's court. The deputy was perplexed with the task of finding fools. He wondered how would he ever manage to catch hold of 5 fools.
The deputy returned to the court after four weeks and presented 2 men before the ruler.
The ruler said, "I think I wanted to see 5 fools. Why have you brought only 2 men?"
The deputy said, "Please let me explain, sire. I searched the length and breadth of the Kingdom. I found this fellow carrying a heavy bag of wheat on his head while he was seated in a mule-driven cart. When I asked him why he had not placed the bag on the cart, he replied that it would add to the mule's burden. I realized I had found the 5th candidate in the list of fools and brought him here."
The ruler said, "Good. What about the next guy?"
The deputy continued, "I found this other fellow feeding sweets to his cow so that it delivers sweet milk. I knew I had found the 4th candidate in the fools' list."
The ruler said, "All right. What about the other two fools?"
The deputy replied, "When there are so many social & economic problems to resolve in this kingdom, I am wasting my time looking for fools in this kingdom. Thereby, I am the 3rd fool."
The ruler laughed and said, "Ok, who is next?"
The deputy replied, "When our enemies are knocking at our doorstep,and instead of attending to security issues and issues related to the welfare of the people of this dynasty, you are looking out for fools, that makes you the 2nd candidate in the list of fools."
The entire court went into silence.
The ruler said, "You are right and I appreciate your courage. Tell me, who is the 1st fool?"
The deputy replied, "Sire, when there is so much work to finish at office and at home, the one who is reading this joke leaving aside everything else is the 1st fool!"
Boy do I feel foolish!
``````````````````
Sid and John, totally drunk at the bar, were driving home. Sid yelled, "John! Watch out for the tree. Watch out Johhnnnn!"
Crash!!Boom! Bang!!!
They hit the tree and passed out.
They found themselves in adjacent hospital beds the next morning. Sid said to John, "You are such an idiot. I shouted there was a tree ahead. Why didn't you listen to me???"
John replied, "It was YOU driving!!"
`````````````
Tom, Peter and Jack were completely sloshed at the bar. When they decided to head home, they all got into a cab. The driver seeing that they were not in their senses, just turned the engine on and then turned it off after some time without moving the cab.
He then announced that they had reached. Tom pulled out some dollars and gave it to the cab driver. Peter just said thanks & got out of the car. Jack, before getting out, slapper the cab driver hard. The cab driver, not expecting to be caught, was taken aback. He asked, "What was that for?"
Jack said, "If I find you drive this rash ever again, I will report you to the police."
```````````````
Old Mr. Jones living in the countryside, sent his grandson Nick to the riverside to fetch a bucket of water. When Nick dipped the bucket in the water, he saw what appeared to be a crocodile. Terrified, Nick dropped the bucket and ran back to the house. He said to his grandfather, "I cannot get water, Grandpa. There is a big croc in the river. It scared me to death."
Old Mr. Jones said to Nick, "You can ignore that croc, Nick. He's been around for many years now and I have never heard about the old fella hurting anyone. Maybe he is as terrified of you as you are of him."
Nick replied, "Well, if he is as terrified of me as I am of him, then I don't think the water is good to drink."
```````````
A small airplane encounters engine failure and begins to nose-dive. The pilot manages to land the aircraft safely on the ocean. He announces that it is an emergency and that all passengers should remain seated. He further declares that the airplane was designed to stay afloat for an hour provided that the doors are not opened. This would give rescue teams enough time to reach out to help them.
A soon as the announcement is over, one of the passengers, Mr. Gupta, runs to open the door. While the passengers look in horror, the pilot yells at Mr. Gupta, "Please do not do that! Didn't you hear what I announced? This airplane won't sink for a while if the door remains closed!"
Mr. Gupta answered, "Ya ya. This plane is also designed to fly, and we all saw how good it was!"
```````````````
Danny, the big wrestler entered a bar and ordered his beer. He sipped from his mug, then loudly announced, "All you people of the left side of the bar are bl**dy idiots!"
There was silence in the bar. Danny asked again ,"Does anyone have a problem with that?"
He had a few more sips. Then announced again "All you people of the right side of the bar are cowards!"
There was silence in the bar.
He looked around and said, "Does anyone have a problem with that?"
A man got up and walked towards him. Danny looked him in the eye and said, "You got a problem, dude?"
The man replied, "No problem. I'm just going to the right side of the bar."
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I've had a very busy day, and I'm trying to get this finished, and posted asap, so I can get ready for bed.
I'm wanting to go to the sod farm, but I need to get up at about 5:00, so I can be out there before 7:00.
Can stay out there too long in this heat and humidity.
At least I bought myself a big straw hat today. That'll help some.
I hope you all have a super day.
joe
everyone. 
It's going to be a long day tomorrow, so I'm off to get as much sleep as I can. 
Good Morning Joe, MaG, venus, Ana and everyone. Good Luck Joe! Hi MaG. Venus I'm up every morning at 4AM. Once in a while I sleep till 5. Old habit from the days when I had horses and tended to them before going to work. Ana enjoy your day. Coffee and tea are ready. 
hunting. 
looney 
