Posted By: gymcandy1
Magnificent Monday - 06/19/17 03:34 AM
IRISH PROVERB
The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.
```````````
Monty Moolik was the Chairman of an organization that promoted vegetarian food. For years, he had one wish - to experience the taste of pork. when the feeling was getting a little out of hand, he decided to go on a vacation all by himself and experiment. So he headed for a beach resort away from town, and found a nice restaurant to have his dinner. He ordered a roasted pig, and waited for the experience of a life time. The wait was making him a little edgy, when he heard his name being called from behind. When he turned to see who was calling out his name, he was flabbergasted to see a member of the Veg society walking towards him. At the same time, the waiter came along with a big platter, carrying a full roasted pig and an apple in it's mouth.
Monty thought fast and finally said to his fellow member, "Look at this! I just order an apple and look what it came in!!"
``````
Neil was engaged to Betty. One day, he dropped by to see her and said, "I am sorry, darling but I have to call off our engagement. I have to marry another girl."
Betty became hysterical and cried, "Why Niel? Why do you wish to marry another girl? Is she better looking than me?"
"No", answered Niel. "She is not."
Betty's next question was, "Does she cook better than me?"
"No", answered Niel, "Her best doesn't even come close to yours."
Betty asked, "Does she buy you things like I do?"
"No", answered Niel, "She does not work, and has no bank balance."
Betty, completely frustrated by now, asked, "Then what can she do that I cannot do?"
Niel, avoiding eye contact, answered, "She can go to court for child support."
````````````````
Tim, a clarinet player and Jim, a flute player were playing fusion music at a club on Christmas eve. Everybody seemed to be enjoying the music and there was applause every few minutes.
When the place was to close down for the night, the club manager met the two musicians and made an offer, "Good job guys. They love you. Would you both be able to play here next Christmas eve?"
Tim and Jim take a quick glance at each other and Jim says to the manager, "No problem, we would love to...is it ok with you if we leave our instruments here?"
``````````````````
My dear friend, Boka was taken to the emergency room of Apollo hospital. When the doctor saw the burn marks on his ears, he asked, "How did this happen?"
Boka replied, "Well the missus was ironing clothes right next to the computer table where I was playing games on my PC. She kept the iron next to the phone and when the phone rang, I picked the iron."
The doctor rolled his eyes and asked, "What happened to the other ear."
The dim-witted Boka replied, "Immediately after that, the phone rang again."
`````````````
Kingfisher Airlines was operating it's flight from Bombay to Goa. The passengers were all looking forward to their holiday in Goa when suddenly there was an announcement in the plane.
"There is a technical fault in one of the engines of the plane. This will cause a delay of 20 minutes in landing."
There was some commotion among the passengers and then everyone settled down.
A little later, there was another announcement.
"The first engine has failed and the second engine has also developed a fault.There will be a delay of another 60 minutes."
Passengers voice their concerns and then they settle down again.
A third announcement follows.
"Two engines failed. Third engine developed fault. Too much pressure on the last engine. Delay of another 2 hours"
An old lady, who was looking forward to the beaches of Goa and not too happy with the situation, said loudly "I hope the fourth engine remains intact. I don't want to spend the rest of the night up here."
```````````````
It was the founder's day at the Asian Heart institute, a reputed hospital specializing in heart diseases.
Dr. Robert Smith had been invited to be the chief guest and to deliver a speech on healthy living. During his speech, Dr Smith said, "The things that we eat can end our lives. Aerated drinks corrode our bodies, red meat is dangerous for the heart, Chinese food is full of sodium, our drinking water has bacteria, high fat foods have dangerous impacts over a period of time. However, there is one food that we have all relished and which can cause the highest level of damage. Can anyone seated here tell me what is that food which can cause anguish and misery for years after eating it.
There was silence in the audience, till the time a very old gentleman slowly raised his hand and replied, "Wedding cake."
`````````````````
Rita : Darling, I need $500 for shopping.
Harry (a little upset): You need brains more than money.
Rita (retorting): I can only ask you for something that you have!
```````````
Roger was taking a walk with the priest when he said he wanted to share something. The priest asked him to go on and Roger said, "It's about my son. I deal in clothes and I asked him to join my business. Last week, I caught him kissing one of the models."
The priest tried to console him, "It okay Roger. Why are you making such a big deal out of it? Boys will be boys."
Roger replied, "I deal in men's clothes."
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to another hot steamy edition of the diner.
Don't worry, it's not a sexy steamy diner, it just hot in the kitchen.
We're steaming monkey brains.
They're considered an aphrodisiac you know............in some parts of the world.
Parts of the world that I whole-heartedly plan to never visit.
It's just that some of those people may visit this country, and also the diner, and I would like them to feel right at home.
Especially people from those countries where the zombie apocalypse is taking place, provided they're able to get a visa to visit the US.
So, how would you like your monkey brains?
Have a happy day everyone, and watch out for those 'randy zombies' out there.
joe
The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.
```````````
Monty Moolik was the Chairman of an organization that promoted vegetarian food. For years, he had one wish - to experience the taste of pork. when the feeling was getting a little out of hand, he decided to go on a vacation all by himself and experiment. So he headed for a beach resort away from town, and found a nice restaurant to have his dinner. He ordered a roasted pig, and waited for the experience of a life time. The wait was making him a little edgy, when he heard his name being called from behind. When he turned to see who was calling out his name, he was flabbergasted to see a member of the Veg society walking towards him. At the same time, the waiter came along with a big platter, carrying a full roasted pig and an apple in it's mouth.
Monty thought fast and finally said to his fellow member, "Look at this! I just order an apple and look what it came in!!"
``````
Neil was engaged to Betty. One day, he dropped by to see her and said, "I am sorry, darling but I have to call off our engagement. I have to marry another girl."
Betty became hysterical and cried, "Why Niel? Why do you wish to marry another girl? Is she better looking than me?"
"No", answered Niel. "She is not."
Betty's next question was, "Does she cook better than me?"
"No", answered Niel, "Her best doesn't even come close to yours."
Betty asked, "Does she buy you things like I do?"
"No", answered Niel, "She does not work, and has no bank balance."
Betty, completely frustrated by now, asked, "Then what can she do that I cannot do?"
Niel, avoiding eye contact, answered, "She can go to court for child support."
````````````````
Tim, a clarinet player and Jim, a flute player were playing fusion music at a club on Christmas eve. Everybody seemed to be enjoying the music and there was applause every few minutes.
When the place was to close down for the night, the club manager met the two musicians and made an offer, "Good job guys. They love you. Would you both be able to play here next Christmas eve?"
Tim and Jim take a quick glance at each other and Jim says to the manager, "No problem, we would love to...is it ok with you if we leave our instruments here?"
``````````````````
My dear friend, Boka was taken to the emergency room of Apollo hospital. When the doctor saw the burn marks on his ears, he asked, "How did this happen?"
Boka replied, "Well the missus was ironing clothes right next to the computer table where I was playing games on my PC. She kept the iron next to the phone and when the phone rang, I picked the iron."
The doctor rolled his eyes and asked, "What happened to the other ear."
The dim-witted Boka replied, "Immediately after that, the phone rang again."
`````````````
Kingfisher Airlines was operating it's flight from Bombay to Goa. The passengers were all looking forward to their holiday in Goa when suddenly there was an announcement in the plane.
"There is a technical fault in one of the engines of the plane. This will cause a delay of 20 minutes in landing."
There was some commotion among the passengers and then everyone settled down.
A little later, there was another announcement.
"The first engine has failed and the second engine has also developed a fault.There will be a delay of another 60 minutes."
Passengers voice their concerns and then they settle down again.
A third announcement follows.
"Two engines failed. Third engine developed fault. Too much pressure on the last engine. Delay of another 2 hours"
An old lady, who was looking forward to the beaches of Goa and not too happy with the situation, said loudly "I hope the fourth engine remains intact. I don't want to spend the rest of the night up here."
```````````````
It was the founder's day at the Asian Heart institute, a reputed hospital specializing in heart diseases.
Dr. Robert Smith had been invited to be the chief guest and to deliver a speech on healthy living. During his speech, Dr Smith said, "The things that we eat can end our lives. Aerated drinks corrode our bodies, red meat is dangerous for the heart, Chinese food is full of sodium, our drinking water has bacteria, high fat foods have dangerous impacts over a period of time. However, there is one food that we have all relished and which can cause the highest level of damage. Can anyone seated here tell me what is that food which can cause anguish and misery for years after eating it.
There was silence in the audience, till the time a very old gentleman slowly raised his hand and replied, "Wedding cake."
`````````````````
Rita : Darling, I need $500 for shopping.
Harry (a little upset): You need brains more than money.
Rita (retorting): I can only ask you for something that you have!
```````````
Roger was taking a walk with the priest when he said he wanted to share something. The priest asked him to go on and Roger said, "It's about my son. I deal in clothes and I asked him to join my business. Last week, I caught him kissing one of the models."
The priest tried to console him, "It okay Roger. Why are you making such a big deal out of it? Boys will be boys."
Roger replied, "I deal in men's clothes."
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to another hot steamy edition of the diner.
Don't worry, it's not a sexy steamy diner, it just hot in the kitchen.
We're steaming monkey brains.
They're considered an aphrodisiac you know............in some parts of the world.
Parts of the world that I whole-heartedly plan to never visit.
It's just that some of those people may visit this country, and also the diner, and I would like them to feel right at home.
Especially people from those countries where the zombie apocalypse is taking place, provided they're able to get a visa to visit the US.
So, how would you like your monkey brains?
Have a happy day everyone, and watch out for those 'randy zombies' out there.
joe
Wishing a wonderful day to everyone here and everyone on their way! 
Have fun in the corner. 
