Posted By: gymcandy1
Hump Day - 07/12/17 03:00 AM
Wernher von Braun
The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
```````````
One of our interns asked another if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).
“I’m considering it,” replied the second intern.
Later, the first intern approached me looking concerned.
“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles. She’ll never make it!”
```````````
The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane leveled off, so did the engines. Grabbing the armrests, she asked aloud, “Did we stop?”
``````
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
```````````
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
````````````
We were stocking up on green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.
“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”
`````````
The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I finally got to the window, I asked the clerk, “Does the never-ending line of loud people ever drive you crazy?”
She shook her head. “We call it job security.”
``````````
Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. Handing me a camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”
```````````
Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
[Two weeks later …]
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
```````````
Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three copies of an office key. The guy returned ten minutes later with the copies … which he’d made on the Xerox machine.
````````````
Shane works in the deli department of a large supermarket chain, where he often finds himself in trouble. Just look at the notes management has supposedly written to him:
“Shane, stop putting Some Assembly Required stickers on the eight-piece chickens.”
“Shane, any free samples you give must come from the deli, not electronics.”
“Shane, when a customer asks where to find a product, give them an aisle number, not directions to Albertsons.”
````````````
I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Hazing the new guy,” he said with a grin.
“You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet.”
His reply was quick and to the point: “You didn’t.”
``````````````
A Briton flies into Australia and is asked by the immigration officer, “Do you have any felony convictions?”
The Briton replies, “Sorry. I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.”
``````````````
We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said.
“It won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.”
`````````
Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning,” he said. He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study.’”
```````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to another day in the life.
Yesterday was a very arduous day at the creek, only to find one pitiful little damaged point on the same sandbar where I found the last one at the creek. I covered as much creek as possible, but early in the morning it was hard to see through the deeper water.
At least I didn't come back empty handed.
It got up to 95 degrees.
Today I'm taking Baby to the vet.
Actually I'm drained from the day.
Have a Happy Hump Day everyone.
joe
The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
```````````
One of our interns asked another if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).
“I’m considering it,” replied the second intern.
Later, the first intern approached me looking concerned.
“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles. She’ll never make it!”
```````````
The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane leveled off, so did the engines. Grabbing the armrests, she asked aloud, “Did we stop?”
``````
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
```````````
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
````````````
We were stocking up on green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.
“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”
`````````
The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I finally got to the window, I asked the clerk, “Does the never-ending line of loud people ever drive you crazy?”
She shook her head. “We call it job security.”
``````````
Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. Handing me a camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”
```````````
Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
[Two weeks later …]
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
```````````
Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three copies of an office key. The guy returned ten minutes later with the copies … which he’d made on the Xerox machine.
````````````
Shane works in the deli department of a large supermarket chain, where he often finds himself in trouble. Just look at the notes management has supposedly written to him:
“Shane, stop putting Some Assembly Required stickers on the eight-piece chickens.”
“Shane, any free samples you give must come from the deli, not electronics.”
“Shane, when a customer asks where to find a product, give them an aisle number, not directions to Albertsons.”
````````````
I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Hazing the new guy,” he said with a grin.
“You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet.”
His reply was quick and to the point: “You didn’t.”
``````````````
A Briton flies into Australia and is asked by the immigration officer, “Do you have any felony convictions?”
The Briton replies, “Sorry. I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.”
``````````````
We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said.
“It won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.”
`````````
Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning,” he said. He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study.’”
```````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to another day in the life.
Yesterday was a very arduous day at the creek, only to find one pitiful little damaged point on the same sandbar where I found the last one at the creek. I covered as much creek as possible, but early in the morning it was hard to see through the deeper water.
At least I didn't come back empty handed.
It got up to 95 degrees.
Today I'm taking Baby to the vet.
Actually I'm drained from the day.
Have a Happy Hump Day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe hope all goes well with Baby today. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a sunny day! 
Then I'll come home and collapse as the dentist completely drains me. 
