Happy Hump Day

Bethany Austin

The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.
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Resume Reality

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You're probably looking for someone more experienced.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.

I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a college drop-out.

I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I've been accused of sexual harassment.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don't throw me away!

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
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Rejected Cereals

Cereal companies have been working hard to come up with new exciting breakfast cereals we can all shove down our pie holes in the morning, here are some of their less successful concepts that got rejected...

Toxic Waste Puffs

Beerios

Kevorkian Krispies

Honeymoon Nuts

Chernobyl Charms

Eboli-O's

Cap'n Crack

Kellogg's Ganja Puffs

Lucky Tabs O' Acid

Colostomy Crunch

Phil Graham Crackers

Fruit & Fabio

Look Again -- Them Ain't Raisins

Post-Modern Toasties and Rococo Puffs

Limbaugh Logs

Kellogg's "None of Your DADGUM Business"

Special AK47

UnaBran

CaCa Puffs
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Redneck Medical Terms

Rednecks seem to have a slightly different view of medical term definitions than the rest of us, lets have a look at a few...

Artery = The study of painting

Bacteria = The back door of the cafeteria

Barium = What doctors do when the patients die

Caesarean Section = A neighborhood in Rome

Cat Scan = Looking for Socks

Cauterize = Made eye contact with her

Dilate = Live long

Hangnail = Coathook

Impotent = Distingquished and well known

Labor Pain = Getting hurt at work

Morbid = A higher offer

Nitrates = Cheaper than day rates

Node = Was aware of

Papsmear = A paternity test

Pelvis = A cousin to Elvis

Postoperative = Mail carrier

Recovery Room = A place to do upholstery

Seizure = A Roman emperor

Terminal Illness = Getting sick at the airport

Tumor = An additional pair

Urine = Opposite of you're out

Varicose = Nearby

Vein =Conceited
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Good morning everyboomie.


Time to get over the old hump, and head down hill.


I'm hoping the trip down stirs up some breeze.


We had another superlative day here. I went parking with the pups, and then came home and chilled out, but then you already knew that didn't you?


Yes you did. I told you Tuesday would probably be the same as Monday.


The big question is, what will Hump day bring?


No it's not. Hump day will be exactly like Monday and Tuesday.


I'm pretty sure I told you that I had nothing on my plate all week.


Were you not paying attention?


Have a humpy day everyone.


joe

Sounds like you had a nice, relaxing day, Joe.

It's Tuesday night here. I haven't been feeling well all day. It started yesterday, and it's gotten worse since then. I may even call out tomorrow morning, depending on how I feel. I only have one job scheduled tomorrow, and it's the one I'm not going to be with that much longer anyway. I'll see how I feel in the morning. As for now, I'm off to get some rest.

Have a great Wednesday, everyone.

Joe, looks like you will be sliding down the hump as we go over. Enjoy wherever the day takes you!

venus, sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. Hope you wake up feeling great!

Groceries are on tap for today. Fridge is looking bare.

Have a happy day all!

Ana

Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe "nothing on your plate" does that mean you are on a diet?
Venus I hope you feel better. Ana not my favorite task! Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a sunny day!

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sounds like a nice relaxing day in store for you today.

Ana, enjoy grocery shopping.

Venus, hope you feel better soon.

Gerry, coffee please and thanks.

A walk with Nina this morning then a quiet day. Gaming included.

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Hump Day. I still have friends staying with me, as they have no power or water. We have 3 extra kitties staying with us. They are adapting very well to the change. We have started the clean up, but it will take time. My poor yard looks like a war zone, but we were so lucky not to have any major damage. Queen of Hearts tonight at the Eagles. They have power and water, and we could all use some time out. Lots of streets still closed due to washouts, flooding, and trees down. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC.

Happy Hump Day ya'll

Doglets and I are heading out to the park while it's still cool outside. Keoki has a k-laser appointment later today, so gotta get that walk in so I can rebound before then. I think I will make yogurt later and cook a few books and do a little laundry. That's the day. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Hello Boomers, hope you are all well and having a nice day!

Joe, have a great day and thanks for opening the diner every day!

Connie, so glad you survived Irma and without any damage.

Sorry you're not feeling well Venus, hope that changes when you get up.

Ana, did grocery shopping earlier and glad it's out of the way!

Gerry, Gail...wishing both of you a peaceful day.

L4L, hope Keoki's appt goes well. I did all my laundry yesterday, even managed to get it all ironed!

Weather horrible here today, heavy rain and hail...we've not had a great summer this year.

Enjoy the rest of your day everyone!

Mary

dropping by to say hi ! very hard to see with the cataracts ,

but i do manage to read most days.

just glad everyone is still hanging in there - have a great day ,all !

Hope you feel better very soon, venus!

Connie, wow, all those people and pets and no services and water everywhere. Sounds like a low-tech camping trip. Just kidding. It must be horrible, but it sounds like you are coping well. Last time I had any inconvience, was in a power outage for 3 days. Made do, but not having TV, computer, phone, etc. was trying. Best of luck to all of you, stay safe, and warm and forge ahead the best you can.

Mary, so good to see you. I wish I could send you some of our summer. We are looking for the 90's again next week...high 80's the rest of this one.

Niteowl, any plans to get those cataracts removed? I'm glad you are still able to read.

Sorta, How's your neighbor doing?

Doggies and I had a nice walk. It was too warm to leave Keoki in the car to rest, so we stopped after a mile. That's about his limit.

Niteowl
Cataracts, can’t you have them removed? In the UK they are removed in one eye then after a month or so from the remaining eye. A simple opp. barely takes ten minutes and it’s painless. I had mine done two years ago and the result is magic.

of course they can be removed - they just have to be at a certain

point to do so .trust me as soon as he thinks they are ready they will

take care of them. meanwhile they are a nuisance. it's also a bit of

travel here ,and scheduling in not always as soon as i'd like.

meanwhile - happy day all !

niteowl, I can sympathise with you re cataracts. I'm also waiting for mine to reach a certain point (ripen, according to my doc) before they can be removed. I'm in the UK and fed up waiting for the 'right' moment. Hugs!

Hi Sorta!

Thanks L4L! It's not been cold here, just very wet. At least we can escape to the coast when we're able, we can watch the rain fall in a different place!

Night all, take care!

Mary

There ya go, rain in a different place is always better than rain at home.

We are back from our vet visit. I'm resting for a second, then going up to make corn bread for dinner. After dinner I'm collapsing into bed with a book....or perhaps more Sherlock.

Hi Mary!

L4L, neighbor OK so far with her sister and other relatives in Florida with the damages being light. They are still without power there, but coping pretty well. I think the neighbor worries more than the Florida crew.

Weather here is weird. Overcast morning, looked like rain, but nothing. Now it's sunny and fluffy white clouds on a lovely blue sky. Nice sea breeze. Couldn't be better.

Happy Hump Day everyone

Another day Another 4 quarters in my pocket

Looking forward to a quiet night

Good night, everyone.