Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip & Surf Sunday - 10/08/17 01:29 AM
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
```````````````
Really funny jokes-Mr. Jay Leno of the Tonight Show
When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:
Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?"
A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"
Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?"
An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"
Jay Leno: What are magnets?"
A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"
Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?"
A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."
``````````````
Tom called the police helpline and said, "Hey! I am in urgent need of help."
The attendant asked, "Calm down and tell me what happened."
Tom replied, "There's a fight between two women. It's concerning me."
The attendant asked, "So what is the crisis?"
Tom replied, "The ugly one is winning!"
````````````
The shoe salesman said to the difficult customer, "Madam, I have shown you all the pairs of shoes that are on display in this store but you don't seem to like anything. What is it that you are looking for?"
The lady, ignoring the salesman's question, pointed out to a box and said, "What is there in that box? You have not shown it to me yet."
The salesman replies, "Madam, please have mercy on me. That is my lunch box."
```````````
A successful entrepreneur won a business award in the IT field and was asked by a reporter as to how he managed to motivate his workers to come to office on time.
The entrepreneur replied, "Oh, that' easy. I have 45 people working for me but only 44 free parking spaces.
`````````
Peter said to his wife Claudia, "You will not believe what happened today! I bought an old lamp at the junkyard sale and guess what? I rubbed it and out came a genie!"
Claudia said excitedly, "Really?? Did you ask for anything?"
Peter replied, "Yes i did. I asked for your intelligence to be enhanced ten times."
Claudia said, "Oh! That's so sweet of you."
Peter retorted, "Yeah, but I forgot anything multiplied by zero remains zero."
```````
Jack says to his wife Mandy, "You've been missing since the last 5 hours. Where were you?"
Mandy replies, "I had gone shopping at the mall."
Jack asks, "Ok, so what have you got?"
Mandy replies, "A lipstick and 50 selfies."
`````````````
Cristina was going through labour pain at the hospital. She was screaming in agony, and looking at her condition, her boyfriend Peter said, "Darling, I am so sorry that you have to go through this because of me."
Cristina replied, "Relax Peter, it's actually none of your fault anyway."
`````````
Anita went to her mother's home for a couple of weeks to look after her ailing mother, leaving behind her three year old in the care of her mother-in-law.
The day she reached her mother's home, she received an sms from her mother-in-law which read: "Please return soon. Son sad without you"
Anita messaged back to her mother-in-law: "Whose son? Yours or mine?"
```````````
David was getting irritated standing outside the public phone booth. Losing his patience, he knocked on the door and said, "Hello there, you have been in there for more than 20 minutes and I have not seen you speak at all."
The guy inside the booth replied, "Dude I am speaking to the missus."
`````````
Pablo asked his friend David, "I heard you escaped from the Operation room. What happened?
David replied, "You have no idea what I went through at the hospital. The nurse kept saying 'Don't be worried', 'Don't be tense', 'Don't panic', 'It will soon be over', 'It is only a minor operation' and so on."
Pablo said, "She must be trying to pacify you. Why were you so scared?"
Davis replied, "I was scared....because she was speaking to the Doctor!!"
``````````
Rebecca, who had 9 children from her marriage to Dan, decided to remarry when Dan died. So she married Bosco and had 8 more children.
When Bosco died, Rebecca decided to marry one more time and had 6 more children from her marriage to John.
One day, Rebecca passes away. At the funeral, Father Gomes prayed for her and said, "Thank you Almighty, for they are finally together."
One of the mourners asked another, "Does Father Gomes mean Dan, Bosco or John?"
The other mourner replies, "I think he is referring to her legs."
````````
Jose had a haircut at a new salon that had opened in the neighborhood. When he stepped out, he met his friend Pedro. Pedro asked him, "How is this new joint?"
Jose replied, "Well, the haircut was okay but I did not appreciate the 4-letter word that the barber kept repeating during the haircut."
Pedro, now intrigued, asked, "What was that?"
Jose replied, "DANG!"
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Here's hoping your Sunday is all you ever dreamed it would be.
Have a happy day!
joe
- Stephen Wright
```````````````
Really funny jokes-Mr. Jay Leno of the Tonight Show
When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:
Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?"
A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"
Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?"
An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"
Jay Leno: What are magnets?"
A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"
Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?"
A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."
``````````````
Tom called the police helpline and said, "Hey! I am in urgent need of help."
The attendant asked, "Calm down and tell me what happened."
Tom replied, "There's a fight between two women. It's concerning me."
The attendant asked, "So what is the crisis?"
Tom replied, "The ugly one is winning!"
````````````
The shoe salesman said to the difficult customer, "Madam, I have shown you all the pairs of shoes that are on display in this store but you don't seem to like anything. What is it that you are looking for?"
The lady, ignoring the salesman's question, pointed out to a box and said, "What is there in that box? You have not shown it to me yet."
The salesman replies, "Madam, please have mercy on me. That is my lunch box."
```````````
A successful entrepreneur won a business award in the IT field and was asked by a reporter as to how he managed to motivate his workers to come to office on time.
The entrepreneur replied, "Oh, that' easy. I have 45 people working for me but only 44 free parking spaces.
`````````
Peter said to his wife Claudia, "You will not believe what happened today! I bought an old lamp at the junkyard sale and guess what? I rubbed it and out came a genie!"
Claudia said excitedly, "Really?? Did you ask for anything?"
Peter replied, "Yes i did. I asked for your intelligence to be enhanced ten times."
Claudia said, "Oh! That's so sweet of you."
Peter retorted, "Yeah, but I forgot anything multiplied by zero remains zero."
```````
Jack says to his wife Mandy, "You've been missing since the last 5 hours. Where were you?"
Mandy replies, "I had gone shopping at the mall."
Jack asks, "Ok, so what have you got?"
Mandy replies, "A lipstick and 50 selfies."
`````````````
Cristina was going through labour pain at the hospital. She was screaming in agony, and looking at her condition, her boyfriend Peter said, "Darling, I am so sorry that you have to go through this because of me."
Cristina replied, "Relax Peter, it's actually none of your fault anyway."
`````````
Anita went to her mother's home for a couple of weeks to look after her ailing mother, leaving behind her three year old in the care of her mother-in-law.
The day she reached her mother's home, she received an sms from her mother-in-law which read: "Please return soon. Son sad without you"
Anita messaged back to her mother-in-law: "Whose son? Yours or mine?"
```````````
David was getting irritated standing outside the public phone booth. Losing his patience, he knocked on the door and said, "Hello there, you have been in there for more than 20 minutes and I have not seen you speak at all."
The guy inside the booth replied, "Dude I am speaking to the missus."
`````````
Pablo asked his friend David, "I heard you escaped from the Operation room. What happened?
David replied, "You have no idea what I went through at the hospital. The nurse kept saying 'Don't be worried', 'Don't be tense', 'Don't panic', 'It will soon be over', 'It is only a minor operation' and so on."
Pablo said, "She must be trying to pacify you. Why were you so scared?"
Davis replied, "I was scared....because she was speaking to the Doctor!!"
``````````
Rebecca, who had 9 children from her marriage to Dan, decided to remarry when Dan died. So she married Bosco and had 8 more children.
When Bosco died, Rebecca decided to marry one more time and had 6 more children from her marriage to John.
One day, Rebecca passes away. At the funeral, Father Gomes prayed for her and said, "Thank you Almighty, for they are finally together."
One of the mourners asked another, "Does Father Gomes mean Dan, Bosco or John?"
The other mourner replies, "I think he is referring to her legs."
````````
Jose had a haircut at a new salon that had opened in the neighborhood. When he stepped out, he met his friend Pedro. Pedro asked him, "How is this new joint?"
Jose replied, "Well, the haircut was okay but I did not appreciate the 4-letter word that the barber kept repeating during the haircut."
Pedro, now intrigued, asked, "What was that?"
Jose replied, "DANG!"
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Here's hoping your Sunday is all you ever dreamed it would be.
Have a happy day!
joe
Good Morning Joe, Midgie, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready.
