Monday Morn

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday Morn - 10/29/17 09:26 PM

Frights and chills
Spooky thrills
Candy and nuts
Seedy pumpkin guts
Tricking for treats
Treasure bag of sweets
A floating apparition
Imaginative night vision
Zombie, werewolf, vampire
Witches' cauldrons lit afire
Creepy ghost and spectre
Hooded Reaper—soul collector

~Terri Guillemets, "Halloween Night"

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"


The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands

over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to

the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.

"Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart."

Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."

After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

"Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."


A mother and daughter were riding in a cab though New York City daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on a street "Mommy," the little girl asked, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to come home from work." the mother answered.

"C'mon lady, they're hookers!" retorted the cab driver.

After a stunned silence, the daughter asked, "Mommy, do hookers have children?"

"Of course," the mother replied, "where do you think cabbies come from?"


There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim's Grocery Store.

The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel - they say - because it's bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you.

They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

And Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"


A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into

its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five

dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,

"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma "


Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.

Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"

To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"


A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."


"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40

years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he

did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming

destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding

Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.

He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so

many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he

whispered to himself.

He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something,

move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook

his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have

happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold

and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he

said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "And for

heaven's sake, clean up this room!"


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

How is everyone doing this fine new morning, and how was your Sunday? happydance

My Sunday was really nice. The weather perfect for taking the dogs parking. lab

Sunday afternoon was great. I watched some great football. yay

If you didn't get to watch the Houston/Seattle game you missed probably the best game of the season so far. hamster

What a game! Both quarterbacks threw for over 400 yards, and 4 touchdowns, and both lead their team in rushing yards, and just as I was thinking Houston would win it, Russell Wilson moved Seattle down field to score in about 45 seconds. shocked

That was a big disappointment, but it was still a heck of a game. bravo

Monday is supposed to be real nice here too. thumbsup

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Morn - 10/29/17 10:03 PM

Joe, did you see Bears Zach Miller's injury today? That made me scream!! rotfl Glad you enjoyed the games today and had a nice run with the pups! Shadow and Nugget went swimming today, they don't care how cold it is!

Have a happy day all! Now that my migraine is gone, I have a cold. lol I think this is some kind of test for me!

Ana wave
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Monday Morn - 10/29/17 10:15 PM

I didn't see it Ana, but I just watched it replay on line. HORRIBLE! scared

I feel so sorry for him. That'll end his season for sure. eek

Glad your dogs had a nice swim. bravo

G'nite. wave

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Morn - 10/29/17 10:31 PM

THat certainly elicits a groan when watching it! They say dislocated, but I say much worse than that!

Sweet dreams...
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 07:55 AM

Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. It's 43 this morning and I'm loving it. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 10:06 AM

Morning Boomers

Morning Joe, Ana, Connie. Wishing you a wonderful day.

Storming here last night. Over 300.000 people in Massachusetts without power. No school today and roads were blocked off. We're doing good. Power is on now in my area.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 11:14 AM

Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

It's cool in AL. I had to put on long pants and look around for a long-sleeved shirt. I'll be cooking books while the house is quiet. wavegirl

Gail, sorry to hear so many folks are without power, but I'm very glad you are doing ok.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 04:03 PM

Back from the Endodontist. Finally the promise of no more pain in that capped tooth from 3 months ago. I sure hope it works. He did a root canal through the cap. Had that done once before. Fairly simple deal, a small hole and then a filling. Unfortunately, this time I'm being referred back to MY dentist for the permanent filling??? That didn't happen before. MORE money going out now. Can't handle much more of this or I'm definitely broke. I wonder if the dentists and specialists have a 'deal' going where they keep referring you back and forth so everyone gets something. So weird. Have to make an appointment in a week for the filling. It better not be expensive!
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 05:02 PM

Hi Joe, Ana, Connie, Gail, L4L, Sorta and everyone. We had the same storm Gail, but we lost power last night. It finally came back this afternoon. Thank Goodness! Lots of people still without power. Hope you all had a nice day! fall
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 06:19 PM

Sorta, sounds like quite the production. Hope it has a good ending for you.

Gerry, so glad you have power back. How were you able to stay warm?
Posted by: soot

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 08:51 PM

Go Broncos!!! woot

Hey Joe Ana Connie Gail Sorta and L4L hearts

Hey Joe, the Cowboys did most excellent yesterday yes

Yes Ana, bad injury followed by quick surgery!

Oh my Gail...I read about the storms today and happy you are OK and power is coming back on

I think I'll have a cup of tea and make a bacon sandwich Connie and Gerry.

Sure hope that procedure works for you SortaB

Hey everyone laugh I'm home from work, ate, fed dogs and now it's time for some gardening and then off to bed wink

Sleep well everyone

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Morn - 10/30/17 10:19 PM

Nighty night all....