Happy Thump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Happy Thump Day - 11/01/17 08:31 PM

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.

Winston Churchill

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Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse",she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.
"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.
His mother then says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school again!

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Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.

"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.

He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!"

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On the last day of kindergarten, the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son gave her a box. She hook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it flowers?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Then the candy store owner's son gave her his package. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it a box of candy?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Next the liquor store owner's son handed her his box.

She shook it, held it up, and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "I bet I know what it is. Is it wine?"

"No," said the boy.

She touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it Champagne?"

"No," said the boy.

"I give up. What is it?"

The boy grinned. "A puppy!"

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A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him.

She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?"

The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids".

The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife.

So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table?"

The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher".

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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing," his mother asked?
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

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A mother took her little boy to church.
While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

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Jimmy came home from school with an F on his geography test. His mother was reviewing his work, and noticed that he had gotten one particularly easy question wrong.

"Jimmy," she asked, "Santa Cruz is in California."

"No, it isn't. It doesn't exist."

"Of course it exists. What makes you think it's imaginary?"

"That's what you told me, mommy," the boy replied.

"When did I tell you that?"

"Last Christmas, when I wanted to know why I didn't get a horse."

"No, I told you that Santa CLAUS doesn't exist, not Santa CRUZ."

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Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Happy.... think....Thursday! thumbsup


I have two words for you.........FOOTBALL!!!! yay


snicker Sorry....one word. wink


How about these five? happydance


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe


Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/01/17 09:04 PM

lol I'm sending Roger over to you. I'm football, golf and baseball'd out! YOu can watch together. I like my occasional hockey game.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/02/17 04:57 AM

fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Ana hope you feel better soon. There are still people without power here, but we are okay. It's been cloudy, cold, and misty. Coffee, tea, and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a sunny day. fall
Posted by: connie

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/02/17 07:30 AM

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thump Day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
Posted by: GBC

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/02/17 07:35 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your football.

Ana, have a great day!

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Got a routine Vet visit for Nina this morning. Wishing everyone a super duper day!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/02/17 11:32 AM

Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

AC back on in AL.

Daughter was in the ER last night. Doc said she either has food poisoning or a tummy bug...not sure which. Timing is awful as her SO is leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks.

I had an up-all-night type thing going on last night. I swear I have a psychic link to daughter.

We were up late watching game 7. I love it when the World Series goes 7.

wavegirl
Posted by: soot

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/02/17 06:23 PM

Happy Thump Day Diner Gang

That's a great five Joe and I hope everyone did have a great day!

I'm off to garden a bit and then some research

Have a good evening everyone wave2

. . .

Dropped back in to say goodnight everyone

Sleep well sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Happy Thump Day - 11/02/17 10:41 PM

Nighty night all...long full day!