Happy Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Happy Hump Day - 11/07/17 06:36 PM

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

~Alice Roosevelt Longworth~

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection
(lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.


On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the familys only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.

When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, Ive seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you.

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

The mermaid said to him, If you will have make love with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right. And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.

And there he also met the mermaid. I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only make love with me fifteen times in a row.

The young son replied, Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row? And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, Why not THIRTY times in a row?

Finally, she said, Enough Okay, if you will make love with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.

Then the young son asked: "Wait How do I know that thirty times in a row wont kill you like it did the cow?"


With Sam dying, his wife Carol was maintaining a candlelight
vigil by his side.

She held his fragile hand praying and crying, this roused him
from his slumber.

He looked up and his pale lips said..."my darling Carol."

"Hush, my love"...she said... "rest, don't talk."

In his tired voice..."I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess"...replied the weeping Carol...
"everything is all right, just go to sleep."

"No"...he struggles..."I must die in peace, I have something to
tell you Carol...I cheated on you!"

"I know"...Carol whispered as she softly stroked his forehead...
"just relax and let the poison do it's job."


A man returns from Africa feeling very ill. He visits his doctor, who immediately rushes the guy to the Mayo Clinic.

The man wakes up to the ringing of a telephone in a stark room at the hospital and answers it. We've received the results from your tests, says the doctor on the other end of the line. Bad news you have Ebola.

Oh, my God, cries the man. Doc! What am I going to do?

Don't worry. First, we're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes, and pita bread, says the doctor.

Will that cure me?

No, but it's the only food we???ll be able to get under the door.


Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ?an`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Your $on.

After receiving His son`s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.



Sadie's husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night.

One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?"

"What Dear?" she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck."


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Hump Day already? whistle

I'm having a little trouble adjusting to the time change. yes

I'm used to getting ready for bed when it gets dark, so now I have to get this posted and get to bed a whole hour earlier. shocked

That's because I'm scared of the dark. When it gets dark, I have to draw the shades and jump into bed, and hide under the covers. eek

I know from my childhood that the monsters can't find me if I hide under the covers. taz

I'm pretty sure I can't count on Missy to protect me. puppy

I have to say though, that she makes a heck of a burglar alarm. thumbsup

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/07/17 07:08 PM

So yesterday I saw my favorite dentist and he spent FIVE minutes drilling out a tiny tiny tiny temp filling and putting in another one after the endodontist did that root canal through my NEW crown. My dentist must have an agreement with the other place because he told me he said for them NOT to fill it so he could look at it before the filling. And for this nice tooth that I'd already spent 2100.00 on in the last 3 months, he added today's costs for that 5 minutes at 210.00! I almost fell over. It's horrendous for that tiny little miniscule filling. Sigh. I'm thinking seriously about finding a new dentist (after 48 years with the same guy). Can't imagine the costs for ONE tooth. I know I'm paying for 'expert' treatment, but 2300 for ONE tooth is a bit much I think.

BUT in good news: Headlight on my car was still not staying on, so my neighbor looked at it again and it came on with some wiggling, but it never stays on. I got fed up and started thinking about paying another almost 400 bucks to fix it but then decided to call my local mechanic around the corner, and he had me come right in, and in 30 minutes, most of it waiting for a part to arrive, the headlight was fixed and the total cost??? $26.42! Yeah, a BIG difference between that and the first repair on the other side. The mechanic says he's going to have nightmares about the story I told him. I can't repeat what he called the guys at the place who charged me such a huge sum for a tiny job. Live and learn. I'm learning.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/07/17 10:25 PM

Joe, the monsters only want to cuddle with you. hearts lol

Sorta, the costs of dental work is insane these days! And the fact they do it on multiple visits is even crazier! I'm glad you got your headlight fixed though.

Have a happy day everyone. One thing about being outside all day and walking all day is I sure do sleep good! lol

Ana wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 05:17 AM

fall Good Morning Joe, Sorta, Ana and everyone. Joe it is hard to adjust to the time change. Sorta I know what you are going thru. I had a similar problem with a tooth only it had to be pulled because it had decayed under the crown! Ana I'll bet you do enjoy "working" outside! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate for everyone.
Enjoy your day Boomers! fall
Posted by: connie

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 07:41 AM

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. I go for an eye exam for new glasses tomorrow. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, and French Toast in the NC. fall
Posted by: GBC

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 07:50 AM

Morning Boomers fall

Joe, have a great day!

Ana, glad you're enjoying being outside.

Sorta, enjoy the day.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, enjoy the Eagles tonight.

Wishing everyone a super good day today. puppy
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 10:35 AM

Gonna be a good day I think. Rained a bit yesterday, totally unexpected by everyone including the weather guys. Poured in some places and nothing in others. Weird.

AND just signed up for a new class at our Police Department/Fire Department. A few years back did the Citizen's Academy which was about 2 1/2 months of weekly meetings. 'Graduated', got my mini-police badge pin (so cute). Then they won't let you take that class twice so nothing. BUT now, next Wednesday, I and my friend/neighbor have signed up for a CERT (civilian emergency response team) class. One night 2 1/2 hours of 'Active Shooter' training hosted by the police, fire, and Emergency department of University of San Diego. Gonna be fun. Training in all sorts of survival stuff, and in helping others survive in case of this type of emergency. Looking forward to the training and to seeing some of the guys that were in my other training class. Might even get on the local news as I assume all stations will send reporters to cover this event. Yep, gonna be a TV star. joy
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 10:42 AM

Happy Hump Day puppy

We are only supposed to hit 70 today, with rain arriving at some point. As soon as I post, I'll gear up and take Keoki for his wander walk. I have to go into town this afternoon, but hubby is coming home to get me so all I have to worry about is dressing wink

Joe, my dogs are so confused by the time change. Their tummies are still on the other time and they let us know every night. They come to the kitchen while I'm cooking our dinner, and I have to send them out to wait. Luckily they'll adjust in a couple of days.

Sorta, I'm with you. Dental costs are out of control and out of reach for many folks. Glad you got your headlight fixed. You'll always be a star in our eyes.

Ana, how many dogs are you walking now?

Gerry, hopefully before too long it will be cool enough for hot chocolate. Thanks.

Connie, have fun tonight. I need to do that new glasses thing too. wavegirl

Gail, hope your day is great!
Posted by: MsMercury

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 10:45 AM

Hello Boomers, hoping you are well and having a good day!

Joe, hope you have a happy day too!

Ouch, Sorta! That's a horrendous amount of $$$ for one tooth. Gkad your headlight didn't sting!

Ana, glad you're sleeping well!

Gerry, thanks for the hot chocolate...hit the spot!

Connie, good luck with your eye exam!

Gail, hope your day's a good one!

L4L, hope you get your walk in before the rain hits lab

Been out with Diana today trying to bring Christmas shopping to an end! I think I managed it. Home now, time to think about what to have for tea tonight...pizza sounds about right!

Take care guys!

Mary hearts wavegirl
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 11:53 AM

Wow, Mary, you are on top of things if you are finished with your Christmas shopping. Have you begun decorating yet?
Posted by: MsMercury

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 01:18 PM

Tea over and done with. Pizza was delicious...mushrooms, red onion, mixed (red, orange, yellow)bell peppers and cheese, made from scratch. Soooo good!

L4L, I love shopping, cooking and baking for Christmas but I leave the decorating as long as possible. It doesn't agree with my patience. Every year I look at all the stuff and wonder what I could get away with leaving out! rotfl

Time to chill now with my Kindle...I'm reading Tess Gerritsen's Rizzoli & Isles books and loving them.

Night all!

Mary hearts wavegirl
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 01:21 PM

Mary, I never mind putting it all up, but hate taking it down and putting it away. I need elves for that. Your pizza sounds lovely! Sweet dreams
Posted by: soot

Re: Happy Hump Day - 11/08/17 07:48 PM

Hello everyone laugh The work day officially ended and now it's time to unwind, garden, game a little, feed the dogs and listen to music

I'll have a cup of tea and grits ladies