Posted By: gymcandy1
TGIF - 02/09/18 01:14 AM
Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.
~Thomas Jefferson~
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There she is. Sitting there at the bar. Time to make your move. But what do you say? You start to get a little nervous. Then you remember. “Oh yeah. I have a new iphone. And some oh so witty pick up lines.” You relax. You walk up to her casually and say:
I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Plus I have an iphone!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put u and iphone together.
Hey baby. iphone you tomorrow?
Hi. My friend over there bet you wouldn’t let me google you on our first date. So what do you say? I’ll buy you a drink. You can even google me back. My iphone battery is big and strong and fully charged up, so we could google all night.
Did you know my iphone is also a remote control? Let’s go somewhere remote and you can have control.
Hi there angel. Did it hurt when you fell from heav- oh, sorry, I’m getting a call on my new iphone…. Oh, it was Saint Peter. He said have a great time on your trip to Earth, and don’t worry about being good- they won’t keep score up there while you are on leave.
I AM happy to see you but that’s just an ipod in my pocket.
Hi there. Wanna use your fingers to enlarge my pixel size?
Is your dad a thief? Because if he is, I’ll keep my new ipod hidden when you introduce him to me next Saturday.
I think I need to call Heaven- on my new iphone- because they lost one of their angels.
I forgot my phone number. Can I have yours? I’ll store it in my new iphone.
Excuse me- I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your place? Let me just open up Google maps in my iphone.
How much does my new iphone weigh? Enough to break the ice. Can I enter in your phone number?
You know, inheriting 50 million dollars doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart, even if you have a four houses, two islands and a brand new iphone like this one.
Excuse me, did you just call me on my iphone? Then I guess it wasn’t my phone that was vibrating in my pocket.
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These popular redneck pickup lines were obtained by InnocentEnglish- the first site to acquire them- by sending out private investigators into redneck bars across the South. These brave women put on very uncomfortable cowboy boots and 6 times their usual amounts of make up in order to attract redneck men at many different bars. They took notes of every pick up line used, and together created this list of the most popular and commonly used redneck pickup lines.
BEST FUNNY REDNECK PICKUP LINES
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d sure shootin’ put U and me together.
I may not have as many teeth as Fred Flinstone, but wanna watch me make my bedrock?
Your eyes are the same color as my 1972 Ford Pickup Truck. I mean without the mud. Or the nude girl on the mud flaps.
Howdy. You’re not the kinda unchristian girl that goes out drinking and then spends the night with the first loser she meets are ya? Well then, how about your uglier friend there?
Well, aren’t you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Hey Baby. Wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 11 anyway.
Can I make you a drink? My still is in the back of my camper- Or as I call it- my sheep shack.
Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud! You are mighty purdy for a heavy girl.
Can I borrow your t-shirt? I gotta go wipe the oil off my dip stick.
If I had a garden, I’d put your tulips next to my tulips. And then plant some watermelon and probably a few tomato plants. It’s a little late in the year for lettuce, but we might be able to still get a few green beans to grow, iffen we add enough fertilizer, and give ‘em a lot of evening water since day water can just kill off those suckers right quick, cuz of how strong the sun is and those water beads just act like a magnifier, which is great for zapping those sunbich aphids but don’t do the vegetables no good at all which is why- what was we talking about?
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
Hi there darling. Wow, I bet you were really hot when you were about my age!
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I’ll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
You’re hair is just about as purdy as that squirrel’s I skinned this morning. And it smells just as good!
A few more beers, and I’d probly do ya. So give me a minute darling, and then I’ll give you one!
Hello there darlin. You look finer than a new set of retreads on my 58' peek-up truck.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well this here train has one more day to chug through before pulling into the weekend.
It'S FRIDAY!!
I picked up another passenger to help me make it a great weekend. Beau has come to visit.
We have 65 degrees on tap for Friday.
Not bad for a February 9th eh?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Thomas Jefferson~
``````````````````
There she is. Sitting there at the bar. Time to make your move. But what do you say? You start to get a little nervous. Then you remember. “Oh yeah. I have a new iphone. And some oh so witty pick up lines.” You relax. You walk up to her casually and say:
I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Plus I have an iphone!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put u and iphone together.
Hey baby. iphone you tomorrow?
Hi. My friend over there bet you wouldn’t let me google you on our first date. So what do you say? I’ll buy you a drink. You can even google me back. My iphone battery is big and strong and fully charged up, so we could google all night.
Did you know my iphone is also a remote control? Let’s go somewhere remote and you can have control.
Hi there angel. Did it hurt when you fell from heav- oh, sorry, I’m getting a call on my new iphone…. Oh, it was Saint Peter. He said have a great time on your trip to Earth, and don’t worry about being good- they won’t keep score up there while you are on leave.
I AM happy to see you but that’s just an ipod in my pocket.
Hi there. Wanna use your fingers to enlarge my pixel size?
Is your dad a thief? Because if he is, I’ll keep my new ipod hidden when you introduce him to me next Saturday.
I think I need to call Heaven- on my new iphone- because they lost one of their angels.
I forgot my phone number. Can I have yours? I’ll store it in my new iphone.
Excuse me- I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your place? Let me just open up Google maps in my iphone.
How much does my new iphone weigh? Enough to break the ice. Can I enter in your phone number?
You know, inheriting 50 million dollars doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart, even if you have a four houses, two islands and a brand new iphone like this one.
Excuse me, did you just call me on my iphone? Then I guess it wasn’t my phone that was vibrating in my pocket.
````````````
These popular redneck pickup lines were obtained by InnocentEnglish- the first site to acquire them- by sending out private investigators into redneck bars across the South. These brave women put on very uncomfortable cowboy boots and 6 times their usual amounts of make up in order to attract redneck men at many different bars. They took notes of every pick up line used, and together created this list of the most popular and commonly used redneck pickup lines.
BEST FUNNY REDNECK PICKUP LINES
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d sure shootin’ put U and me together.
I may not have as many teeth as Fred Flinstone, but wanna watch me make my bedrock?
Your eyes are the same color as my 1972 Ford Pickup Truck. I mean without the mud. Or the nude girl on the mud flaps.
Howdy. You’re not the kinda unchristian girl that goes out drinking and then spends the night with the first loser she meets are ya? Well then, how about your uglier friend there?
Well, aren’t you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Hey Baby. Wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 11 anyway.
Can I make you a drink? My still is in the back of my camper- Or as I call it- my sheep shack.
Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud! You are mighty purdy for a heavy girl.
Can I borrow your t-shirt? I gotta go wipe the oil off my dip stick.
If I had a garden, I’d put your tulips next to my tulips. And then plant some watermelon and probably a few tomato plants. It’s a little late in the year for lettuce, but we might be able to still get a few green beans to grow, iffen we add enough fertilizer, and give ‘em a lot of evening water since day water can just kill off those suckers right quick, cuz of how strong the sun is and those water beads just act like a magnifier, which is great for zapping those sunbich aphids but don’t do the vegetables no good at all which is why- what was we talking about?
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
Hi there darling. Wow, I bet you were really hot when you were about my age!
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I’ll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
You’re hair is just about as purdy as that squirrel’s I skinned this morning. And it smells just as good!
A few more beers, and I’d probly do ya. So give me a minute darling, and then I’ll give you one!
Hello there darlin. You look finer than a new set of retreads on my 58' peek-up truck.
````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Well this here train has one more day to chug through before pulling into the weekend.
It'S FRIDAY!!
I picked up another passenger to help me make it a great weekend. Beau has come to visit.
We have 65 degrees on tap for Friday.
Not bad for a February 9th eh?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Most of my clients have canceled, but I am taking others from people afraid to drive. Fun day ahead! Enjoy Beau! 
