Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 01:29 AM
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
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Spotted in the classifieds: “For sale: cemetery plot, $200, so I don’t have to spend all eternity beside my ex!”
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A few months ago, Hamas “arrested” a dolphin for being an Israeli spy. Readers of Reason magazine came up with titles for the film this action might inspire:
• Orcapussy
• Free Schmuelly
• Goldflipper
• The Porpoise-Driven Life
• Dolphinfidel
` ``````````
The Best of The Onion Magazine Covers
• “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work
• The 100 Worst Senators
• The World’s 10 Most Powerful Women: We Make Them Discuss Fashion and Lindsay Lohan
Source: The Onion Magazine: The Iconic Covers That Transformed an Undeserving World (Little, Brown)
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“Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.”
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“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”
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Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:
• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably
Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser
• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts
Source: Topeka Capital-Journal
• Free Vain Screening
Source: Boston Globe
• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman
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We all make mistakes. Some are just more public than others, like these real newspaper typos:
“Here the bridal couple stood, facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.” Modesto News-Herald (California)
“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan)
“Mrs. ____ fell down stairs at her home this morning, breaking her myhodudududududududosy, and suffered painful injuries.” Ohio paper
“A headline in an item in the Feb. 15th edition incorrectly stated ‘Stolen Groceries.’ It should have read: ‘Homicide.’” Enquirer-Bulletin
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Think the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines:
Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless
Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!”
Headline: Maryland Agrees to Tobacco Settlement
Response: “Well, that’s all we need—an entire settlement of people devoted to their cancer sticks. What’s next, a drunk-driving commune?”
Headline: C.C. United Se Une Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro Centroamerica
Response: “I was disgusted with the sloppy spelling for [this] article. There were so many typos, I couldn’t understand a word.”
``````````
File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know.
•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker
•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant
•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself
•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby
`````````````
A headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton Airport May Soon Be Known as Appleton Airport.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump day already?
Here's a headline for you; Senior Survives Another Day, Celebrates By Reminiscing About Yesterday.
I am fondly remembering when I had a laptop that worked.
I sent my laptop in for repair, and I'm on my back-up laptop.
Now I remember why I quit using this one.
Hope they hurry with the despair, I mean the repair.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
`````````````````````
Spotted in the classifieds: “For sale: cemetery plot, $200, so I don’t have to spend all eternity beside my ex!”
`````````````
A few months ago, Hamas “arrested” a dolphin for being an Israeli spy. Readers of Reason magazine came up with titles for the film this action might inspire:
• Orcapussy
• Free Schmuelly
• Goldflipper
• The Porpoise-Driven Life
• Dolphinfidel
` ``````````
The Best of The Onion Magazine Covers
• “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work
• The 100 Worst Senators
• The World’s 10 Most Powerful Women: We Make Them Discuss Fashion and Lindsay Lohan
Source: The Onion Magazine: The Iconic Covers That Transformed an Undeserving World (Little, Brown)
```````````````
“Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.”
```````````
“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”
````````
Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:
• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably
Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser
• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts
Source: Topeka Capital-Journal
• Free Vain Screening
Source: Boston Globe
• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman
```````````
We all make mistakes. Some are just more public than others, like these real newspaper typos:
“Here the bridal couple stood, facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.” Modesto News-Herald (California)
“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan)
“Mrs. ____ fell down stairs at her home this morning, breaking her myhodudududududududosy, and suffered painful injuries.” Ohio paper
“A headline in an item in the Feb. 15th edition incorrectly stated ‘Stolen Groceries.’ It should have read: ‘Homicide.’” Enquirer-Bulletin
```````````
Think the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines:
Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless
Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!”
Headline: Maryland Agrees to Tobacco Settlement
Response: “Well, that’s all we need—an entire settlement of people devoted to their cancer sticks. What’s next, a drunk-driving commune?”
Headline: C.C. United Se Une Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro Centroamerica
Response: “I was disgusted with the sloppy spelling for [this] article. There were so many typos, I couldn’t understand a word.”
``````````
File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know.
•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker
•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant
•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself
•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby
`````````````
A headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton Airport May Soon Be Known as Appleton Airport.”
``````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hump day already?
Here's a headline for you; Senior Survives Another Day, Celebrates By Reminiscing About Yesterday.
I am fondly remembering when I had a laptop that worked.
I sent my laptop in for repair, and I'm on my back-up laptop.
Now I remember why I quit using this one.
Hope they hurry with the despair, I mean the repair.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Have fun with HQ trivia, soot. 
Hope you get your computer back soon! Soot enjoy your HQ Trivia! 
Venus hope you Wednesday is not to bad a work day. 
Wishing you all a Happy Day! 
Happy Valentines Day 
Lunch and Netflix with a friend. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Bacon in the NC. 
