Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip & Surf Sunday - 03/04/18 02:59 AM
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
~Steven Wright~
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
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In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.
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An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
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One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
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Math Teacher: "If I have 6 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
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Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?"
Son: "I don't have it."
Dad: "Why?"
Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."
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Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"
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A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
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A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"
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Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Had a gorgeous Spring day down here in Okie Padokie.
I got up and had breakfast, and then struck out for the sod farm.
I took Missy of course. She enjoyed the ride, and when we got there had a great time just running around exploring.
We walked around for an hour and a half and found nothing. Then went back to the pits in the back corner and I started digging around. The ground was real soft after all the rain.
I finally dug up a nice point, and was wore out and ready to come home by 12:30.
I found another point that was unfinished, so it was those two, but I came back a very happy man.
Tomorrow I'll see if I can make it to the creek.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Steven Wright~
```````````````
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
```````
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
```````
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
``````
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.
``````````
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
```````
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
````````````
Math Teacher: "If I have 6 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
`````````
Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?"
Son: "I don't have it."
Dad: "Why?"
Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."
```````````
Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"
`````````
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
``````````
A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"
``````````
Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.
``````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Had a gorgeous Spring day down here in Okie Padokie.
I got up and had breakfast, and then struck out for the sod farm.
I took Missy of course. She enjoyed the ride, and when we got there had a great time just running around exploring.
We walked around for an hour and a half and found nothing. Then went back to the pits in the back corner and I started digging around. The ground was real soft after all the rain.
I finally dug up a nice point, and was wore out and ready to come home by 12:30.
I found another point that was unfinished, so it was those two, but I came back a very happy man.
Tomorrow I'll see if I can make it to the creek.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Have fun!
