Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 03/13/18 01:27 AM
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
~Oscar Wilde~
`````````````
Clever Quips
Whenever four New Yorkers get into a cab together with no arguing, a bank has just been robbed.
```````
Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation.
````````
Yes, the early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
`````````
Hard work pays off in the future. Lolling on the couch pays off right now.
`````````
Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.
``````````
Sometimes it’s time to lay on the couch and do nothing at all for two years.
`````````
If the grass is greener on the other side, fair bet is, the water bill is higher too.
`````````
The last thing I want to do is to hurt you.
But we’ll get there eventually, once I’ve gone through the entire list.
````````
Of course you’re not stupid.
You just have bad luck when you think.
`````````
If you want to keep a true perspective of your own importance, get a dog that will worship you and a cat that will scorn you.
``````````
My middle finger salutes you!
`````````
I’ll be there to catch you whenever you fall.
Love, the floor.
```````````
A bag of money can be a symbol not only of wealth, but also of tremendous inflation.
`````````
The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you’re trying to find your smartphone.
````````````
When you’re calling a woman, you need to call her twice.
First time to give her a chance to find the phone in her handbag, the second time for her to actually answer.
`````````
Help a woman when she’s in trouble. She will remember you when she’s in trouble again.
``````````
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
````````````
My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.
``````````````
Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.
``````````
He who laughs last is a bit of a slow thinker. Why does no one want to say it?
``````````
Some people's x-rays actually look much better than their photographs.
````````````
Television is a medium – anything well done is rare.
``````````
Of course I can keep secrets.
But the people I tell them to obviously can't.
``````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
Ok wishful thinking, but then it's not like my week days are a grind.
Weekends still bring a certain layed back state of mind.
In other words, if I don't accomplish much on a week day, I get down on myself, but if I don't do anything on the weekends.......who cares?.....and don't say you do.
I don't care if you care.
So, today I didn't do much but lay around.
I'm kidding. I did anything but lay around. I'm a kidder.
Ok I'm done musing.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Oscar Wilde~
`````````````
Clever Quips
Whenever four New Yorkers get into a cab together with no arguing, a bank has just been robbed.
```````
Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation.
````````
Yes, the early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
`````````
Hard work pays off in the future. Lolling on the couch pays off right now.
`````````
Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.
``````````
Sometimes it’s time to lay on the couch and do nothing at all for two years.
`````````
If the grass is greener on the other side, fair bet is, the water bill is higher too.
`````````
The last thing I want to do is to hurt you.
But we’ll get there eventually, once I’ve gone through the entire list.
````````
Of course you’re not stupid.
You just have bad luck when you think.
`````````
If you want to keep a true perspective of your own importance, get a dog that will worship you and a cat that will scorn you.
``````````
My middle finger salutes you!
`````````
I’ll be there to catch you whenever you fall.
Love, the floor.
```````````
A bag of money can be a symbol not only of wealth, but also of tremendous inflation.
`````````
The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you’re trying to find your smartphone.
````````````
When you’re calling a woman, you need to call her twice.
First time to give her a chance to find the phone in her handbag, the second time for her to actually answer.
`````````
Help a woman when she’s in trouble. She will remember you when she’s in trouble again.
``````````
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
````````````
My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.
``````````````
Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.
``````````
He who laughs last is a bit of a slow thinker. Why does no one want to say it?
``````````
Some people's x-rays actually look much better than their photographs.
````````````
Television is a medium – anything well done is rare.
``````````
Of course I can keep secrets.
But the people I tell them to obviously can't.
``````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
Ok wishful thinking, but then it's not like my week days are a grind.
Weekends still bring a certain layed back state of mind.
In other words, if I don't accomplish much on a week day, I get down on myself, but if I don't do anything on the weekends.......who cares?.....and don't say you do.
I don't care if you care.
So, today I didn't do much but lay around.
I'm kidding. I did anything but lay around. I'm a kidder.
Ok I'm done musing.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Sure, I'll be your scheduler if you're hiring. 
