Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Thump Day - 04/19/18 02:39 AM
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
~Dave Barry~
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A woman starts chatting to a man on a subway: "Hello my name is Margaret."
-
The man replies: "Mine not."
`````````
What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?
-
A Golden Receiver.
```````
Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.
```````
It’s always scary when a computer turns into a zombie. It has many mega-bites.
```````
What would happen if you threw blue sneakers into the Red Sea?
-
They would get wet.
```````
I never knew eggs were good for the eyes, but my cousin claims they gave him eggcelent vision.
````````
What would you call a very funny mountain?
-
Hill Arious"
``````
Question: What is green and has big, sturdy wheels?
-
Answer: The grass. The wheels were a lie.
```````
What do you get when you crossbreed a mail pigeon and a parrot?
A mail pigeon who stops to ask for directions.
```````
Why do we consider chickens as friendly animals?
-
Because they lay their eggs instead of throwing them.
``````
What tea can vary in taste from bitter to sweet?
-
Realitea.
```````
You’ll never believe whom I saw yesterday! Everybody I laid my eyes on!
`````````
Two grains of sand go through the desert. One to the other: "I have the feeling somebody is watching me."
```````
Oh, they were laughing when I told them I’m becoming a stand-up comedian. Well, ha! They’re not laughing now!
`````````
What would Bears become without Bees?
-
Just ears.
``````
If I were to choose between dating and eating a soup – I think I’d rather eat the soup. Not much point in dating it.
```````
Do you know what were my grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think I can kick this bucket here?
``````
A horse goes into a bar.
-
Barkeeper: "Why such a long face?"
```````
Good morning everyboomie.
This week is starting to wind down.
I just wish the wind would wind down around here.
I'm sitting here with two little Chihuahuas watching them booth sleeping. The seem so peaceful now that the sun has retired for the evening, and they can no longer look out the window and bark at everything that moves.
Shhhhh! Don't wake them.
I have to stick around the house today waiting for UPS to deliver a set of leather seat covers for my truck.
I'm so excited. These are the same ones you would get if you ordered a truck or car with leather seats. All I have to do now is find someone to install them. I don't think I want to tackle it. I watched a video of someone doing it, and I don't think arthritic, crampy hands can handle the job.
Getting old stinks and I don't like it!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Dave Barry~
````````````
A woman starts chatting to a man on a subway: "Hello my name is Margaret."
-
The man replies: "Mine not."
`````````
What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?
-
A Golden Receiver.
```````
Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.
```````
It’s always scary when a computer turns into a zombie. It has many mega-bites.
```````
What would happen if you threw blue sneakers into the Red Sea?
-
They would get wet.
```````
I never knew eggs were good for the eyes, but my cousin claims they gave him eggcelent vision.
````````
What would you call a very funny mountain?
-
Hill Arious"
``````
Question: What is green and has big, sturdy wheels?
-
Answer: The grass. The wheels were a lie.
```````
What do you get when you crossbreed a mail pigeon and a parrot?
A mail pigeon who stops to ask for directions.
```````
Why do we consider chickens as friendly animals?
-
Because they lay their eggs instead of throwing them.
``````
What tea can vary in taste from bitter to sweet?
-
Realitea.
```````
You’ll never believe whom I saw yesterday! Everybody I laid my eyes on!
`````````
Two grains of sand go through the desert. One to the other: "I have the feeling somebody is watching me."
```````
Oh, they were laughing when I told them I’m becoming a stand-up comedian. Well, ha! They’re not laughing now!
`````````
What would Bears become without Bees?
-
Just ears.
``````
If I were to choose between dating and eating a soup – I think I’d rather eat the soup. Not much point in dating it.
```````
Do you know what were my grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think I can kick this bucket here?
``````
A horse goes into a bar.
-
Barkeeper: "Why such a long face?"
```````
Good morning everyboomie.
This week is starting to wind down.
I just wish the wind would wind down around here.
I'm sitting here with two little Chihuahuas watching them booth sleeping. The seem so peaceful now that the sun has retired for the evening, and they can no longer look out the window and bark at everything that moves.
Shhhhh! Don't wake them.
I have to stick around the house today waiting for UPS to deliver a set of leather seat covers for my truck.
I'm so excited. These are the same ones you would get if you ordered a truck or car with leather seats. All I have to do now is find someone to install them. I don't think I want to tackle it. I watched a video of someone doing it, and I don't think arthritic, crampy hands can handle the job.
Getting old stinks and I don't like it!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
