Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 05/30/18 02:24 AM
When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
-
~George Burns~
``````````````
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
That explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
``````
What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?
I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.
``````````
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"No? You took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
``````
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
`````
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “How in the world does he feed himself with that thing?”
````````
I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.
`````
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
```````
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
``````
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
``````
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
``````
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope everyone is doing good. I just finished 2 hours of weed eating and lawn mowing in 90 degrees plus.
Even after my shower I'm feeling greatly diminished.
Maybe I'll sleep good tonight.
Wishing everyone a super Hump Day.
joe
-
~George Burns~
``````````````
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
That explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
``````
What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?
I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.
``````````
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"No? You took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
``````
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
`````
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “How in the world does he feed himself with that thing?”
````````
I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.
`````
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
```````
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
``````
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
``````
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
``````
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope everyone is doing good. I just finished 2 hours of weed eating and lawn mowing in 90 degrees plus.
Even after my shower I'm feeling greatly diminished.
Maybe I'll sleep good tonight.
Wishing everyone a super Hump Day.
joe
