Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 07/18/18 02:46 AM
Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.
~Winston Churchill~
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On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”
`````
My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him:
• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.
• I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free.
• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.
``````
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
```````
After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”
`````
When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s dancing.”
My father, seeing where this was heading, said, “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.”
“And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out of town.”
“Two thousand.”
“We’ll need a photographer. Oh, and what colors do you want for the reception?”
“Five thousand!”
We eloped to Spain.
``````
My young son declared, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.”
“You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister.
“Then I’ll marry you.”
“You can’t marry me either.”
He looked confused, so I explained, “You can’t marry someone in your own family.”
“You mean I have to marry a total stranger?!” he cried.
``````
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
``````
My client buys many rental properties, not always with the enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered.
“Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.”
``````
Realistic Romantic Comedies
• When Harry Met Sally and Discovered She Looks Nothing Like Her eHarmony Photos
• Love Handles, Actually
• Runaway Bridal Expenses
```````
My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's over the hump day. This week is zipping by.
Today we hit 101. That'll be the coolest day this week.
We don't get back down into the 90s until next Wednesday. Fun fun fun.
I hope it's cool where you are.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Winston Churchill~
```````````````````
On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”
`````
My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him:
• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.
• I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free.
• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.
``````
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
```````
After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”
`````
When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s dancing.”
My father, seeing where this was heading, said, “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.”
“And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out of town.”
“Two thousand.”
“We’ll need a photographer. Oh, and what colors do you want for the reception?”
“Five thousand!”
We eloped to Spain.
``````
My young son declared, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.”
“You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister.
“Then I’ll marry you.”
“You can’t marry me either.”
He looked confused, so I explained, “You can’t marry someone in your own family.”
“You mean I have to marry a total stranger?!” he cried.
``````
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
``````
My client buys many rental properties, not always with the enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered.
“Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.”
``````
Realistic Romantic Comedies
• When Harry Met Sally and Discovered She Looks Nothing Like Her eHarmony Photos
• Love Handles, Actually
• Runaway Bridal Expenses
```````
My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's over the hump day. This week is zipping by.
Today we hit 101. That'll be the coolest day this week.
We don't get back down into the 90s until next Wednesday. Fun fun fun.
I hope it's cool where you are.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe