Posted By: gymcandy1
Saturdiner - 08/11/18 12:17 AM
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
~Benjamin Franklin~
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Q. Why was the belt sent to jail?
A. For holding up a pair of pants!
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I went to see the Liberty Bell recently. I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal about it. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
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-Do you think glass coffins will be a success?
-Remains to be seen.
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I’m trying to get into classical music, but I can’t find any original recordings. All the music is performed by cover bands.
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Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
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These words are so joining our vocabulary in 2016!
Chairdrobe (n.): piling clothes on a chair in place of a closet or dresser.
Epiphanot (n.): an idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver but is in fact pointless, mundane, stupid, or incorrect.
Internest (n.): the cocoon of blankets and pillows you gather around yourself while spending long periods of time on the Internet.
Textpectation (n.): the anticipation felt when waiting for a response to a text.
Unkeyboardinated (adj.): when you’re unable to type without repeatedly making mistakes.
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Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
`````
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before replying, “Give me six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
``````
I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
`````
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist.
`````
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.
``````
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.
```````
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
```````
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
``````
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A: A mechanic.
```````
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
``````
A crafty young bard named McMahon,
Whose poetry never would scan,
Once said, with a pause,
“It’s probably because
I’m always trying to cram as many extra syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”
````````
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
I hope your's is chock full of fun......and other interesting....stuff.
I enjoyed the game last night until I could no longer hold my eyes open. I watched all but the last 10 or 15 minutes.
When I dozed off the Cowboys were ahead 21 to 10. When I woke up someone had changed the score to 24 to 21, San Francisco wins.
Well it was only a pre-season game. That means it's ok if your team looses. NOT!!
Time to walk the dogs.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Benjamin Franklin~
```````````````````
Q. Why was the belt sent to jail?
A. For holding up a pair of pants!
```````
I went to see the Liberty Bell recently. I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal about it. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
``````
-Do you think glass coffins will be a success?
-Remains to be seen.
``````
I’m trying to get into classical music, but I can’t find any original recordings. All the music is performed by cover bands.
```````
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
``````
These words are so joining our vocabulary in 2016!
Chairdrobe (n.): piling clothes on a chair in place of a closet or dresser.
Epiphanot (n.): an idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver but is in fact pointless, mundane, stupid, or incorrect.
Internest (n.): the cocoon of blankets and pillows you gather around yourself while spending long periods of time on the Internet.
Textpectation (n.): the anticipation felt when waiting for a response to a text.
Unkeyboardinated (adj.): when you’re unable to type without repeatedly making mistakes.
```````
Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
`````
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before replying, “Give me six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
``````
I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
`````
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist.
`````
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.
``````
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.
```````
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
```````
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
``````
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A: A mechanic.
```````
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
``````
A crafty young bard named McMahon,
Whose poetry never would scan,
Once said, with a pause,
“It’s probably because
I’m always trying to cram as many extra syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”
````````
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
I hope your's is chock full of fun......and other interesting....stuff.
I enjoyed the game last night until I could no longer hold my eyes open. I watched all but the last 10 or 15 minutes.
When I dozed off the Cowboys were ahead 21 to 10. When I woke up someone had changed the score to 24 to 21, San Francisco wins.
Well it was only a pre-season game. That means it's ok if your team looses. NOT!!
Time to walk the dogs.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
At this rate, it will take another 80 years to get up to 1000. Maybe I should post more often. 
Hope the dog walk helped you feel better. 
You should definitely post more often. 
Venus wishing you a great voice lesson. 
Ana hope you have a relaxing day. 
Happy Day to you all! 
