Posted By: gymcandy1
Rooten Tooten Monday - 08/19/18 11:50 PM
If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.
~Pat Riley~
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We have a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's a pop quiz.
`````````
Q: What are a blonde's first words after graduating college?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
``````
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, four minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
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Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in math class?
A: It improves di-vision.
``````
Chintu: "You never study, so how come you don't fail your math tests?"
Pintu: "Because whenever there is a math test, I don't go to school!"
``````
Teacher: "What is the present tense for the sentence 'I killed someone'?"
Student: "The present tense would be 'I am in prison.'"
``````
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
``````
A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''
``````
Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
``````
The teacher was teaching in animal lesson.
Teacher: What does a pig do?
Student: it rolls around in mud.
Teacher: Good! What does a cow do?
Student: It makes milk!
Teacher: Great! Now, what does a crazy old monkey give you?
Student: Homework!
```````
Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A: A blood test.
```````
Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said, "My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just beautiful!'"
`````````
How do you get a Florida State graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
````````
Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"
``````
Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”
``````
Teacher: can you see god
student: no
teacher: can you feel god
student no
teacher: can you smell god
student: no
teacher so god isn't real
*hand goes up*
Student" can you see your brain
teacher no
student can you feel your brain
teacher no
student: can you smell your brain
teacher: no
student: so you have no brain
```````
A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.
So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.
He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Hell yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "NANANANANANA, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Hell yeah!"
So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said " NANANANANANA, BATMAN!"
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hey if you didn't enjoy those jokes, you're not a kid anymore, huh?
I shore am glad the weekend is over.
That's a nuther joke.
Ah well these days all look the same anymore.
I took Missy walking this morning, and then came home and mowed the lawn while it was cloudy, breezy, and cooler.
That left me quite a bit of time to ignore anything else that I needed to do.
That was actually on my to do list. It said, 1. walk the dog, 2. mow the lawn, 3. Ignore any other urges you have to be productive.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Pat Riley~
```````````
We have a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's a pop quiz.
`````````
Q: What are a blonde's first words after graduating college?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
``````
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, four minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
`````
Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in math class?
A: It improves di-vision.
``````
Chintu: "You never study, so how come you don't fail your math tests?"
Pintu: "Because whenever there is a math test, I don't go to school!"
``````
Teacher: "What is the present tense for the sentence 'I killed someone'?"
Student: "The present tense would be 'I am in prison.'"
``````
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
``````
A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''
``````
Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
``````
The teacher was teaching in animal lesson.
Teacher: What does a pig do?
Student: it rolls around in mud.
Teacher: Good! What does a cow do?
Student: It makes milk!
Teacher: Great! Now, what does a crazy old monkey give you?
Student: Homework!
```````
Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A: A blood test.
```````
Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said, "My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just beautiful!'"
`````````
How do you get a Florida State graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
````````
Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"
``````
Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”
``````
Teacher: can you see god
student: no
teacher: can you feel god
student no
teacher: can you smell god
student: no
teacher so god isn't real
*hand goes up*
Student" can you see your brain
teacher no
student can you feel your brain
teacher no
student: can you smell your brain
teacher: no
student: so you have no brain
```````
A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.
So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.
He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Hell yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "NANANANANANA, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Hell yeah!"
So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said " NANANANANANA, BATMAN!"
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hey if you didn't enjoy those jokes, you're not a kid anymore, huh?
I shore am glad the weekend is over.
That's a nuther joke.
Ah well these days all look the same anymore.
I took Missy walking this morning, and then came home and mowed the lawn while it was cloudy, breezy, and cooler.
That left me quite a bit of time to ignore anything else that I needed to do.
That was actually on my to do list. It said, 1. walk the dog, 2. mow the lawn, 3. Ignore any other urges you have to be productive.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Joe! Glad you got your mowing over with it! Did your Cowboys win? 
Joe on getting your lawn mowed...I didn't get the chance with all the rain this weekend (didn't break my heart either)
sounds like you could do with another day off/hopefully you'll get one soon 
, Joe 
funny jokes again thxs - great you got the mowing done 
hope work goes well, Kaki's sister 
happy coffee/tea time, Connie hope Bingo is fun and meeting goes well and Venus hope you have nice dreams 
good on you - 
too your daughter and have fun relaxing day.