Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 09/11/18 12:27 AM
Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.
~Thich Nhat Hanh~
`````````````````
What is the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snowballs!!
`````
Whats the difference between a girls argument and a knife ?
a knife has a point.
``````
A woman had 20 children. 10 girls 10 boys, all of their names were leroy. Boys spelt Leroy girls spelt Leroigh. She met a man one day and told him how many children she had and what their names were. " why did you name all of your children Leroy/Leroigh?" The man asked. "It's easy to call them all together. For example Leroy/Leroigh time for bed, time for supper." The woman laughed. The man asked "how do you call them if you only need one of the children?" The woman cackled "by their last names of course!"
``````
While on a date a women goes to the bathroom
Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room
Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!
Man: It's not a big deal.
Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.
Man: ...............
``````
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing?
```````
Husband’s call to his wife:
"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot."
Wife’s Response:
"Who the hell is Paula?"
````````
These 5 girls are going to the prom. Girl 1 says my boyfriend has brown hair so I will wear a brown dress. Girl 2 says my boyfriend has blonde hair so I will wear a blonde dress. Girl 3 says my boyfriend has ginger hair so I will wear a ginger dress. Girl 4 says my boyfriend has multi-coloured hair so I will wear a multi-coloured dress. The last girl says my boy friend has no hair so.......
``````
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
```````
A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."
``````
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
```````
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
`````
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
```````
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
`````
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
```````
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
`````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hey this is Tuesday right? I'm pretty sure Tuesday comes after Yesterday.
This is our best week here in ages. We are staying in the 80's until Friday, which is supposed to be 90. Not bad at all.
The mornings though are in the 60s.
Ooooo, Ahhhhh!
This morning almost felt chilly.
I mowed the lawn this afternoon. With the rain we've had it was getting pretty shaggy, so I gave it a crew cut.
We have a visitor for a couple of days. Beau is here.
Missy and I are in dog heaven.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Thich Nhat Hanh~
`````````````````
What is the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snowballs!!
`````
Whats the difference between a girls argument and a knife ?
a knife has a point.
``````
A woman had 20 children. 10 girls 10 boys, all of their names were leroy. Boys spelt Leroy girls spelt Leroigh. She met a man one day and told him how many children she had and what their names were. " why did you name all of your children Leroy/Leroigh?" The man asked. "It's easy to call them all together. For example Leroy/Leroigh time for bed, time for supper." The woman laughed. The man asked "how do you call them if you only need one of the children?" The woman cackled "by their last names of course!"
``````
While on a date a women goes to the bathroom
Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room
Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!
Man: It's not a big deal.
Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.
Man: ...............
``````
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing?
```````
Husband’s call to his wife:
"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot."
Wife’s Response:
"Who the hell is Paula?"
````````
These 5 girls are going to the prom. Girl 1 says my boyfriend has brown hair so I will wear a brown dress. Girl 2 says my boyfriend has blonde hair so I will wear a blonde dress. Girl 3 says my boyfriend has ginger hair so I will wear a ginger dress. Girl 4 says my boyfriend has multi-coloured hair so I will wear a multi-coloured dress. The last girl says my boy friend has no hair so.......
``````
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
```````
A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."
``````
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
```````
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
`````
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
```````
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
`````
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
```````
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
`````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hey this is Tuesday right? I'm pretty sure Tuesday comes after Yesterday.
This is our best week here in ages. We are staying in the 80's until Friday, which is supposed to be 90. Not bad at all.
The mornings though are in the 60s.
Ooooo, Ahhhhh! This morning almost felt chilly.
I mowed the lawn this afternoon. With the rain we've had it was getting pretty shaggy, so I gave it a crew cut.
We have a visitor for a couple of days. Beau is here.
Missy and I are in dog heaven.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Gerry! Cake in the corner! 
