Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Thump Day - 10/25/18 12:30 AM
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
-
~Bob Thaves~
````````````
Best Redneck Jokes | Part 5
``````````````````````````````
Yeah, it’s all fun about the rednecks – until the zombie apocalypse. Then you need them.
WRONG!! Zombies are only interested in brains.
````
Q: How did the redneck die from drinking milk? A: The cow lay down.
````
Redneck: I like to eat my tacos over a tortilla. When stuff falls out, BOOM, I have a burrito.
````
How many rednecks does it take eat a possum? Two. One to eat, the other one to watch out for cars.
````
Q: What does a bottle of beer and a redneck have in common?
A: Nothing in there from the neck up.
````
Q: What do you have when you get 28 rednecks in one trailer?
A: A complete set of teeth.
````
Want to get a redneck in a fit of rage?
Say you’ve lost all his meth.
````
Redneck’s famous last words?
“You hold mah beer and watch this!”
````
Q: Why are redneck murders the toughest to crack?
A: Highly matching DNA in all suspects and no dental records.
````
Top 100 Fun Facts
Best first: 'Butt' is actually a British measuring unit equivalent to 125 US gallons or 105 imperial gallons.
2.
The struggle is real for the ferret – if a female ferret in heat doesn’t find a mate, she can die.
3.
A sloth takes 2 weeks to digest the food he’s eaten.
4.
In the USA, there are more Chinese restaurants than all the McDonald’s, KFCs, Burger Kings and Wendy’s put together.
5.
If you kept yelling for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would produce enough sound energy to heat up a cup of tea.
6.
There are approximately 100,000 hairs on an average human head.
7.
At any given moment, about 0.7% of the people in the world are drunk.
8.
In 2001, a seven foot bull shark bit off a boy’s arm. His uncle not only saved the boy, but dived in after the shark, wrestled it to shore where the shark was shot, retrieved the boy’s arm and it was sewn back on in the hospital.
9.
When you say “a million seconds”, it means 11 and a half days. “A billion seconds” would be over 31 years.
10.
There are more English speakers in China than in the United States.
11.
It takes an average person 7 minutes to fall asleep.
12.
When you talk, you spray around 2.5 microscopic saliva droplets per word.
13.
Rats cannot vomit, and neither can horses.
14.
Every year, 11,000 injuries are reported in America as a result of sexual experimentation.
15.
620 million years ago, an Earth day was only 21.9 hours long. It is extending a little every year.
16.
A 12-year-old girl from Ethiopia was kidnapped by four men on her way from school. A week later the whole group was accosted by three lions who chased the men away and stayed with the girl without harming her, only leaving when the police arrived, looking for her.
17.
A now teenage boy called Ben Underwood lost his sight to cancer when he was 3 years old. He learned to use echolocation (orientation in space by sound that e.g. bats use) in order to sense his surroundings. Today he can play table soccer, basketball, he does karate, roller blades, enjoys pillow fights and much more.
18.
Our ears and our nose never stop growing.
19.
In 1994, a man was arrested because he was dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stood and stared into the windows of a home for the elderly.
20.
Bulgarians nod when they want to say NO and shake their heads when they want to say YES.
````
Good moring everyboomie.
I woke up this morning, and I could feel my toes wiggling, and then I pinched myself and I felt that too. I knew right then and there that I was still alive. WHOOPEEEEEE!
The only thing to put a damper on that, is that is was overcast and rainy.....AND that my back is in a pinch since yesterday, when I was getting down on the floor to do some exercises.
Ouch! No more ROFLing for a while.
I've been LOTC (laying on the couch} all day with two disappointed puppies.
Well it's time they learned that life is full of disappointment.
In a couple of days I'll be as good as new.....as much as a 66 year kid can get.
I'm really looking forward to being able to get up and fix something to eat again.
Have a happy one everyone.
joe
-
~Bob Thaves~
````````````
Best Redneck Jokes | Part 5
``````````````````````````````
Yeah, it’s all fun about the rednecks – until the zombie apocalypse. Then you need them.
WRONG!! Zombies are only interested in brains.
````
Q: How did the redneck die from drinking milk? A: The cow lay down.
````
Redneck: I like to eat my tacos over a tortilla. When stuff falls out, BOOM, I have a burrito.
````
How many rednecks does it take eat a possum? Two. One to eat, the other one to watch out for cars.
````
Q: What does a bottle of beer and a redneck have in common?
A: Nothing in there from the neck up.
````
Q: What do you have when you get 28 rednecks in one trailer?
A: A complete set of teeth.
````
Want to get a redneck in a fit of rage?
Say you’ve lost all his meth.
````
Redneck’s famous last words?
“You hold mah beer and watch this!”
````
Q: Why are redneck murders the toughest to crack?
A: Highly matching DNA in all suspects and no dental records.
````
Top 100 Fun Facts
Best first: 'Butt' is actually a British measuring unit equivalent to 125 US gallons or 105 imperial gallons.
2.
The struggle is real for the ferret – if a female ferret in heat doesn’t find a mate, she can die.
3.
A sloth takes 2 weeks to digest the food he’s eaten.
4.
In the USA, there are more Chinese restaurants than all the McDonald’s, KFCs, Burger Kings and Wendy’s put together.
5.
If you kept yelling for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would produce enough sound energy to heat up a cup of tea.
6.
There are approximately 100,000 hairs on an average human head.
7.
At any given moment, about 0.7% of the people in the world are drunk.
8.
In 2001, a seven foot bull shark bit off a boy’s arm. His uncle not only saved the boy, but dived in after the shark, wrestled it to shore where the shark was shot, retrieved the boy’s arm and it was sewn back on in the hospital.
9.
When you say “a million seconds”, it means 11 and a half days. “A billion seconds” would be over 31 years.
10.
There are more English speakers in China than in the United States.
11.
It takes an average person 7 minutes to fall asleep.
12.
When you talk, you spray around 2.5 microscopic saliva droplets per word.
13.
Rats cannot vomit, and neither can horses.
14.
Every year, 11,000 injuries are reported in America as a result of sexual experimentation.
15.
620 million years ago, an Earth day was only 21.9 hours long. It is extending a little every year.
16.
A 12-year-old girl from Ethiopia was kidnapped by four men on her way from school. A week later the whole group was accosted by three lions who chased the men away and stayed with the girl without harming her, only leaving when the police arrived, looking for her.
17.
A now teenage boy called Ben Underwood lost his sight to cancer when he was 3 years old. He learned to use echolocation (orientation in space by sound that e.g. bats use) in order to sense his surroundings. Today he can play table soccer, basketball, he does karate, roller blades, enjoys pillow fights and much more.
18.
Our ears and our nose never stop growing.
19.
In 1994, a man was arrested because he was dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stood and stared into the windows of a home for the elderly.
20.
Bulgarians nod when they want to say NO and shake their heads when they want to say YES.
````
Good moring everyboomie.
I woke up this morning, and I could feel my toes wiggling, and then I pinched myself and I felt that too. I knew right then and there that I was still alive. WHOOPEEEEEE!
The only thing to put a damper on that, is that is was overcast and rainy.....AND that my back is in a pinch since yesterday, when I was getting down on the floor to do some exercises.
Ouch! No more ROFLing for a while.
I've been LOTC (laying on the couch} all day with two disappointed puppies.
Well it's time they learned that life is full of disappointment.
In a couple of days I'll be as good as new.....as much as a 66 year kid can get.
I'm really looking forward to being able to get up and fix something to eat again.
Have a happy one everyone.
joe
good laughs 
keep smiling and enjoy your muffins... 
: and Venus have a wonderful sleep 
.. 
Hope everyone has a Great Day! 
and Connie 
hope you both a lovely day and fantastic upcoming weekend. 
