Posted By: gymcandy1
Surf and Turf Saturdiner - 11/03/18 01:24 AM
Do you think you’re safe in a car with your seatbelts on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she’s pregnant.
~Anke Engelke~
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Lame One Liners | Part 3
I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me.
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One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet
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That embarassing moment when you slip in the shower and tried to stead yourself by grabbing on the water stream.
````
I got flashed at the freeway yesterday.
-
At first I thought I’d just had an idea.
````
Do you want to hear a truly delicious tofu recipe?
1) Chuck the tofu.
2) Fry a juicy steak.
````
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
````
Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
[NO]
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Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
````
Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.
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I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s a babysitter. Anybody know where I can get a child real quick?
````
A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”
Mother frowns, “So you came here?”
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“Why do you look so sad?”
-
“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”
````
Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!
````
I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.
````
You really are the most jealous woman I know.
-
Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!
````
My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of my way much faster.
````
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
````
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
````
What is agony?
-
You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch.
````
Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!
````
It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
````
Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.
````
Why won’t Mexicans be sad long about Trump’s wall? They'll get over it.
````
I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I hope you all have great plans, and great weather to do it in.
I'm not sure I have any plans for the weekend.
Yes....yes I am......I'm sure I have no plans for the weekend.
Hopefully I'll be able to take the pups out walking a bunch of times.
I found a couple of more points Friday at the sod farm, so I'm a happy camper now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Anke Engelke~
``````````````
Lame One Liners | Part 3
I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me.
````
One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet
````
That embarassing moment when you slip in the shower and tried to stead yourself by grabbing on the water stream.
````
I got flashed at the freeway yesterday.
-
At first I thought I’d just had an idea.
````
Do you want to hear a truly delicious tofu recipe?
1) Chuck the tofu.
2) Fry a juicy steak.
````
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
````
Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
[NO]
````
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
````
Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.
````
I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s a babysitter. Anybody know where I can get a child real quick?
````
A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”
Mother frowns, “So you came here?”
````
“Why do you look so sad?”
-
“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”
````
Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!
````
I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.
````
You really are the most jealous woman I know.
-
Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!
````
My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of my way much faster.
````
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
````
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
````
What is agony?
-
You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch.
````
Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!
````
It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
````
Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.
````
Why won’t Mexicans be sad long about Trump’s wall? They'll get over it.
````
I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I hope you all have great plans, and great weather to do it in.
I'm not sure I have any plans for the weekend.
Yes....yes I am......I'm sure I have no plans for the weekend.
Hopefully I'll be able to take the pups out walking a bunch of times.
I found a couple of more points Friday at the sod farm, so I'm a happy camper now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
hope you have a wonderful time walking the puppies 
and grats about the sod farm 
and hope you have a fun day too.
good luck making it to Starved Rock 
enjoy yourself, family 
have a nice evening take care all. 