Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 11/06/18 01:37 AM
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
~Bob Thaves~
````````````
Husband and Wife Jokes
Best first: Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.
````
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
````
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
````
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
````
My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after we eat.
````
Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?
-
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.
````
My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.
````
My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently that was not what she meant.
````
What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.
````
I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday
Nearly on Tuesday
Nearly on Wednesday
Nearly on Thursday
Nearly on Friday
Nearly on Saturday
Nearly on Sunday
````
I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.
-
But she figured out I was only after my money.
````
I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital.
“Oh my Lord, how is she?!” I asked.
“I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse.
“What the heck is she complaining about now?!”
````
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
````
Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
```
A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”
-
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
-
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
-
“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”
````
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
````
It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring. I guess if it continues, I’ll have to let him in.
````
A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
````
An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I use your toothbrush.”
````
Good morning everyboomie.
I've been praying for a blinding blizzard to hit the area today, but I can see that my prayers are not going to be answered.
I guess I'm gonna have to go vote after all.
I'm planning on maybe going to the sod farm either before or after I vote. Playing it by ear.
Monday was an awesome day, especially after the winds died down. Got up in the 70s, and I took Missy out about 4 or 5 times, just to enjoy the day.
I also mowed the lawn. Now THAT is absolutely the last time this year!! I mean it!
I hope you all have a great day with lots of sunshine, so you can get out and do your civic duty.
Have a happy day everyone.
Rock the vote.
joe
~Bob Thaves~
````````````
Husband and Wife Jokes
Best first: Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.
````
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
````
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
````
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
````
My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after we eat.
````
Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?
-
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.
````
My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.
````
My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently that was not what she meant.
````
What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.
````
I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday
Nearly on Tuesday
Nearly on Wednesday
Nearly on Thursday
Nearly on Friday
Nearly on Saturday
Nearly on Sunday
````
I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.
-
But she figured out I was only after my money.
````
I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital.
“Oh my Lord, how is she?!” I asked.
“I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse.
“What the heck is she complaining about now?!”
````
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
````
Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
```
A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”
-
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
-
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
-
“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”
````
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
````
It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring. I guess if it continues, I’ll have to let him in.
````
A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
````
An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I use your toothbrush.”
````
Good morning everyboomie.
I've been praying for a blinding blizzard to hit the area today, but I can see that my prayers are not going to be answered.
I guess I'm gonna have to go vote after all.
I'm planning on maybe going to the sod farm either before or after I vote. Playing it by ear.
Monday was an awesome day, especially after the winds died down. Got up in the 70s, and I took Missy out about 4 or 5 times, just to enjoy the day.
I also mowed the lawn. Now THAT is absolutely the last time this year!! I mean it!
I hope you all have a great day with lots of sunshine, so you can get out and do your civic duty.
Have a happy day everyone.
Rock the vote.joe
back soot and L4L!
, Ana 
,Venus 
,family 
- have a terrific Tuesday everyone.. 
