Posted By: gymcandy1
It's a Turkey of a Diner - 11/22/18 01:17 AM
Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.
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~George Burns~
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Hilarious Clean Jokes | Part 5
Best first:
Without water, there’d be no life on Earth because without water, there could be no coffee.
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Two clairvoyants meet. One says to the other: “You are fine, and how am I?
````
Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”
“Oh no, how long have you been friends?”
“Since two days ago.”
````
What did the toilet roll complain about?
"People just keep ripping me off!"
````
What did one wall say to the other wall?
-
We’ll meet at the corner.
````
What to do when somebody is trying to start an argument with you? Simply eat a few cookies. They taste very nice and you can’t hear anything over the crunching.
````
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand calories per day!”
Patient: “Before or after meals?”
````
What goes through every village, over mountains, crosses rivers and deserts and yet never moves?
-
A road.
````
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
````
What a difference a good shower makes!
I was irritable, exhausted and I felt like hell.
Now I’m irritable, exhausted, I feel like hell and I smell of grapefruit!
````
“What's the name of your new dog?”
“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”
````
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door and asks: “And, is he asleep?”
Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
````
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
````
What should you do when you see a spaceman?
You just park in it, man.
````
Happy Thanksgiving Everyboomie!!
I'm looking forward to a great day of relaxing, and watching some football.
So another normal day.
I'm also looking forward to a great turkey dinner.
I sure hope Missy can cook one.
I really hope everyone has a blessed day with your family, & if you are traveling, travel safely.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
-
~George Burns~
``````````````
Hilarious Clean Jokes | Part 5
Best first:
Without water, there’d be no life on Earth because without water, there could be no coffee.
````
Two clairvoyants meet. One says to the other: “You are fine, and how am I?
````
Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”
“Oh no, how long have you been friends?”
“Since two days ago.”
````
What did the toilet roll complain about?
"People just keep ripping me off!"
````
What did one wall say to the other wall?
-
We’ll meet at the corner.
````
What to do when somebody is trying to start an argument with you? Simply eat a few cookies. They taste very nice and you can’t hear anything over the crunching.
````
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand calories per day!”
Patient: “Before or after meals?”
````
What goes through every village, over mountains, crosses rivers and deserts and yet never moves?
-
A road.
````
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
````
What a difference a good shower makes!
I was irritable, exhausted and I felt like hell.
Now I’m irritable, exhausted, I feel like hell and I smell of grapefruit!
````
“What's the name of your new dog?”
“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”
````
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door and asks: “And, is he asleep?”
Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
````
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
````
What should you do when you see a spaceman?
You just park in it, man.
````
Happy Thanksgiving Everyboomie!!
I'm looking forward to a great day of relaxing, and watching some football.
So another normal day.
I'm also looking forward to a great turkey dinner.
I sure hope Missy can cook one.
I really hope everyone has a blessed day with your family, & if you are traveling, travel safely.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Hope you and L4L had a great dinner!
Joe...relaxation, football and Missy cooking turkey dinner sounds like Nervana to me 
