Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip and Surf Sunday Joe's - 11/25/18 01:30 AM
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
-
~Bob Monkhouse~
```````````````
Two undies meet, one says to the other, "Hey, have you been on holiday? You got so nice and brown!"
````
What would Bears become without Bees?
-
Just ears.
````
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
-
A: It just felt like it.
````
If I were to choose between dating and eating a soup – I think I’d rather eat the soup. Not much point in dating it.
````
Do you know what were my grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think I can kick this here bucket?
````
A horse goes into a bar.
-
Barkeeper: "Why such a long face?"
````
“In our traditional farm hotel, you are woken by the call of the cockerel!”
–
“Very good, please tell him 9 o’clock.”
````
How can you tell you have an elephant in your bedroom?
By the big "E" on his pajamas.
````
Why did the elephant wear green socks?
-
Because the red ones were wet.
Why did the elephant swim on his back?
-
So his green ones wouldn't get wet too.
````
What is a cannibal’s natural first choice in a restaurant?
The waiter.
````
A guy orders at a bakery, "I'd like 19 buns please."
The baker suggests, "I think you should take 20, sir."
"Why?" asks the man, puzzled.
The baker replies, "Well, you would have one more to eat of course!"
````
What is yellow and black and flies?
-
A group of mustard seeds in leather jackets!
````
What is the difference between a soccer star and a bank robber?
-
The bank robber goes, “Give me the money or I shoot!”
The soccer star goes, “Give me the money or I don’t shoot!
````
What is the difference between an eggplant and a chicken?
They're both purple, except for the chicken.
````
A man wants to do a new parachute record: The longest freefall without pulling the rip cord. So he jumps a plane at a huge altitude. His height gauge shows 30 000 feet. He keeps falling.
In a while he checks the gauge again and now it shows 15 000 feet to the ground.
A few seconds later it shows 12 000 feet. He continues falling. Now it’s only 3 000 feet left. He grips the rip cord firmly in his hand.
At 1 500 feet he is singing in a shaky voice. Only 300 feet left. He waits till the last moment.
Then it’s only 150, 120, 90, 60, 30 feet till the ground. The man shrugs: Ah well, whatever. I can handle 30 feet without a parachute.
````
What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
An investigator.
````
Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Cows are from the Moooooooooon.
````
What does a farmer say when he's looking for his tractor?
-
"Where is my tractor?"
````
Where do you take a boat when it gets sick?
To the dock.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
With some of those jokes I'm thinking what were they smoking?
They look like some that I would write.
We had an awesome day with mid 70s temps. It was very windy though. Still, we did enjoy it.
I always enjoy living and breathing.
I didn't do much, but I enjoyed it.
I'm looking forward to some football today. The Cowboys don't play until Thursday, but I know I can find some good games to watch.
I hope you all have a super day.
joe
-
~Bob Monkhouse~
```````````````
Two undies meet, one says to the other, "Hey, have you been on holiday? You got so nice and brown!"
````
What would Bears become without Bees?
-
Just ears.
````
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
-
A: It just felt like it.
````
If I were to choose between dating and eating a soup – I think I’d rather eat the soup. Not much point in dating it.
````
Do you know what were my grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think I can kick this here bucket?
````
A horse goes into a bar.
-
Barkeeper: "Why such a long face?"
````
“In our traditional farm hotel, you are woken by the call of the cockerel!”
–
“Very good, please tell him 9 o’clock.”
````
How can you tell you have an elephant in your bedroom?
By the big "E" on his pajamas.
````
Why did the elephant wear green socks?
-
Because the red ones were wet.
Why did the elephant swim on his back?
-
So his green ones wouldn't get wet too.
````
What is a cannibal’s natural first choice in a restaurant?
The waiter.
````
A guy orders at a bakery, "I'd like 19 buns please."
The baker suggests, "I think you should take 20, sir."
"Why?" asks the man, puzzled.
The baker replies, "Well, you would have one more to eat of course!"
````
What is yellow and black and flies?
-
A group of mustard seeds in leather jackets!
````
What is the difference between a soccer star and a bank robber?
-
The bank robber goes, “Give me the money or I shoot!”
The soccer star goes, “Give me the money or I don’t shoot!
````
What is the difference between an eggplant and a chicken?
They're both purple, except for the chicken.
````
A man wants to do a new parachute record: The longest freefall without pulling the rip cord. So he jumps a plane at a huge altitude. His height gauge shows 30 000 feet. He keeps falling.
In a while he checks the gauge again and now it shows 15 000 feet to the ground.
A few seconds later it shows 12 000 feet. He continues falling. Now it’s only 3 000 feet left. He grips the rip cord firmly in his hand.
At 1 500 feet he is singing in a shaky voice. Only 300 feet left. He waits till the last moment.
Then it’s only 150, 120, 90, 60, 30 feet till the ground. The man shrugs: Ah well, whatever. I can handle 30 feet without a parachute.
````
What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
An investigator.
````
Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Cows are from the Moooooooooon.
````
What does a farmer say when he's looking for his tractor?
-
"Where is my tractor?"
````
Where do you take a boat when it gets sick?
To the dock.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
With some of those jokes I'm thinking what were they smoking?
They look like some that I would write.
We had an awesome day with mid 70s temps. It was very windy though. Still, we did enjoy it.
I always enjoy living and breathing.
I didn't do much, but I enjoyed it.
I'm looking forward to some football today. The Cowboys don't play until Thursday, but I know I can find some good games to watch.
I hope you all have a super day.
joe
We have a foot of snow expected tomorrow. I'd like to watch from the comfort of my home and have a lazy Sunday, but I have work. Should be fun driving! 
Sorry you have to work in all that snow. 
Does your car handle snow well?
Ana I hope your work day ends before it gets to snowy! 
Family enjoy the game. 
Venus sounds like a busy gaming day ahead for you! Have fun! 
Alas out team lost yesterday (got their butts kicked), but a good time was had by all. 
I can't believe you just woke up too...I had to fix my own breakfast
