Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday Joe's - 12/04/18 01:56 AM
“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ” -
~George Burns~
``````````````
Funny Sayings | Part 5 | Silly and Funny
Best first:
Reality would really improve greatly if background music were added.
````
I’ve got a problem for your solution.
````
The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.
````
Go bungee jumping. Your life started with a malfunctioning rubber, so it’s only right it should end that way, too.
````
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.
````
War never decides who is right. War only decides who is left.
````
What rhymes with zoo and smells bad? You.
````
If pro is the opposite of con, what would then be the opposite of progress?
````
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
````
In books, there hides great knowledge; knowledge is power; power corrupts; corruption is a crime; crime doesn't pay... basically, if you keep on reading, you’ll end up a beggar.
````
The snorers are always the ones to fall asleep first.
````
They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal?
````
If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
````
Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.
````
Pity there’s no gym for your face.
````
Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.
````
You can go anywhere you like; you must only look serious and carry a clipboard.
````
It may seem like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to disappear.
````
If you’re using the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby", try taking candy from a baby.
````
The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.
````
No, I don't read. The letters get really repetitive after a while.
````
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to turn into a conservative, without having to change a single idea.
````
Good morning everyboomie!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
OOPS oh hey wait a minute guys. Don't go celebrating just yet, I got my dates mixed up.
I know there's still some neurons in there somewhere.
I'm sorry I'll mark it on my calendar and let you know when you can crank up the revelry, ok?
It sneaks up on you if you're not watching for it, but never fear, I have plenty of time to track it.
So what's up today?
I plan on going across the river down Texas way, and see about getting a new cell plan. They don't have a store in this neck of the woods.
Then I want to check out a gun range down there in Sherman.
We also don't have any gun ranges in this neck of the woods.
The rest of the day is up in the air, but I'm pretty sure it will have something to do with taking my pup out to make amends for leaving her here alone for part of the day.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~George Burns~
``````````````
Funny Sayings | Part 5 | Silly and Funny
Best first:
Reality would really improve greatly if background music were added.
````
I’ve got a problem for your solution.
````
The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.
````
Go bungee jumping. Your life started with a malfunctioning rubber, so it’s only right it should end that way, too.
````
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.
````
War never decides who is right. War only decides who is left.
````
What rhymes with zoo and smells bad? You.
````
If pro is the opposite of con, what would then be the opposite of progress?
````
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
````
In books, there hides great knowledge; knowledge is power; power corrupts; corruption is a crime; crime doesn't pay... basically, if you keep on reading, you’ll end up a beggar.
````
The snorers are always the ones to fall asleep first.
````
They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal?
````
If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
````
Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.
````
Pity there’s no gym for your face.
````
Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.
````
You can go anywhere you like; you must only look serious and carry a clipboard.
````
It may seem like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to disappear.
````
If you’re using the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby", try taking candy from a baby.
````
The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.
````
No, I don't read. The letters get really repetitive after a while.
````
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to turn into a conservative, without having to change a single idea.
````
Good morning everyboomie!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
OOPS oh hey wait a minute guys. Don't go celebrating just yet, I got my dates mixed up.
I know there's still some neurons in there somewhere.
I'm sorry I'll mark it on my calendar and let you know when you can crank up the revelry, ok?
It sneaks up on you if you're not watching for it, but never fear, I have plenty of time to track it.
So what's up today?
I plan on going across the river down Texas way, and see about getting a new cell plan. They don't have a store in this neck of the woods.
Then I want to check out a gun range down there in Sherman.
We also don't have any gun ranges in this neck of the woods.
The rest of the day is up in the air, but I'm pretty sure it will have something to do with taking my pup out to make amends for leaving her here alone for part of the day.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
