Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday Joe's - 12/11/18 02:31 AM
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
-
~Bob Monkhouse~
```````````````
Dog Jokes
Best first:
Q: Who is Dracula’s best friend?
A: His bloodhound.
````
What kind of dog eats with his ears?
-
They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.
````
What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?
-
You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.
````
What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.
-
He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!
````
What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
-
Anything you like, just very quietly.
````
What is the question a flea often has to ask itself?
-
Should I walk or take a dog?
````
When is a mom flea happy?
-
When her whole family has gone to the dogs.
````
“Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
” – Lewis Grizzard”
````
What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
-
My dog can't even ride a bike!
````
What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?
-
Two thousand dogs.
````
What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
-
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.
````
What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?
Seek medical help.
You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.
````
What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
[Don’t know]
OK, in that case I think I’ll mail that letter myself, thank you.
````
What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
-
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.
````
“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
-
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
-
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman
````
Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
-
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.
````
How do you tell the difference between a labrador and a marine biologist?
-
The one wags a tale, the other tags a whale.
````
What happens when you cross a rooster, a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle?
-
You get a Cockerpoodledoo.
````
What should you do when your dog suddenly goes Squaawk?
-
Pat him on the head. He’s learning a new language.
````
A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
-
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”
````
Why do men chase after women they don’t intend to marry?
-
Well why do dogs chase after cars they don’t intend to drive?
````
A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
-
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”
````
Why do dogs lick their butts?
-
Because nobody will do it for them.
````
What do you do when you see a dog eating your dictionary?
-
Take the words out of his mouth.
````
I’m considering removing my dog’s tail.
-
My mother in law comes next weekend and I intend to get rid of anything that would give her the impression that she is welcome.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy spellcheck really does not like that word 'Cockerpoodledoo' for some reason.
What do they know anyway?
We had a great day down here.Got in the mid 50s yahoo!
Tuesday's to be back in the 60s.
Ooooo Ahhhhh!
Not sure what I'll do. We have 100% rain chances on Thursday, and I can't decide if I want to run out to the sod farm Tuesday, or wait till after the rain.
I'm also waiting for a chance to go shoot my guns. Tuesday might be a great day for that.
Any suggestions?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
-
~Bob Monkhouse~
```````````````
Dog Jokes
Best first:
Q: Who is Dracula’s best friend?
A: His bloodhound.
````
What kind of dog eats with his ears?
-
They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.
````
What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?
-
You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.
````
What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.
-
He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!
````
What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
-
Anything you like, just very quietly.
````
What is the question a flea often has to ask itself?
-
Should I walk or take a dog?
````
When is a mom flea happy?
-
When her whole family has gone to the dogs.
````
“Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
” – Lewis Grizzard”
````
What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
-
My dog can't even ride a bike!
````
What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?
-
Two thousand dogs.
````
What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
-
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.
````
What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?
Seek medical help.
You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.
````
What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
[Don’t know]
OK, in that case I think I’ll mail that letter myself, thank you.
````
What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
-
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.
````
“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
-
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
-
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman
````
Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
-
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.
````
How do you tell the difference between a labrador and a marine biologist?
-
The one wags a tale, the other tags a whale.
````
What happens when you cross a rooster, a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle?
-
You get a Cockerpoodledoo.
````
What should you do when your dog suddenly goes Squaawk?
-
Pat him on the head. He’s learning a new language.
````
A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
-
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”
````
Why do men chase after women they don’t intend to marry?
-
Well why do dogs chase after cars they don’t intend to drive?
````
A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
-
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”
````
Why do dogs lick their butts?
-
Because nobody will do it for them.
````
What do you do when you see a dog eating your dictionary?
-
Take the words out of his mouth.
````
I’m considering removing my dog’s tail.
-
My mother in law comes next weekend and I intend to get rid of anything that would give her the impression that she is welcome.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy spellcheck really does not like that word 'Cockerpoodledoo' for some reason.
What do they know anyway?
We had a great day down here.Got in the mid 50s yahoo!
Tuesday's to be back in the 60s.
Ooooo Ahhhhh!Not sure what I'll do. We have 100% rain chances on Thursday, and I can't decide if I want to run out to the sod farm Tuesday, or wait till after the rain.
I'm also waiting for a chance to go shoot my guns. Tuesday might be a great day for that.
Any suggestions?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Joe! I think you test our censors all the time! 
I hope you can get out! 
Dinner and Karaoke tonight at 8-8 Panda. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. 
