Posted By: gymcandy1
Hump Wednesday - 12/12/18 01:57 AM
They say the dog is man's best friend.
I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you neutered?
~Larry Reeb~
````````````
What creature has four legs and one hand?
-
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.
````
What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?
-
A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.
````
What market shouldn't you take your dog to?
-
The flea market.
````
Why did the dog lie down?
-
He found lying up too difficult.
````
Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
-
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.
````
Dog dictionary
a. Toilet bowl: A heavenly dispenser of nice, fresh water.
b. Hearing: A variable skill.
Its intensity depends on whether it applies to a fridge door opening half a mile away behind three closed doors, or whether your own name is being shouted in an angry way or in a way that threatens Vet (see Vet).
c. Garbage bin/bag: Source of food.
Spread contents over as wide an area as possible.
d.Drooling: When humans are eating, drooling can be a very effective food-producing skill.
For best results, drool must be gotten onto the humans’ trousers/skirt.
Use also for fun – when driving in a car with humans, place head between two humans in the front seat.
Drool gently and in great volume on their arms/shoulders.
Rejoice at effects.
e. Resting place: Anything, really.
White, freshly vacuumed surfaces with good capacity for getting hair stuck to it are best.
f. Sofa: See resting place.
Also serves as napkin after particularly satisfying meals (see Roadkill).
g. Vet: Satan, the Destroyer of Worlds, Bringer of Woe, Remover of Testicles.
h. Leash: A device allowing you to lead your human to a place you desire.
Excellent for muscle-building exercise.
i. Bicycle: Very good cardio equipment.
If you find the exercise/the rider too slow for you, you can increase its speed by running even closer to the vehicle and barking.
It will pick up its pace very satisfyingly.
j. Fireworks: A sure sign that the world as we know it is coming to an end and the reign of Vets (see Vet) is beginning.
k. Sniffing: A polite way of showing interest in the creature you are meeting.
With dogs, rectal area is best.
When meeting humans, sniff the crotch.
l. Roadkill: One of the most universal items you can find.
Can be used as food, deodorant or toy.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope everybody slept well last night.
I still have a little sand in my eyes........and it really hurts!!
We had a pretty good Tuesday. Pretty windy, and pretty cool. Missy made me walk around the park twice.
I went to town in the afternoon and picked up a new hand gun that I ordered on my birthday.
I have 3 guns and 600 rounds of ammo, and I'm ready for 'anybody' to "make my day'.
Speaking of making my day.....GIMLI!!!
It's great to see you in the diner again Evie.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you neutered?
~Larry Reeb~
````````````
What creature has four legs and one hand?
-
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.
````
What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?
-
A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.
````
What market shouldn't you take your dog to?
-
The flea market.
````
Why did the dog lie down?
-
He found lying up too difficult.
````
Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
-
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.
````
Dog dictionary
a. Toilet bowl: A heavenly dispenser of nice, fresh water.
b. Hearing: A variable skill.
Its intensity depends on whether it applies to a fridge door opening half a mile away behind three closed doors, or whether your own name is being shouted in an angry way or in a way that threatens Vet (see Vet).
c. Garbage bin/bag: Source of food.
Spread contents over as wide an area as possible.
d.Drooling: When humans are eating, drooling can be a very effective food-producing skill.
For best results, drool must be gotten onto the humans’ trousers/skirt.
Use also for fun – when driving in a car with humans, place head between two humans in the front seat.
Drool gently and in great volume on their arms/shoulders.
Rejoice at effects.
e. Resting place: Anything, really.
White, freshly vacuumed surfaces with good capacity for getting hair stuck to it are best.
f. Sofa: See resting place.
Also serves as napkin after particularly satisfying meals (see Roadkill).
g. Vet: Satan, the Destroyer of Worlds, Bringer of Woe, Remover of Testicles.
h. Leash: A device allowing you to lead your human to a place you desire.
Excellent for muscle-building exercise.
i. Bicycle: Very good cardio equipment.
If you find the exercise/the rider too slow for you, you can increase its speed by running even closer to the vehicle and barking.
It will pick up its pace very satisfyingly.
j. Fireworks: A sure sign that the world as we know it is coming to an end and the reign of Vets (see Vet) is beginning.
k. Sniffing: A polite way of showing interest in the creature you are meeting.
With dogs, rectal area is best.
When meeting humans, sniff the crotch.
l. Roadkill: One of the most universal items you can find.
Can be used as food, deodorant or toy.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope everybody slept well last night.
I still have a little sand in my eyes........and it really hurts!!
We had a pretty good Tuesday. Pretty windy, and pretty cool. Missy made me walk around the park twice.
I went to town in the afternoon and picked up a new hand gun that I ordered on my birthday.
I have 3 guns and 600 rounds of ammo, and I'm ready for 'anybody' to "make my day'.
Speaking of making my day.....GIMLI!!!
It's great to see you in the diner again Evie.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
Ah well....
