Posted By: gymcandy1
Sunday's Sip & Surf Diner - 01/13/19 01:47 AM
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.
Paula Poundstone
````````````````
5 Shortest Books Ever Written
1 Americans' Guide to Etiquette
2 Bedouin Olympic Swimmers
3 One-Legged Folk Dances
4 Advanced Subtraction
5 Arctic Water Polo
````
The 10 Shortest Books Ever Written
1 Gun Control for The New Millennium: NRA Handbook
2 Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
3 Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
4 Everything Men Know About Women
5 Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
6 A Plan For Prohibition In Australia
7 Safe Places to Travel in the USA
8 The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
9 1000 Years of German Humour
10 The Fat, Lard, and Cream Diet
````
Top 10 FORBIDDEN Library Titles For Children
1 Gerbil merry-go round, and other great microwave games.
2 Fifty new places to poke a pencil.
3 The little girl who died from eating all her vegetables
4 Why washing clothes causes childhood allergies.
5 Children's guide to hitch-hiking.
6 Flying lessons for kittens.
7 Toys that your neighbours are getting.
8 Where mothers hide treats.
9 Advanced screaming, crying and whinging.
10 How to avoid washing daddy's car.
````
A bloke walks into library and asked the assistant:
'Do you have any books on suicide'
'No chance', says the librarian, 'You wont bring it back!'
````
Funny Library Rules
Whenever you are looking for an important book it's always out of stock. However, if you you are looking for an indispensable book, then it's out of print.
The thinnest books have the longest catalogue numbers.
In any library, there is only one person who knows where all the books are. Find them before their boss fires them.
In any library, the helpfulness of any member of staff is inversely proportional to the number of pens in that person's pocket.
The student with the most overdue books fails their course. [One professor we know comes into the college library at the end of every academic year, and asks for the list of students with overdue books. We cannot help noticing that the list corresponds precisely to the end of term grades. The student with the most overdue books failed their course
````
Book and Library Quotes
A good book is the best of friends. English Proverb
Choose an author as you would a friend. Wentworth Dillon
Your library is your portrait. Holbrook Jackson
No furniture so charming as books. Sydney Smith
'Classic': A book which people praise but don't read. Mark Twain
Books are lighthouses erected in the great sea of time. Edwin P. Whipple
In reading, as in eating, an appetite is half the feast. Anonymous
````
Customer: I am looking for a globe of the earth.
Librarian: We have a table-top model over here.
Customer: No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?
Librarian: [pauses] Yes, but it's in use right now.'
Library - Or McDonalds?
Marion [none too bright] walks into the library and says to the librarian, 'Can I have a burger and fries?'
Librarian [whispering]: 'Ssssh...Sorry, this is a library.'
Marion: [whispering also] 'Oh, may I have a burger and fries?'
````
Actual Questions Asked of Librarians:
Do you have books here?
Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?
Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?
Where in the library can I find a power socket for for my hairdryer?
Do you have that book by Rushdie, 'Satanic Nurses'? [Actual title: 'Satanic Verses']
I am seeking a directory of laws that I can break, so that I would be returned to jail for a
couple of years.
Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?
````
Funny Questions Asked of Staff at National Parks
Grand Canyon National Park Rangers - Was this canyon man made?
Everglades National Park - Are the baby alligators for sale?
Mesa Verde Park - Do you know of any undiscovered remains? (The old ones are the best)
What time of year do they turn on Yosemite Falls?
Banff National Park - What's the best trail to take a bike on to see a cougar?
Where are the animals kept at night?
````
Good Sunday morning everyboomie.
This is your Sunday diner anyway. The Chiefs and Colts game is just ending, and then there's the big one after that, Cowboys and Rams.
Fingers crossed.
I'm all fed and showered and ready root for my team.
I'll probably have to make a trip to Walmart in the a.m. I'm out of all the good stuff and don't want to wait till Monday.....when I need to drive down to Sam's in Texas.
Why can't we have a Sam's up here in Oklahoma already??
Have a happy day y'all.
rah rah
joe
Paula Poundstone
````````````````
5 Shortest Books Ever Written
1 Americans' Guide to Etiquette
2 Bedouin Olympic Swimmers
3 One-Legged Folk Dances
4 Advanced Subtraction
5 Arctic Water Polo
````
The 10 Shortest Books Ever Written
1 Gun Control for The New Millennium: NRA Handbook
2 Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
3 Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
4 Everything Men Know About Women
5 Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
6 A Plan For Prohibition In Australia
7 Safe Places to Travel in the USA
8 The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
9 1000 Years of German Humour
10 The Fat, Lard, and Cream Diet
````
Top 10 FORBIDDEN Library Titles For Children
1 Gerbil merry-go round, and other great microwave games.
2 Fifty new places to poke a pencil.
3 The little girl who died from eating all her vegetables
4 Why washing clothes causes childhood allergies.
5 Children's guide to hitch-hiking.
6 Flying lessons for kittens.
7 Toys that your neighbours are getting.
8 Where mothers hide treats.
9 Advanced screaming, crying and whinging.
10 How to avoid washing daddy's car.
````
A bloke walks into library and asked the assistant:
'Do you have any books on suicide'
'No chance', says the librarian, 'You wont bring it back!'
````
Funny Library Rules
Whenever you are looking for an important book it's always out of stock. However, if you you are looking for an indispensable book, then it's out of print.
The thinnest books have the longest catalogue numbers.
In any library, there is only one person who knows where all the books are. Find them before their boss fires them.
In any library, the helpfulness of any member of staff is inversely proportional to the number of pens in that person's pocket.
The student with the most overdue books fails their course. [One professor we know comes into the college library at the end of every academic year, and asks for the list of students with overdue books. We cannot help noticing that the list corresponds precisely to the end of term grades. The student with the most overdue books failed their course
````
Book and Library Quotes
A good book is the best of friends. English Proverb
Choose an author as you would a friend. Wentworth Dillon
Your library is your portrait. Holbrook Jackson
No furniture so charming as books. Sydney Smith
'Classic': A book which people praise but don't read. Mark Twain
Books are lighthouses erected in the great sea of time. Edwin P. Whipple
In reading, as in eating, an appetite is half the feast. Anonymous
````
Customer: I am looking for a globe of the earth.
Librarian: We have a table-top model over here.
Customer: No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?
Librarian: [pauses] Yes, but it's in use right now.'
Library - Or McDonalds?
Marion [none too bright] walks into the library and says to the librarian, 'Can I have a burger and fries?'
Librarian [whispering]: 'Ssssh...Sorry, this is a library.'
Marion: [whispering also] 'Oh, may I have a burger and fries?'
````
Actual Questions Asked of Librarians:
Do you have books here?
Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?
Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?
Where in the library can I find a power socket for for my hairdryer?
Do you have that book by Rushdie, 'Satanic Nurses'? [Actual title: 'Satanic Verses']
I am seeking a directory of laws that I can break, so that I would be returned to jail for a
couple of years.
Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?
````
Funny Questions Asked of Staff at National Parks
Grand Canyon National Park Rangers - Was this canyon man made?
Everglades National Park - Are the baby alligators for sale?
Mesa Verde Park - Do you know of any undiscovered remains? (The old ones are the best)
What time of year do they turn on Yosemite Falls?
Banff National Park - What's the best trail to take a bike on to see a cougar?
Where are the animals kept at night?
````
Good Sunday morning everyboomie.
This is your Sunday diner anyway. The Chiefs and Colts game is just ending, and then there's the big one after that, Cowboys and Rams.
Fingers crossed.
I'm all fed and showered and ready root for my team.
I'll probably have to make a trip to Walmart in the a.m. I'm out of all the good stuff and don't want to wait till Monday.....when I need to drive down to Sam's in Texas.
Why can't we have a Sam's up here in Oklahoma already??
Have a happy day y'all.
rah rahjoe
Coffee and grits please Gerry and Connie
L4L
I wasn't planning on getting one so soon, but there was this beautiful girl there that I feel has "picked" me. I saw her for the first time a few days ago while I was working, as the pet store was in the same shopping center as one of my projects. I said if she was still there today, I would see if she was available. And she was! They gave me the information to fill out the application online, I went home and filled it out, and they contacted me almost immediately. We'll probably be going to meet the volunteer on Tuesday evening. If we get the kitty (which looks promising,) I'm going to call her Isis. 
Wishing All My Boomer Buddies a Peaceful Day! 