Posted By: curly
Jokes. - 09/19/13 07:30 AM
-1.A cement mixer collided with a prison van.
Be on the lookout for h------- c-------s.
-2.What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
o------ --- w-----.
-3.A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her?
She would like something electric."
The husband replied, "--- ----- a c----?"
-4.I am bald. As a joke a friend of mine gave me a comb
for my birthday.
I told him," thank you very much, -'-- -e-e- ---- ---- it".
-5.What do you call a woman who knows exactly where her husband is every night?
a -----.
-6.On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students to point out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be off limits for all male students, and the male dormitory to female students. Anybody caught breaking these rules will be fined $40 the first time, $90 the second time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the third time will be fined a hefty $200. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How m---
--- - -e---n p---?"
-7.My Aunt used this cream that promised to give her the skin of a teenager.
A week later, --e b---e --- in p----e-.
-8.You will never hear e Redneck say:
My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is -e----e-e- at T------'s
9.If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two Aspirin" and "-ee- a--- f--- c-----e-."
-10.Mrs. Smith was in the habit of having long conversations on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.
"What is the matter today?", asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"- --- --e w---- n-----," replied Mrs. Smith.
Be on the lookout for h------- c-------s.
-2.What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
o------ --- w-----.
-3.A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her?
She would like something electric."
The husband replied, "--- ----- a c----?"
-4.I am bald. As a joke a friend of mine gave me a comb
for my birthday.
I told him," thank you very much, -'-- -e-e- ---- ---- it".
-5.What do you call a woman who knows exactly where her husband is every night?
a -----.
-6.On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students to point out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be off limits for all male students, and the male dormitory to female students. Anybody caught breaking these rules will be fined $40 the first time, $90 the second time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the third time will be fined a hefty $200. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How m---
--- - -e---n p---?"
-7.My Aunt used this cream that promised to give her the skin of a teenager.
A week later, --e b---e --- in p----e-.
-8.You will never hear e Redneck say:
My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is -e----e-e- at T------'s
9.If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two Aspirin" and "-ee- a--- f--- c-----e-."
-10.Mrs. Smith was in the habit of having long conversations on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.
"What is the matter today?", asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"- --- --e w---- n-----," replied Mrs. Smith.
