Posted By: curly
Jokes. - 06/06/17 07:41 AM
These are old jokes that I sent to a previous puzzle page that Sue found for me.
Thanks Sue.
-1.A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "T---'- ------e!”
-2.Walking past the big wooden fence around the insane asylum, a guy hears everyone inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
His curiosity piqued, he finds a hole in the fence and looks inside.
All of a sudden a finger shoots through the hole and pokes out his eye, and the inmates start wildly chanting, "--------!--------!————!"
3.A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I d---'- n--- o-- t---.”
-4.After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The m------ of d----s"
-5.When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on --e p----.
6.Medical definition:HUMERUS: To t--- us w--- we n--- to h---.
-7.Medical definition:DILATE: To ---e - ---- l---.
8.Medical definition:BUNION ----'- n---.
-9.Did you hear the one about the student who got a hundred
in geometry without studying? He knew all --e a---e-.
-10.A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookup for sixteen h------d c-------s.
Thanks Sue.
-1.A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "T---'- ------e!”
-2.Walking past the big wooden fence around the insane asylum, a guy hears everyone inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
His curiosity piqued, he finds a hole in the fence and looks inside.
All of a sudden a finger shoots through the hole and pokes out his eye, and the inmates start wildly chanting, "--------!--------!————!"
3.A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I d---'- n--- o-- t---.”
-4.After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The m------ of d----s"
-5.When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on --e p----.
6.Medical definition:HUMERUS: To t--- us w--- we n--- to h---.
-7.Medical definition:DILATE: To ---e - ---- l---.
8.Medical definition:BUNION ----'- n---.
-9.Did you hear the one about the student who got a hundred
in geometry without studying? He knew all --e a---e-.
-10.A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookup for sixteen h------d c-------s.
