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#1131408 - 11/10/17 07:21 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31916
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

~Laurence J. Peter~
```````````````````

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase."

The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment."

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.

The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny."

`````````````

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

`````````````

At age 5 success is not peeing in your pants

At age 10 success is having friends

At age 16 success is having your driver's license

At age 20 success is having sex

At age 35 success is having money

At age 50 success is having money

At age 65 success is having sex

At age 70 success is having your driver's license

At age 75 success is having friends

At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants

``````````````

The only cow in a small town in Poland stops giving milk, so the villagers buy one from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles.

Because the cow is so wonderful, they buy a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

However, whenever the bull goes near the cow, the cow moves away.

The people are upset and decide to talk to the sage.

They tell him what's happening: "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from behind, she moves forward."

The sage thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people are dumbfounded. "Yes," they say. "How did you know?"

The sage answers sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

```````````

Bumper Stickers

Ever stop to think...and forget to start again?

I are proud to be a college student

Conserve toilet paper...use both sides

Don't come knockin' if the car is a rockin'

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain

Keep honking...I'm reloading

Don't steal....the government hates competition

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar

```````````````

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

``````````

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my [blip]. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your [blip] back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Happy Veteran's Day to all veterans. I think it's today anyway. duh


Welcome to the weekend! joy


It's just me and the two pups and Pepper here this fine Friday night. yay


I ran all the others off. wink


At least tonight I'll have two cat burglar alarms. puppy


I'll sleep so much more peacefully. snicker


Well, I've got football to rewatch. happydance


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1131416 - 11/10/17 09:22 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74042
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, did you see my snuggle buddy on FaceBook? Nugget keeps me warm in the mornings especially when it's in the teens! hearts
Are the owners of the other pup gone again or are you adopting her to keep Missy company. I'm praying that Nuggets owner will let me keep her, she has won my heart.

Have a happy day all! I am going with friends to see Thor tonight. I hope its good.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1131419 - 11/10/17 09:49 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31916
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Ana Beau's owner had to find another place to live. I'm just keeping him for the weekend. yes

Your snuggle buddy is a beautiful dog for sure. I love that picture. He's got a great smile. puppy


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1131428 - 11/10/17 11:04 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74042
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I didn't think I'd find another pup that would be a close match to my Merlin. Nugget is an absolutely amazing dog. I'm praying I can keep her forever. She's been with me a long time already, she is very much at home here.
Sorry about Beau's owner, hope all is well there and you can still be able to have him come play.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1131446 - 11/11/17 05:38 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22218
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Joe enjoy your day. Ana hope you get to keep Nugget. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing everyone a fun Saturday! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1131456 - 11/11/17 07:12 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18058
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, enjoy the dogs and Pepper.

Ana, really hoping you get to keep Nugget.

Gerry, coffee needed. It's really cold outside.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! kitty
_________________________
Gail

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#1131462 - 11/11/17 08:04 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9913
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. Ana, I hope you can keep Nugget, I miss my Golden he was a lover. I'm going to an Arts and Craft show with Robert and a friend. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1131473 - 11/11/17 10:43 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26581
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Joe Ana Gerry Gail Connie and the rest of the gang when you're up and at em laugh

I'm off to complete Saturday chores, projects and duties that will keep me busy most of the day

Have fun Connie

Yes they are great warmers Ana

Football must have been pretty good to rewatch Joe...

Wishing you all a good Saturday...

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1131476 - 11/11/17 10:53 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74042
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Connie, I've heard Goldens are exceptionally affectionate and boy, Nugget sure is a little love bug! Enjoy your craft faor!

Gail, how is everything? Getting ready for Thanksgiving?

Gerry, hot chocolate sounds delicious right now!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1131477 - 11/11/17 11:05 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47175
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

I'm off to wander-walk the Keoki-man in just a second. It's a little cool happydance Boys are here. We are supposed to be playing some Pathfinder later today. Quite involved for the dungeon master (who isn't me, thank God). I just have to show up and roll the dice. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1131520 - 11/11/17 11:34 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74042
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thor Ragnarok was a great movie! I'm not a fan of those kind very often but this was really good!

Nighty night all...
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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