A wee bit o/ Irish humor for St Patty's Day!



An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?'

'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk.

'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.'

'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.

'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest,
'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'

'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'



Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'

She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'

The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'

She says, 'That he did, Father.'

The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?'

She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put down that #@*%! gun....'



A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no Toliet paper on this side either.




Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy
loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.
Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one.
They tell him to be discrete, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discrete? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..

'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

Good ones

Great jokes katbear!

joe

Great Jokes for anyday.Top O the morning

Lil

Kat where do you get these funnee jokes. Double funney(sp?) for me because I'm one of the original Northern Irishers- orange Irish. If ever I had to leave this country I'd go to Ireland.

Love it, thanks for the laughs

loved'em !

Kat.

Yankee Clipper,
I surf alot, and like to share sometimes.
These actually came to me via a friend on another site I frequent.
Actually, the last one reminds me of an Andy Capp comic strip :haha:

Thanks Kat

Thanks, katbear50

Some good ones there !!

Thanks for sharing Kat!

These are so good. Thanks for sharing!