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Sunday Sunshine #1032126
09/12/15 06:28 PM
09/12/15 06:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.”
– Franklin P. Jones

```````````````````

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around midnight each night.

He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and always coming home in a drunken state. But Merle just continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly distraught by it all.

The friend listened and said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then he might change his ways."

The wife thought that this might be a good idea.

That night, Merle took off again after dinner. And at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Merle in.

Instead of berating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Merle down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to Merle, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"

At that, in his inebriated state he replied, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"

``````````````````````````````

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

````````````````````````````

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

```````````````````````

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes."

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"

"Certainly sir,"replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "The same thing I'm doing to his business. Have another one, it's on the house."

````````````````````````

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer.

The bartender looked up and said, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"

The guy said, "I'm from Iowa."

The bartender asked, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"

The guy responded, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asked, "Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"

The guy said nervously, "I mount animals."

The bartender grinned and shouted out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us! "

```````````````````````````

A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'.

'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dog looks at her and does nothing, and the man then shouts to the dog, 'OK. Just ONE more time, let me show you how it's done".

````````````````````````

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says:

"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:

"Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your porch swing."

`````````````````````````````

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"

"Aberdeen", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again."

````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Well I guess that's one more thing I can cross off of my bucket list. yay


I've always wanted to live through yesterday, and I finally did it. dance


That's because it finally got here. snicker


On to the next item on my list................breakfast. rah


Today is a 6:00 to 3:00 day again for me, and then I'm off for 22 whole hours. penguin


I'll take my victories where I can get 'em. wink


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032129
09/12/15 08:19 PM
09/12/15 08:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe wavewill you sleep for 22 hours that your off sleepI'll get the coffee going and keep it fresh for everyone! I haven't been here for awhile so birthdayto all the ones I missed,hope you are all in good health have a great Sunday puppy


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: cailyn] #1032130
09/12/15 08:47 PM
09/12/15 08:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032132
09/12/15 09:07 PM
09/12/15 09:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
Have a happy Sunday Joe! I hope you can squeeze in some fun!

Sue, we miss you! How's life?

SpaceQ, I hope you can get to the park today.

Have a great day everyone. Yesterday was play day so today is a work day.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032137
09/13/15 03:25 AM
09/13/15 03:25 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,348
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,348
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Sue, SpaceQ, Ana and all. Sue it's great to have you back. catrub Hope all is well with you. Joe hope your work day goes by fast! Space enjoy! Ana don't work to hard. I've put the tea water on and some fresh coffee too. Happy Day wished for all. summer wave


Gerry
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032141
09/13/15 06:17 AM
09/13/15 06:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,103
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,103
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a Walmart trip. Going to a surprise 50th Anniversary party for our Best friends this evening. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, Toast, and BB Pancakes in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: connie] #1032145
09/13/15 08:48 AM
09/13/15 08:48 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Ana,

We will make the park today but it is cold here this morning. eek


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032146
09/13/15 08:58 AM
09/13/15 08:58 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
Cold here too Space! It will be warming up later this week for a few days though. yay


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032150
09/13/15 09:09 AM
09/13/15 09:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 34,040
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 34,040
Alabama
Happy Sunday everyone...oh my but it is cool here too happydance

Time for gardening, games and whale music...have a wonderful day everyone!

wave

L4L hearts


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032151
09/13/15 09:14 AM
09/13/15 09:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
It is cool here also. 49F when me and Sassy took our walk!

Joe thanks for the chuckles!

Sue good to see you. Hope all is well. Thanks for the coffee.

Ana ma work go smoothly for you!

wave Gerry, Connie, Gail, Haroula, Space, Soot, and all who follow! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: auntiegram] #1032155
09/13/15 09:53 AM
09/13/15 09:53 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I need to make the most of these days before it really gets cold. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032182
09/13/15 01:36 PM
09/13/15 01:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,863
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,863
Alabama
Today is baseball game, take 2 lol Woke up to lovely cool weather. Even have the windows open happydance wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs] #1032184
09/13/15 01:43 PM
09/13/15 01:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
So glad to have football back. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1032217
09/13/15 08:25 PM
09/13/15 08:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1032218
09/13/15 08:52 PM
09/13/15 08:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams Space and all.

Long work day and have to finish before I go to bed, so can't stay. Hope you all had a great weekend.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
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