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Sip and Surf Sunday #1046300
12/19/15 11:52 PM
12/19/15 11:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?
~ANONYMOUS~

`````````````````````````

Spotted on Facebook…

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper?

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the 
sentences you apparently 
kidnapped in the dead of night 
and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.

````````````````````````

My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one of them had too much to drink. Feeling drowsy, the poor man sank back into his chair and said, “I don’t feel good. I’m 
going into screen saver mode.”

````````````````````````

While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered a few books for our library. One was George Orwell’s 
Animal Farm. When I went to take it out, I discovered that the librarian had placed the book in the section for dairy and poultry.

````````````````````````

A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later, the customer called, 
demanding a refund.

Client: You did my tattoo backward!

Tattoo artist: It’s backward?

Client: Yes! I’m looking at it in the mirror right now!

````````````````````````````

My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication issues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”

````````````````````````````

As if the declining health of my grandmother weren’t enough, my parents suddenly had to contend with an ant infestation. So I was glad to get a text from Mom updating me: “Exterminator was here; thinks she got the nest behind the microwave. She sprayed, and hundreds came out—dead and woozy. Grandma 
Marie the same.”

``````````````````````

Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to 
my 96-year-old uncle, “She’s so 
stubborn.”

He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have trouble with her when she gets old.”

```````````````````````

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

````````````````````

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.”
My wife hasn’t asked me to do anything since.

````````````````````````

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and candy last Easter when her six-year-old woke up to all the booty and shouted, “This is the best Christmas ever!”

````````````````````````

“Has your diet changed?” 
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital.

“Yes,” she said. “For Lent, I gave 
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it’s gotten me.”

`````````````````````

Weirdest Craigslist Post Ever?

Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on Craigslist:

“$40K a Year to Attend Harvard University as Me.” Requirements include a 4.0 GPA in high school or a 3.5 GPA in college. Only males need apply, since, as the listing tells us, “I have a male name.” The lucky person tapped for the gig doesn’t have to do much other than “attend all classes, pass all tests, 
and finish all assigned work while pretending you are me.” Don’t worry about having to actually get into 
the Ivy League school: “I’ve already taken care of that,” he says.

`````````````````````

Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read aloud the final 
numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device. Only after 
I’d finished did we realize that he had entered the numbers on his 
desk phone’s keypad.

```````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


How's everyone doing? smile12


I'm sitting here trying to keep my legs from cramping. Seems my outings are making my legs crampier than ever. shocked


I'd do it every day anyway if I kept finding points. bravo12


It's great. It's like Christmas in December. presents12


I send Santa a 10 'point' request every night.


Have a happy day everybody.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046302
12/20/15 02:13 AM
12/20/15 02:13 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a relaxing before Christmas Sunday everyone. tree wave12


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046303
12/20/15 02:53 AM
12/20/15 02:53 AM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,797
Hogwarts
Trail_Mystic Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
Trail_Mystic  Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,797
Hogwarts
Hope everyone has a wonderful day. Looking forward to the holiday, but could someone send us a little snow please? thanks

TM grin12


“Sorrow has a human heart...”

Nightwish
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046305
12/20/15 04:18 AM
12/20/15 04:18 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,348
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,348
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Trail_ and everyone. A chilly start to the day today. Coffee and tea are ready and some hot chocolate too.

winter tree Have a great day everyone! tree winter


Gerry
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046315
12/20/15 08:04 AM
12/20/15 08:04 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific Sunday Joe, Haroula, Trail_Mystic, Gerry and all who follow. wave12

It's my only day off this week, which means I really have to rest, as I'm sick, and I have an especially long day tomorrow. frown12 Then I have long days afterward, but the good news is, I have a three day weekend starting Friday. happydance12 I wasn't sure if I would or not, so I'm very happy about that.

Okay, off to let kitty version Venus in, as she's meowing incessantly. grin12 Have a fantastic Sunday, everyone. tree


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046319
12/20/15 08:35 AM
12/20/15 08:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers smile12

Joe, have a great one!

Haroula, happy day!

TM, I'd send you some snow but we don't have any here either.

Gerry, coffee needed. Thank you!

Venus, hope you feel better soon. Hugs!

Church this morning then a nice quiet relaxing Sunday. wink12


Gail
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: GBC] #1046321
12/20/15 09:41 AM
12/20/15 09:41 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning Haroula, Trail, Gerry, Venus, Gail, and all. happydance12

It's very overcast here this morning. wink12

Cloudy too. grin12

It caused me to oversleep till 8:00. Now I'm trying to gulp down my coffee so I can get busy. I have much stuff to do, starting with a trip to Walmart for groceries. shocked

So, I've got two more cups of coffee to gulp down. I'd better get to it. taz

Have a super day everyone. thumbsup12

joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 12/20/15 09:42 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046322
12/20/15 09:54 AM
12/20/15 09:54 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,961
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning everyone! A much warmer start to the day, yesterday was 10 degrees, today is 36! Yay! I have a houseful of family today, everyone of them except one nephew living in Indonesia and he will skype with us.

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046336
12/20/15 11:24 AM
12/20/15 11:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
Joe don't gulp too fast and burn yourself!! Great find yesterday!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula you too! Have a lovely day!

Trail_ none up here to speak of either or I would send some your way! Although they are talking some for today!? Who knowas. Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee and have a lovely day!

venus HUGS! Prayers that your rest today helps you to feel well again. Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church and the nice relaxing afternoon! Have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy your day with family!!! Have a lovely day!

wave12
Nan

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046343
12/20/15 12:17 PM
12/20/15 12:17 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Hi All, long time no post -just to let all know I'm still on this planet, and my 5 kits too. One big noisy happy family. Up to breakfast that is then after the eats all quiet sleepy time. Thought I'd better post today because tomorrow's my b'day and well, you know.

Yesterday I planned to download some housework but in no time I'd uploaded "why bother". Thanks L4L

Still playing those games wolfenstein - killzone, oh please make a new game -mordor and that's enough shooting for awhile

Beauty day today


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: Yankee Clipper] #1046345
12/20/15 12:33 PM
12/20/15 12:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day today isn't too busy for you. Have a great Sip and Surf Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Easy day planned today. I think we'll barbecue. yay12

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046354
12/20/15 01:41 PM
12/20/15 01:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,863
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,863
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Hubby and Daughter and I had a wonderful time out last night. Christmas Carol was fun and afterwards, they did a free performance of Star Wars: Christmas Carol which was hysterical. Both theaters were super cold though.

Daughter hit the road back to CO this morning, and then son and hubby and the boys and I watched "Ant Man." Cute movie.

I feel like I'm coming down with something, so will indulge in some face steaming today.

Otherwise, I'm going to hydrate and relax. I'm exhausted. wave12


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #1046357
12/20/15 03:06 PM
12/20/15 03:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I hope you feel better looney. Hopefully some rest will help.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046365
12/20/15 06:00 PM
12/20/15 06:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,863
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,863
Alabama
Thanks, Space.

I'm going to go steam myself lol12


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #1046376
12/20/15 08:29 PM
12/20/15 08:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,362
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Did it work looney?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1046378
12/20/15 08:54 PM
12/20/15 08:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks Gail and Nan! hearts

Sorry you're also not feeling well, L4L. frown12 Hope the steaming worked for you! reindeer

Well, I'm off to sleep for another long day. Good night, everyone. sleep12


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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