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Saturdiner #1047221
12/25/15 09:29 PM
12/25/15 09:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Don’t Mess With Grandma

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

—Rita Rudner

```````````````````````````

Bad Soup

The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress.

“This soup is awful,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”

````````````````

Family Loopholes

To get my cousin to write to 
her even once, my aunt resorted to 
sending him a check with this note: “Do not cash until you write me a thank-you.” A few weeks later, the check had cleared, yet no message had arrived. So she called him.

“I told you not to cash the check until you’d written to thank me,” she complained.

“I didn’t cash the check, I deposited it."

````````````````````````````

10-Pin Puns

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new sports team. It’s 
a woman’s bowling squad called 
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.

````````````````````````````

Barbershop Blunders

The barbershop was crowded, 
so the woman at the cash register 
offered to put my name on the 
waiting list. “What is it?” she asked.
“Stephen, with a P-H,” I said.

Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: “Pheven?”




`````````````````````````

Behind The Newsprint

Working for a news organization is a tough job, as these world-weary tweets suggest:

• News reporter: “The computer erased all the apostrophes in my story. Apparently I’m too possessive.”

• Copy editor, as group of Cub Scouts gets a tour: “There it is, ‘Scared Straight: Newsroom Edition.’”

• Producer: “Free food in the 
newsroom is like oxygen masks on an airplane. You get yours first, then 
you inform others.”

Source: overheardinthenewsroom.com

``````````````````````````


No Emergency Exits, Thanks

The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped 
forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I 
explained, “The last time someone 
gave me wings, I had to jump 
out of the airplane.”

Col. David Jessop (Ret.), 
Rineyville, Kentucky

`````````````````````````

Store Hours Are Never

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the East Coast trying to return their shoes. Even worse, they end up wanting to speak to my supervisor because I “don’t sound professional enough.”

```````````````````

Fools Brush In

“So what’s that brush for?” the new hire asked.

“It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby,” said the first manager.

“Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers,” said the second manager.

“Well, I’ve been cleaning toilets with it,” said the first manager.

“Um, I’m putting in for a new brush,” said the second manager.

```````````````````````````````````

My New Power

I bragged to my boss that I didn’t need painkillers after a major surgery. His response: “This time, your evil superpowers came in handy.”

`````````````````````````

Did You Feel It?

I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store’s “Feel the Comfort” sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my left breast.

Debbie Skolnik, Scarsdale, New York

``````````````````````

King Soloman Jr.

We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my Sunday school class. An illustration showed King Solomon ordering a child to be cut in half, as one woman sobbed and another watched uncaringly.

Pointing to the heartless woman, a young boy said, “I hope she ends up with the part that has the butt on it.”

Evelyn Wieland, Bay City, Michigan

``````````````````````

Jimmy Fallon Asked For Embarrassing Texts From Moms…

I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” autocorrected to “You’re adopted.”
@StefenColalillo

On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the best time to 
abbreviate, Mom.
@HollyLouHarris

My mom once texted me “can you come over, I want you to take a selfie of me.”
@stefaniLegs

```````````````````````````````````

Fast Friends

My husband was driving 
home from work when he was 
pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Two days later—same ticket, same cop.

“So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?”

“Yes, I have,” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a 
different way home from work.”

``````````````````````````````

What's a Hipster?

“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.

“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”

“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.

````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I really should be in bed about now, but my son called and we talked for over an hour, so I'm late. wink12


It was a great day here. I had the front door propped open most of the day. bravo12


The day started kinda cloudy for me though. My little dog came crawling out from under the covers before sunrise, and I figured she was ready to go out, so I started getting up before I wanted too, but as I was putting my socks on, I look over at her and she was indeed very ready to go, and I think she took her que from Merlin and peed on my bed. taz


I had to strip the bed right there and start doing laundry at 7:00 am. duh12


On the bright side, I made contact with a buddy from my hometown, and my college days, whom I haven't talked to in over 10 years. woot


Another old friend that I had lost contact with, and who had introduced me to the other friend, tracked me down and called me a couple of weeks ago. He called me again this morning to wish me Merry Christmas, and he gave me the other friend's phone number. bravo12


I called him and we talked for quite a while.


Anyway I looked at my schedule today, and two of us were scheduled to come in at 1:00 in the afternoon with no one else working in our department all day, so I texted my manager and asked him if I should open instead. He said yes so I go in at 6:00. happydance12


Now I need to be in bed.


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup12



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047222
12/25/15 09:35 PM
12/25/15 09:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,857
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,857
In the Naughty Corner
Sorry about your bed Joe. I feel your pain! I moved Merlin's hassock that he uses to get on the bed. I don't trust him anymore. :sad12:
How fun that you reconnected with old friends!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave12


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047224
12/25/15 10:04 PM
12/25/15 10:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi Joe and Ana. I hope you're looking for a relaxing day today. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Midge] #1047229
12/25/15 11:23 PM
12/25/15 11:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,353
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,353
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi Joe, Ana and Midgie.

Have a great day. santa


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047236
12/26/15 12:52 AM
12/26/15 12:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Saturday Joe, Ana, Midge, Space Quest and all who come in after me. wave12

It's Friday night for me, and tomorrow is day two of my three day weekend. thumbsup12 I'm using the opportunity to take it easy, since I've been sick all week. I will sneak some singing practice in, however, as my cold appears to be mostly gone, and I have a voice lesson next Saturday that I'd like to be prepared for. grin12

Off to sleep now. Have a terrific Saturday, everyone. tree


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047242
12/26/15 03:47 AM
12/26/15 03:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning everyone,I hope you had a really good time yesterday. santadance
Here we had a hot and sunny Christmas day. eek12
Hope you have a relaxing Saturday. tree


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047245
12/26/15 05:52 AM
12/26/15 05:52 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,343
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,343
Marlborough USA
tree Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midgie, SpaceQ, Haroula, venus, and everyone. Beautiful decorations MaG!Coffee and tea are ready. It was a warm sunny Christmas day here too Haroula - in the 60s! Wishing everyone a peaceful Saturday! tree


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047251
12/26/15 08:10 AM
12/26/15 08:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,998
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,998
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We had a Wonderful Christmas, there were 18 adults and 3 children here. tree Santa was good to all. santadance I am very Blessed. To all here and all who follow, have a Great day after Christmas. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. christmas


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047275
12/26/15 12:03 PM
12/26/15 12:03 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers tree

Happy Day after Christmas! reindeer

We had a wonderful Christmas. Standing room only here yesterday. It was great! Enjoyed my entire family being here. Today is clean-up. scared

Wishing everyone a peaceful, happy day! holidays


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047288
12/26/15 12:39 PM
12/26/15 12:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll and I hope your day yesterday was lovely puppy


Today is cook books and maybe I can get Soot to vacuum happydance12 wave12


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047289
12/26/15 01:08 PM
12/26/15 01:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Well I made it through Christmas without a hitch. I expected a busy day, but it was calm and nice and great. My sister, however, wasn't so lucky. She woke up on Christmas morning and headed for the Emergency Room with stomach pains. They did every test in the world and decided it was just a 'stomach irritation' and sent her back with 3 different pills. She managed to make the family party by 11 am. Not a fun time I guess. Still, I was happy to hear from her. She's down from Washington State (in November) visiting with her daughter and I have YET to see her or get a phone call. One email and that was it. It's the norm for her. She's very busy with her stuff and I'm the last thing on her list of things to do. Love her dearly, but...

Nothing much in the neighborhood. Quiet, except for the gunshots on Christmas Eve. I think someone decided to celebrate and didn't have any fireworks?? Scary when it seems to be coming from just across the street. Nothing new either, just the usual nuts who don't know any better.

Hope today is just as blah. I have some 'new year' cleaning out to do. Donations to be gathered for the Thrift store and space to be made for the coming year's 'finds' to fit.

Sorry about your bed, Joe! My long gone siamese cat thought the spare bedroom, lovely antique linen bedspread was her potty box. Never could seem to stop her until I figured out that she 'sniffed' the potty box and IF her twin, had used it first, she refused to go there. Gads, what a spoiled cat. So I had to monitor the box, smooth out the top litter surface and THEN she would use it. I would have closed the door on that room, but then when I tried, she would go in the corner BEHIND my Victrola. Much harder to get to and clean. Can't win with our fur babies. Love them dearly, just don't understand them.

Off to eat some leftover stew from my Tenant who cooks awesome stuff. Then off for more cleaning out things. It's my New Year's tradition.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047294
12/26/15 01:37 PM
12/26/15 01:37 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Happy day after Christmas!!! And to celebrate Newzel ate a vegan hotdog. That cat eats all sorts of stuff but fancy feast -maybe he wants the cheaper stuff.

It's a dark, foggy, humid but warmwarmwarm day -O Goody, just my kind of day. That vegan hotdog was my breakfast.

Good luck with that vacuum thing, L4L. I have pergo so I don't vacuum but sweep with broom -but today, Heaven Be Praised and a yippee as the floors are too wet to do anything with them and I don't housework on Sundays and andand.............

Couldn't finish wolfenstein because hopelessly stuck at the end. Just might use granny easy mode and whizbangzoom finish that game. Then on to more difficult ones and just watch me hahahahahahahahaha

OOh these games one can misspend her retirement on them

Happy Saturday all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1047295
12/26/15 01:42 PM
12/26/15 01:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sorry about your bed! Hope your Saturdiner goes smoothly for you!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

christmas Happy Day After Christmas!

Had a most beautiful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day full of family, laughter, and a feast of fantastic food! It was incredible!

Now, daughter and son-in-law have invited us over for a relaxing day of food and cards.

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047307
12/26/15 03:57 PM
12/26/15 03:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
Cooking, cooking, cooking, and listening to ATK podcast reindeer


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047324
12/26/15 07:34 PM
12/26/15 07:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,882
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,882
Alabama
Happy Saturday everyone ... this is too funny ... I see that I should vacuum :rotfl:

Guess I better get to work thumbsup12

Have a wonderful evening everyone!

wave12


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047330
12/26/15 08:37 PM
12/26/15 08:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
Ahhhh, books cooked, hubby vac'd, and now off to cook dinner. wave12


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs] #1047334
12/26/15 09:22 PM
12/26/15 09:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,353
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,353
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047343
12/26/15 10:28 PM
12/26/15 10:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,859
Alabama
All full of fajitas. Bath and bed. Sweet dreams all sleep12

Last edited by looney4labs; 12/26/15 10:29 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047344
12/26/15 10:32 PM
12/26/15 10:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,857
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,857
In the Naughty Corner
JOe, Stay safe! I see you are in a tornado warning area. Hope no one is near Rowlett, Texas. Lots of fatalities. sad


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1047348
12/26/15 11:28 PM
12/26/15 11:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I hope all is safe from tornadoes.

See you tomorrow. Work in the morning and again in the evening.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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