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Tuesday's #1098863
01/30/17 11:21 PM
01/30/17 11:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,777
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,777
Calera, Oklahoma
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

KATHARINE HEPBURN

`````````````````

On This Date

1865 - In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in-chief of the Confederate armies.

1893 - The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the United States Patent Office.

1940 - The first Social Security check was issued by the U.S. Government.

2000 - An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed.

```````````````````````````

Product Wording

This is a list of what all the advertising terms on products really mean...

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

LESS FATTENING - Now doesn't have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.

FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.

`````````````````

Professionals Test

This quiz consists of four questions that tells you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.


1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?








The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.



2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?





Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.



3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?






Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.



4. There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it?








Correct Answer: Simply swim across it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!



That completes the test!

This question tests your reasoning ability. So...

If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you're a true professional. Wealth awaits you.

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.

If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.

If you answered one out of four, try selling your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.

If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as management, politics, law or medicine.

``````````````````

Proxy Father

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!!

``````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Happy Tuesday? headscratch


I woke up last night at 4:00am thinking that I had posted Monday's diner on Sunday. I lost a day again somewhere. rolleyes


I really had trouble going back to sleep too.


Not because I was worried about the diner. I needed to go, and I didn't want to get up. blush


I've been doing real good though lately at holding it all night. woot


So MAYBE the doc won't have to massage my prostrate at my next VA appointment. hamster


Fingers crossed. razz


On second thought.....That's the only intimacy I have with a woman. snicker


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098875
01/31/17 12:18 AM
01/31/17 12:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 77,820
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 77,820
In the Naughty Corner
rotfl you are going to give poor MaG a heart attack, Joe! You have me laughing out loud! I hope you can sleep well tonight!

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098892
01/31/17 05:35 AM
01/31/17 05:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,994
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,994
Marlborough USA
rah Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. We are expecting some snow today. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a great day! rah


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098902
01/31/17 07:52 AM
01/31/17 07:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,499
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,499
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Tuesday. It's finely going to start warming up again today. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke tonight at 8 8 Panda. reindeer Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Waffles in the NC wavegirl .


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098904
01/31/17 08:28 AM
01/31/17 08:28 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Moring Boomers hamster

Joe all I can say is rotfl

Ana, have a great day!

Gerry, snow is in the forecast for us too. Need lots of coffee.

Connie, enjoy your night out tonight.

Wishing everybody a super duper day! lab


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098922
01/31/17 11:18 AM
01/31/17 11:18 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,209
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,209
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Supposed to be in the mid 70's today. Come on down!

Son is home sick. I hope it is Not the flu. I heard on the news yesterday that you can catch the flu from up to 6 feet away eek

Joe, I love the Professionals test. I am obviously qualified for management, law, or medicine!


Ana, wave

Gerry, send some of that snow our way please. Stay warm.

Connie, have fun.

Gail, I'll join you in the coffee corner. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098933
01/31/17 12:02 PM
01/31/17 12:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
joe rotfl you made me spit coffee everywhere ! you're so bad !

loved the test !

off to dr. appt this morning ,so have a wonderful one everybody !

later...

wave2

Re: Tuesday's [Re: niteowl07] #1098964
01/31/17 05:08 PM
01/31/17 05:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 15,949
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 15,949
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098973
01/31/17 06:40 PM
01/31/17 06:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,209
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,209
Alabama
Niteowl,hope the appointment went well.

Welcome home, Space wave Anything fun planned for the night?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1098985
01/31/17 09:27 PM
01/31/17 09:27 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Have a nice evening everyone wave


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Drmojo] #1098992
01/31/17 09:59 PM
01/31/17 09:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 15,949
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 15,949
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi Karen. wave

Nothing special looney.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1098996
01/31/17 10:32 PM
01/31/17 10:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,209
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,209
Alabama
Hi ya Doc, how's your day been?

Well, enjoy it anyway, Space. I am off to bed with a book. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1099002
01/31/17 11:06 PM
01/31/17 11:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
hey karen !

hey space !

looney - appt went very well - i needed scripts renewed ,and it was

very fast - in and out happydance

then company ,and laundry - i'm ready to relax lol

have a nice evening ,all !

see you manana ! wave2 catrub

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