The best portion of a good man’s life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
````````````````Too Far North
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for elk, moose or deer meat.
You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is three feet above the ground.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
You think everyone from the city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't come up on your deck.
There is only one shopping plaza in town.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
There are two seasons: Liquid and Solid
Nine months of winter and three months of rough sledding.
Six inches of snow is still considered a heavy frost.
You actually 'get' these jokes, and forward them to all your Northern friends.
Statement: "Im a Romantic."
True Meaning: "Im poor."
Statement: "Youre the only girl Ive ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasnt rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "Shes kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldnt kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I dont know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She wont sleep with me."
Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "Im insecure about my manhood."
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you really love me?"
True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "Ive done something really stupid and someones on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "Ive been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "Youre not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "Youre ugly."
Statement: "Ive learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "Im on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm all set to go head hunting......for sure, and unlike Wednesday & Thursday, Friday is going to be in the upper 60s, instead of in the 80s.
If I can just get my nose to stop sneezing.
I did more mowing today outside the fence, and the wind doeth blow around here occasionally, so I guess the rags and the weeds, and the pollups are floating around in the air.
I do hope Friday is not windy.
I just checked, and we're going to have 23 mph gust. Oh well.
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride.
Sorta Blond everything I said yesterday I was kidding about, except for shaving my legs, and painting my nails.
Ever since I became a carpenter, I've enjoyed painting my nails.
I've enjoyed shaving my legs ever since I got my first Barbie.......er...KEN doll.
Have a happy day everyone.