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Surf and Turf Saturday #1135350
12/15/17 08:07 PM
12/15/17 08:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values.

~Thomas S. Monson~
``````````````````

A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor invites her in to sit down.

"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems."

"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my child and I'll love it regardless."

"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs."

"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless."

"And it hasn't got any arms either."

"What?"

"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In
fact, your child is only a very, very big ear."

"Oh my God! This is terrible! Well, it's my child, and I'll love it.
I'll learn all the lullabies in the world to sing to it."

"Mrs. Smith, one last thing.... Unfortunately, your child is deaf."


think and they named it, Hellen Kel-ear slapforehead

````````````````````

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. Here is one of those stories. As he tells it, he was waiting at a taxi- stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up,he put his suitcase in it and got in himself. As he was about to tell the taxi-driver where he wanted to go, the driver asked him: "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight. The driver said: "No Sir, I have never seen you before.'' The puzzled Doyle asked him what made him think that he was Conan Doyle. The driver replied: "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin colour tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduce that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

Doyle said: "This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing," the driver said.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase.".

````````````

One afternoon a carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," the carpet layer said to himself. So, he got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."

`````````````

The GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like Italy. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 13 and 80 a man is like the US - ruled by a dick pecker head.

``````````````

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

``````````````

A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden.

Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically.

Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out "63!" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. "74!", again a chorus of guffaws ring out.

The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks "What are those elderly men doing."

The old warden smirks, and says, "Oh, those are the life timers. They've been in here so long, they just number their jokes."

Meanwhile another one calls out "2!". Nobody laughs.

The new warden leans over and asks, "What happened?" To this the old warden replied, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

```````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. santadance


Welcome to the weekend! yay12


We have two football days this weekend, with games on Saturday and Sunday. happydance12


Only three games left in the season. I intend to catch as many as possible. rah


I won't be doing a lot anyway. Beau's mama will be here mid-day to pick him up. lab


I hope you all have a terrific day. wink12


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135366
12/16/17 12:47 AM
12/16/17 12:47 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,543
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,543
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, enjoy your football weekend! Sounds like a plan! I think Sunday I may just stay in bed all day and slug! :lol:

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave12


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135370
12/16/17 05:49 AM
12/16/17 05:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,369
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,369
Marlborough USA
tree Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Happy Birthday Ana! birthday Cake, cupcakes, homemade apple pie in the naughty corner to celebrate Ana's birthday! happydance12 Coffee, tea and hot chocolate too.
Wishing everyone a fun day! tree


Gerry
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135374
12/16/17 08:30 AM
12/16/17 08:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,733
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,733
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. birthday Ana, Birthday Cupcakes and Ice cream in the NC. Tonight is our Christmas Party at the Eagles. reindeer Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. tree


Connie
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135379
12/16/17 08:57 AM
12/16/17 08:57 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Morning Boomers yay12

Joe, enjoy the games!

Ana, Happy Birthday. birthday

Gerry, have a great day!

Connie, enjoy the Eagles Party tonight!

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! tree


Gail
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135398
12/16/17 12:21 PM
12/16/17 12:21 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Overcast, cloudy, cool. Wow. What a change from yesterday. Was warm and dry as usual, but today and tomorrow they say it's going to be 'winter' weather, THEN Monday starts another Santa Ana hot wind conditions. More fire dangers. Wish it would rain. No rain for the entire fall season so far. NEED rain.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135401
12/16/17 12:28 PM
12/16/17 12:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 34,873
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 34,873
Alabama
Good morning Diner Boomers laugh

woot It's the weekend and we're going to see Star Wars VIII tomorrow!

In the meantime time I have chores projects gardening, Star Wars VII and taking the grandboys to the Camellia Bowl tonight to watch Middle Tennessee vs. Arkansas State!

Have a Super Saturday Joe Ana Gerry Connie Gail SortaB and L4L...catch you all later!

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135402
12/16/17 12:31 PM
12/16/17 12:31 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your football days!!

Ana..... birthday May it be lovely!!

Gerry, Gail, Connie, and Sorta...may you all have a lovely day!!

Have a lovely day all who follow!!!

wave12
Nan

Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135421
12/16/17 02:05 PM
12/16/17 02:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,160
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,160
marietta,georgia
i am wrapping presents.

Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135430
12/16/17 02:55 PM
12/16/17 02:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,350
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,350
Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope you are all well and having a nice day!

Joe, enjoy football!

Ana, wishing you the happiest day ever! birthday

Hi Gerry, Connie, Gail....have a fun day!

Sorta, we're in the grip of a big freeze at the moment...been sitting at 6 below freezing the last two days (21f) and could do with some warmth shiver

soot, have a great weekend!

Nan, great to 'see' you...hope you are well.

family, have fun wrapping!

Hubby was in 'paint' mode today so he changed the colour of the feature wall in our lounge...it's a lovely soft grey now! happydance12

Getting into the swing for Christmas...gifts all wrapped and making cards for close family. Just have the food shopping to do on Monday.

Take care guys!

Mary hearts tree


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135466
12/16/17 08:35 PM
12/16/17 08:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Lesson learned: If you have solar security lights it's necessary to occasionally clean the solar collector panel. Duh. Several of my solar lights quit working in the last month and when I pulled the collector down, I found black, caked on, dirt covering them. No wonder I'm not getting light. The poor things couldn't collect anything. Geez. Unfortunately, my yard kid had nicely placed 2 of them way up at the roof peak and it required me climbing a ladder to get them down to clean them. Scary and painful on the joints and muscles. I think I'll keep them in reach from now on.

I wonder if people with those huge solar panels on their roofs have to go up there and clean the greasy dirt off of them? Must I suppose for optimum collection of sun rays. Would be terrible to have to do that. Maybe there are people who do it for them?


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1135480
12/17/17 12:33 AM
12/17/17 12:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,543
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,543
In the Naughty Corner
Thank you all for the birthday wishes! It was a very long, very loud and happy day with 19 people in my house for 8 hours. lol12 I am beyond exhausted. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
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