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TGISaturdiner #1140412
02/02/18 09:42 PM
02/02/18 09:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.

~Buddha~
``````````

If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.

Recording on an Australian tax help line

``````

My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.

``````

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my 
feelings.”

`````````

Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?

Friend: You ordered a BLT.

Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread.

```````

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having 
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.

“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.

“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in 
our wall.”

``````````

As the hostess at the casino 
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my 
husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly ...”

She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”

``````

I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”

```````````


Honest Brand Slogans


Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.”

Gillette: “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”

Hot Pockets: “Every bite is a different temperature.”

````````````

Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”

Source: clientsfromhell.net

````````````

Don’t get upset if I ask you 
where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.

Humorist Reid Kerr

```````````

A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

```````````

Weird Things Librarians Hear

Librarians may be shy, but 
their patrons aren’t. Look at their oddball requests:

A patron offered me $100 to steal 
a cactus from somebody’s yard.

A patron wanted me to find a 
book to teach her dog German.

A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck.

A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn’t at work.

Roz Warren, from womensvoicesforchange.org

```````````

Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, “But there’s a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records.”

`````````

Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.

Mary thinks a second before 
replying, “Give me six Orthodox, 
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

``````````

G00d m0rning everyb00mie. wave2


Guess what. I'm ging t0 have t0 send my lapt0p in f0r repair. rolleyes


I have m0re keys that d0n't want t0 w0rk, s0 I called them t0day f0r an RA. slapforehead


N0w I have t0 find an0ther lapt0p to use in the mean time, and I just gave my last one to J0shua when he came to visit. slapforehead


I have an old Lenovo that will work, but I cannot find the power cord for it. hardwall


I don't throw these things away. I have at least a dozen old power cords, and adapters, but not the one for that Lenovo, so I ordered a new one from Walmart today. When I get it, I'll send this laptop back for repair. yes


I quit using that Lenovo because the 'enter' key quit working on it, but I can use an optical keyboard with it. duh


Oh yeah! Welcome to the weekend everybody!! yay


Have a happy day. thumbsup


Joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140418
02/02/18 10:28 PM
02/02/18 10:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
It's always something, isn't it, Joe? I hope you can get it all sorted out quickly!

I am so looking forward to not having plans. I do have a massage scheduled this morning though. I really need it!

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140427
02/02/18 11:51 PM
02/02/18 11:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Oh my Joe...you've got to love technology when it's working! GOOD LUCK!!

Have a great day Ana! Oh my but I bet you'll be doing VERY GOOD later this morning!!!!

Hey Ho everyone...wishing you all a wonderful Saturday

Weekend is here joy

I've got chores and projects to work on now that I'm back...they never end and quite frankly it just wouldn't be the same without them wink

Catch you later today wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140434
02/03/18 01:17 AM
02/03/18 01:17 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific Saturday Joe, Ana, soot and all who follow. wave

It's Friday night here, and I'm about to pass out. lol I had a very long, productive practice today. More practice tomorrow and hopefully some gaming time as well. thumbsup

Have a fantastic Saturday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140446
02/03/18 05:49 AM
02/03/18 05:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, soot, venus and everyone. Joe hope you get your laptop back soon. Ana enjoy your massage! Soot I know what you mean. Chores and projects can keep you both physically and mentally fit when you get to be my age! Venus enjoy the rest of your time off. Fresh coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing everyone a relaxing Saturday! wave


Gerry
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140456
02/03/18 08:53 AM
02/03/18 08:53 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Saturday. Breakfast out and a BJ's trip today, as we are going to Bok Tower tomorrow. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. winter


Connie
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140460
02/03/18 09:56 AM
02/03/18 09:56 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Morning Boomers hug

Joe, hope you get a good work out of your computers. Hang in there!

Ana, have a great day!

Soot, enjoy whatever the day brings around today.

Venus, have a great time today. Good luck with the games.

Gerry, have a wonderful, super-good day.

Connie, enjoy BJ's.

Going out shopping with Hannah. Wishing everyone a great day today! car


Gail
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140467
02/03/18 11:21 AM
02/03/18 11:21 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Hope you all have a wonderful day. I'm thinking about cooking books. We shall see wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140468
02/03/18 11:24 AM
02/03/18 11:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
hello everyone...I'm up and at em this morning; took the Keoki man for a mini walkabout the neighborhood which is really good for him. Time to get started on chores and projects...biggest one today is getting food for tomorrow's game thumbsup

Have fun practicing and gaming Venus.

Yes indeedy Gerry, they are my weekend wink

Have a fun trip to BJs Connie...stay safe!

Have fun shopping Gail...be safe!

Catch you all later!

I'll have tea and a Danish to go please thanks

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140477
02/03/18 12:43 PM
02/03/18 12:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Aww Joe, electronics drive me nuts. I saw a neat keyboard on 'The Big Bang Theory' sitcom this week. It looked and sounded just like an antique typewriter. Neat! I want one. I love my mechanical keyboard (hate the touch type ones because I hit the keys hard) and it's really been good for me. Now to locate one that makes sounds like the old typewriters. On a quest.

Applied for a Home Equity line of credit with my credit union. Waiting to hear if it's approved. So much paperwork and waiting and worrying. They couldn't find an 'estimate' on the web for my property so they will have to send an appraiser out to actually look at it. For some reason, all the real estate sites have me listed at a 7 bed/3 bath house. Yeah, if you add up all the bedrooms and bathrooms in THREE houses on the property that comes out right. Tried to correct it several times but to no avail. AND they have my entire huge property listed at less than half of what the other properties on either side of me are valued. Huh? I've got 2/3 acre with three houses, they each have 1/2 acre with one tiny house. How is mine less? Someone is off on the guessing. Waiting for the bank to call. Got toes and fingers and eyes crossed this goes through.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140496
02/03/18 03:55 PM
02/03/18 03:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
To save the expense of buying a new keyboard, you can just download an app that makes the keyboard sound like one, Sorta. Check these out.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140511
02/03/18 06:51 PM
02/03/18 06:51 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Thanks for that link Ana! I'm going to try out a few things and see if I like them. Fun and games.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGISaturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1140520
02/04/18 12:36 AM
02/04/18 12:36 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...


Don't feed the Trolls
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