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Saturdiner #1142706
02/23/18 09:34 PM
02/23/18 09:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.

~Plato~
```````

Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children. One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby. Another lady says, "Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets." The last lady gasps and exclaims, "Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmations!"

``````````

Three old timers at the retirement home were complaining about growing old. The first one says, "I wake up at 7:00 AM and try for a half hour to take a poop." The second one says, "Oh yeah? I spend an hour trying to pee." The third one says, "I take a nice poop at 7:00 AM and about 7:30 AM take a nice pee." The other two guys look at him and ask, "What are you complaining about?" The third man explains, "I don't wake up till 8:30 AM."

```````````

Fred: "Why do elephants wear red nail polish?"
Bob: "I don't know, why?"
Fred: "To hide in cherry trees."
Bob: "But I've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree."
Fred: "See, it works."

`````````

Two Irishmen friends are drinking together at one of their homes. One friend takes out a bottle of Irish whiskey and asks the other, "Will you pour this bottle out on my grave if I die first?" His friend replies, "Do you mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"

``````````

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A: A thesaurus.

`````````

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

``````````

A lady sitting in the dentist chair told the dentist, "I would rather go through the pain of child birth than have you drill in my mouth." The dentist replied, "Well, you had better make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

`````````

How I learned to mind my own business: I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and I could hear all the patients shouting, "13! 13! 13!" The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Someone poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting, "14! 14! 14!"

`````````

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oi, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

````````

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk." The wasted man asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Oh thank God! I thought I was crippled."

```````````

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the ugliest girl I ever met was from Nebraska." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."

`````````

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

````````````

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Welcome to the weekend! penguin


It's been a long week. I didn't get out again today. It rained pretty hard all morning and into the afternoon. shocked


I decided against going to Wally World. Hopefully I can get that done tomorrow. cool


UPS brought my computer back at 3:00. hamster


I was going to let my dogs out to get after the UPS guy for passing me up yesterday, but got a better idea. idea


Instead as he was leaving, I ran behind him biting his ankle. taz


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142722
02/24/18 12:32 AM
02/24/18 12:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,634
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,634
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! Do you need a leash so you behave?

I have a concert tonight and girls night out that I am really looking forward to in Chicago. Can't wait!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142733
02/24/18 03:27 AM
02/24/18 03:27 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Congratulations on getting your laptop back, Joe! woot Is it working properly now?

Have fun at the concert tonight, Ana! rah

It's Friday night, and I'm off to sleep. Tomorrow's the second day of my 3 day weekend, and I have a voice lesson. happydance12

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142741
02/24/18 05:14 AM
02/24/18 05:14 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,373
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,373
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe glad you got your computer back! Ana have a fun time on your girls night out! venus good luck with the voice lesson. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Happy Saturday everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142744
02/24/18 07:57 AM
02/24/18 07:57 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,844
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,844
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. wave2


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142754
02/24/18 11:33 AM
02/24/18 11:33 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
Busy day today. Have a funeral luncheon to work at the Moose Lodge!

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142755
02/24/18 11:38 AM
02/24/18 11:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 35,018
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 35,018
Alabama
Good morning Joe Ana Venus Connie Gerry Nan and the rest of the gang when you're up and at em this Saturday laugh

Full day here of projects, chores, gaming, music, fun and rest (eventually)

I'll take a cuppa and Danish to go please

Joe...how's your laptop Joe?

Have fun tonight Ana

Enjoy the weekend Venus

Have a great day Gerry Connie and Nan

Off I go ... miles to go before I sleep

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142766
02/24/18 12:26 PM
02/24/18 12:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,894
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,894
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

I'm hoping to take the Keoki man to the park in a bit. Then home to do some chores, and I've promised tacos for supper tonight.

Joe, too funny....poor UPS man.

Ana, have fun at the concert.

Venus, hope your lesson is lots of fun.

Gerry, hot chocolate sounds wonderful. Thanks.

Connie, thanks for the hash browns.

Nan, what a blessing you are.

Soot kissy

Last edited by looney4labs; 02/24/18 12:26 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1142823
02/25/18 02:21 AM
02/25/18 02:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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