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Tuesday's #1143682
03/05/18 09:56 PM
03/05/18 09:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,524
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,524
Calera, Oklahoma
The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons.

~Aristotle~
```````````

Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
-
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.

````````

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

```````

Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
-
A. They can’t stand fast food.

```````

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!

`````````

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.

`````````

She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…
-
He: Just call in sick then.

``````````

A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"

The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

Boy nods, "Exactly!"

```````

A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”

Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”

Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”

Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”

```````

Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder."

Jim: "No way man, are you okay?"

Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was just on the first step."

````````

Police officer: “Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I’m going to have to take away your driver’s license.”

Driver: “You’re kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!”

```````

When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.

The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”

The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”

`````````

Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to marry me.

She said no, on both occasions.

`````````

Insurance clerk: "Where were you born, Sir?"

Man: "In the United States."

Insurance clerk: "OK, and which part?"

Man: "My whole body."

``````````````

My wife is a bit weird. She always starts her talking with “Michael, are you listening to me?”

```````

My SMS autocorrect just changed "I’m so concerned with existential anxieties it is difficult to breathe" to "I feel great".

````````

The police stops a computer hardware engineer: “Your light isn’t working. You have to get off your bike.”

IT guy: “I tried that but the light still isn’t working.”

``````````

Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?

Passenger: No, I am in a hurry.

````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


This morning started out at a breezy 67 degrees. It felt pretty good y'all. Then the wind shifted around out of the North at about 30 miles an hour. shocked


No problem. Down in the creek area you don't notice the wind. woot


I can't stop sneezing now though.


I walked the entire creek and only found one little triangle point. I almost didn't pick it up though. I thought it was just a flake. slapforehead


It was a very disappointing day, but I did find something, which is always better than not finding anything. thumbsup


I am also very tired from the trek.


I'm out of shape. I've been telling people I finally hit my growth spurt. Problem is I'm growing out, not up. headscratch


My jeans are so tight I can only button up half the buttons on my 501s. My underwear try to cut me in half, and I'm tired of it! Starting tomorrow I'm going to do something about it. yay


I'm going to buy bigger underwear. dance


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143684
03/05/18 10:18 PM
03/05/18 10:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,118
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,118
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Tootin Toosday to you Joe and the rest of the gang when you pop in!

You and I have the same problem Joe ... growing out and not up lol

I tried not eating for awhile but that didn't work as I was starved by the end of the week and...well you know the rest of the story wink

We also have green cars by the end of each day as the pollen thoroughly coats everything...talk about sneezing shocked

Glad you found something yesterday yes

L4L flowers

Have a great day everyone wave2



To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143689
03/05/18 11:23 PM
03/05/18 11:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,831
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,831
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! Have fun shopping! grin

soot, that sounds like an allergy sufferer nightmare!

I think we all need a growth spurt. I'd be happy to grow a couple more!

Today is a crazy busy day and we have a quarter inch of ice and sleet covering everything out there! I sure hope the roads are good tomorrow!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143700
03/06/18 01:21 AM
03/06/18 01:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
venus  Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, that sounds like a great plan. lol

Soot, hope the pollen clears up, and your allergies get better soon!

Hope your roads are good tomorrow, Ana! It's always nerve-racking driving in that kind of weather.

It's Monday night, and I'm off to sleep. The bonus episode of Life is Strange: Before the Storm was fantastic as expected, but I'm ready to play a light happy game now. Too bad I'm currently re-playing The Moment of Silence instead. lol

Tomorrow, I get to sleep in a bit, as the stores I'm visiting open later. While I'd like to finish my day a little earlier, I won't complain about the extra sleep. thumbsup

Have a terrific Tuesday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143702
03/06/18 06:07 AM
03/06/18 06:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,477
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Online happy
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Online Happy
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,477
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe I hear you! The older I get the easier the pounds go on. The old metabolism slows down so we don't need as much food to sustain us so that means eat less - that's the hard part! Soot hope that pollen lets up! Ana be careful out there today. Venus have a speedy work day! Wednesday is going to be a stormy day here. Predictions are we could get over a foot of heavy wet snow! It's going to snow all day and into Thursday. Winds could be a problem with power outages too. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing everyone a Happy Day! wave


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143705
03/06/18 08:44 AM
03/06/18 08:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,836
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,836
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a lovely Tuesday. The pollen here is terrible, sneezing, and tearing and itchy eyes. Lunch and Netflix with a friend. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. winter


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143722
03/06/18 11:17 AM
03/06/18 11:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 47,951
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 47,951
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Woke up to rain but it's clearing towards the afternoon. May or may not be picking kids up after school. Son will call if work runs late. I have the windows open and it's hot, but the weatherman did say frost by the end of the week wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143770
03/06/18 08:25 PM
03/06/18 08:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,118
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,118
Usually in an Alabama Tree
woot I survived the work day and am looking forward to a quiet evening with music and gaming thumbsup

Sleep well everyone

wave2


To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143774
03/06/18 09:36 PM
03/06/18 09:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 47,951
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 47,951
Alabama
Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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