We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
~W. H. Auden~
A regular client asked me to make a non-standard modification to their website to display one of their client’s advertisements. It involved hacky code changes to the logic, so I couldn’t provide an accurate quote and said it has to be an hourly rate.
Me: I think it will only take me about an hour, but it could be as many as three.
Client: Well I have already quoted the advertiser 3 hours so you can do this at a quoted amount of 2 hours, and if it takes longer, well that’s ok because you make heaps of money off us and can make it up in future jobs.
Actually, I make very little money from their business because they argue every invoice I send.
Me: …OK, fine I will quote it at 2 hours.
Client: OK, so if it takes less than 2 hours, you will be honest and tell me, and charge the lower amount?
Clearly, this client does not understand the concept of a quote.
Client:"I understand you need to make a living but I don’t think you need to make THAT much"
I had a regular client who was a family friend and my husband’s employer. I always got paid, although sometimes it took a reminder. That’s until my last job for them; the major difference was my husband had stopped working for the client.
They didn’t pay. I contacted them several times and was told every time:
Client: I’ve written a cheque, just come by the house and pick it up.
Me: I provided you a bank transfer, which is how you’ve paid me before. Please just use that.
No response to that. All the while this woman is posting pics of stuff on Facebook that she bought.
I just read in local paper they were investigated for tax evasion and owe £500,000 to the government. Turns out their cars were repossessed. I think I’m never getting that invoice paid!
Client: Your former client reached out to me and said you are new to the area.
After an hour conversation about web designs, marketing campaigns, designs, branding, etc:
Client: So when can you start?
Me: After you approve of a cost estimate, I am thinking in about a week or two we can start building your marketing/design campaign together.
Client: Wait…What? This wouldn’t be free? I thought you wanted portfolio work.
Client: Well then! I will take my business elsewhere.
I’m a 22-year-old woman and I did some on-site freelance design work for a 70-something man.
Client: (at my office door) What’s the little girl working on?
Me: I’m not a little girl.
Client: You’re not?
He didn’t seem to take that first no seriously though because he called me a little girl again the next day.
Me: I’m still not a little girl.
Client: You’re not?
Client: Is that an offensive thing to be called?
Me: Yes, I’m a college educated professional.
Client: Well, what can I call you?
Me: My name. Miss. Basically anything other than “little girl.”
Client: That’s cute.
I work as a hair stylist, this was a conversation with a client today. He had mentioned previously that his 60th birthday was coming up.
Client: You look like you’re twelve. My nine-year-old granddaughter is your size.
Me: Oh really? I get told I look young a lot.
Client: Are you raising your son alone?
Me: (taken aback) Yes, I am.
Client: Well I would marry you.
While designing an e-shop, I had to create an “add to wishlist” icon. I used a placeholder one to help mock-up the site. It was a shopping bag with a heart in the corner.
Client: No hearts. This product is for men.
Right – I forgot that men only use “like” icons if they’re explosions that have beards
First (and last) meeting with a prospective client.
Client: You don’t have any female employees, do you?
Me: …Yes, we do.
Client: Well don’t hire any more! Women are shady and not to be trusted. That’s why I only work with men.
Surprise twist: the client was a woman!
Client: Can you send me the PMS colors for my logo?
Me: Sure thing!
Client: WHEW! Hahaha I thought for a second you might think I was talking about “pre-menstruation” colors — which no guy in his right mind would ask about, am I right?
Me: …Nope, didn’t think that at all.
Client: Ha! Ha!
I developed a social media campaign for a client, and he offered me a full time PR and business development position at his company.
After I signed the papers to on-board to the company, he decided that was an appropriate moment to PROFESS HIS LOVE FOR ME.
We’d only met in person three times. Also:
Me: I’m married.
Client: Marriages end!
I left when he tried to kiss me, and was basically in shock.
A few days later he sent me an email as if nothing had happened.
Client: The new campaign should be up and running next week. Did you finish designing those business cards? Anyway, come in on Monday and I’ll introduce you to everyone. I just wanted to let you know that I consider you an asset to our organization and everything else is purely professional. [emphasis added].
Needless to say, I backed out of the position. Also, I remain happily married.
I was approached by a porn star that wanted me to re-do her site. She agreed to my price and I fulfilled the job. She paid and that was that.
A few weeks go by and I’m contacted by her husband.
Client: I’d like you to update the site again. As payment, you can have sex with my wife once a week.
Good morning everyboomie.
Is this Wednesday or the day before tomorrow?
I can only pray it's a nice as Tuesday was. I woke to rain again, and it rained till just about 2:00....but not exactly.
It was so cool it even dropped below 70 degrees at one point.
Would have been a great day to be out head hunting, except for the rain.
I keep fearing I'll wake up at any moment and it'll be August 1st again, and 108 degrees. It was all a dream.
You know what season I really like the best? I'll give you a hint. It has the kind of weather I always fall for.
Unfortunately around here Fall is like late Summer, and Winter is Fall. A cold Fall.
Have a happy day everyone.