Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
A man called his child's doctor, "Hello! My son just snatched my pen when I was writing and swallowed it. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Until I can come over, write with another pen."
Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?"
Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"
Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
A mom and a son come home from the grocery store. The boy immediately empties out a box of animal crackers and the mom asks him why. The boy says, "It says you should not eat it if the seal is broken, so I'm looking for the seal."
A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man. Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said. The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."
Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.
Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!
"Johnny, why did you kick your brother in the stomach?" exclaimed the angry mother. “It was an accident, Mama. He turned around.”
Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"
Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children. One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby. Another lady says, "Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets." The last lady gasps and exclaims, "Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmatians!"
A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?" A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
Good morningg everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
Glad to see everyone made it here ok.
We hit about 99 degrees here today (Friday).
At least it wasn't too humid, and we had a strong breeze.
Our next week's forecast looks like this; 99, 98, 98, 97, 96, 96, 96.
I wish I could bottle all that vitamin D and sell it.
My trip to Texas went ok.
Have a happy day everyone.